


Too Far From the Start (a.k.a. 'James and Logan Are NOT Dating')

by rensahannou (asmalltigercat)



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-09
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-10-25 21:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 86,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/274909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmalltigercat/pseuds/rensahannou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan and James make a secret pact that alters the course of their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Pact

**Author's Note:**

> The alternate-alternate title to this is "The Never-ending Jagan," because this fic just keeps getting longer and longer. I can't make it stop. Also it contains references to several episodes, in particular Big Time Rocker.
> 
> And the rating is probably higher than it needs to be, but since the story's not done I figure it's better to be safe.
> 
> Warning for homophobic slurs in the first chapter.

Logan was putting his books away at the end of his fourth day of high school when he felt a looming presence next to him. The locker to the right of his own belonged to some guy who was way too big to be a freshman; Logan was pretty sure he'd been held back a year. Or three. Either way the dude seriously freaked Logan out, and he immediately regretted not going with James on his detour to the snack machines.

But maybe he was being too harsh, he told himself as his skin prickled with nervousness. Maybe the guy was actually really friendly, and he would, y'know, just wait patiently for Logan to leave so he could have access to his own locker.

"Out of my way, fag."

Logan's eyes went wide as the words hit him, and for one brief second confusion overrode his fear as he blinked up over his shoulder at the giant.

"Excuse me?"

Logan Mitchell was no stranger to insults. 'Nerd,' 'geek,' 'bookworm,' 'science boy,' 'weirdo who likes math,' he had heard them all. 'Genius' was a common one, but that one always confused him when it wasn't used sarcastically, because how is that an insult? And it was usually followed up by a request for help with an assignment, which just made no sense at all.

If it had been any of the usual insults, Logan probably would have cowered or slammed his locker shut and hurried off, but this was new. He'd never had any sort of homophobic slurs directed at him before, and honestly he was having trouble figuring out where the guy was coming from on that one.

"You heard me, homo. Move." The menacing tone and expression he was being given were starting to seep through Logan's confusion.

" _Excuse_ me?"

This was a difference voice, a familiar voice; James's voice. Relief hit Logan at the sound of it, but it wasn't until he felt an arm around his shoulders—Kendall's arm, he knew without looking—that he felt truly safe.

"Is there a problem here?" Kendall asked, and Logan glanced up to see Kendall smiling at the guy in a way that most people would have thought was friendly. Logan knew better.

"Yeah, your little boyfriend won't get the hell away from my locker." Even with Kendall there next to him Logan couldn't help wincing at the harshness of the words.

"Woah, dude, chill," Kendal said, taking his arm off Logan's shoulders to maneuver them both so that Kendall was between Logan and the unnaturally large freshman. Logan liked this much better, standing behind his friend. "What's the hurry? Is your mom going to get all pissed if you're not outside in two minutes for her to pick you up?"

Carlos snorted a laugh. Logan hadn't realized he was there too, standing next to Kendall, wearing a helmet and carrying a hockey stick. The reason for that was anyone's guess; practice didn't even start for another two months but there was no point dwelling on it because, well. Carlos.

Since Kendall had pushed Logan back he was standing beside James, and Logan glanced over at him. Logan was actually blocking James's locker now, but James didn't seem to have any interest in opening it; he was too busy fixing the bully with a quizzical stare, like he was just as confused by the choice of insults as Logan. Or maybe he just wanted to see how the guy would react to Kendall.

This guy was huge, taller even than Kendall, and although Logan and his friends were all tough-as-nails hockey players, off the ice they didn't exactly look—or in Logan's case, feel—the part. So Logan was pretty sure this guy was just going to swing his giant arms around and send them all crashing against the lockers on either side of the hallway. And yeah, that would hurt, but getting knocked around with his friends was better than getting shoved into his locker on his own.

When no knocking around occurred Logan was probably more surprised than he should have been. He couldn't see Kendall's face, but whether it was something in his expression or just the fact that it was four against one, all the guy did was slam Logan's locker shut—because that was totally intimidating—and stalk off back down the hallway. Logan let out a sigh of relief and Carlos gave in to a fit of laughter.

Kendall turned to face them, arms crossed and an odd gleam in his eyes. "High school's fun," he said, leaning back against the locker. Carlos laughed even harder. Logan rolled his eyes and shook his head while James, smirking, nudged him out of the way so he could get to his locker.

——————

The other three seemed to forget the whole incident even happened as soon as they stepped out of the school building, but Logan couldn't help dwelling on it as they rode their bikes to Kendall's house.

Logan had fully expected high school to be the grandest adventure of his life. He would finally be challenged in his classes, he would finally have a growth spurt, he would finally make some friends he could talk about geeky stuff with without getting blank stares in return.

The first disappointment came over the summer, when James hit a growth spurt. Logan had pretty much accepted the fact that Kendall would always be taller than him, but now James too? He consoled himself by thinking there was still time, he wasn't done growing yet. And…at least he was still taller than Carlos.

The second disappointment was on the day of their freshman registration. And it wasn't a big deal, really—at least at the time—but they were all planning to go together, which was cool because not only was Logan nervous to go alone but he knew lockers were assigned on a first-come, first-served basis and if they all registered together they'd have lockers next to each other. But Kendall and Carlos had gone at the planned time, while Logan had a lost-wallet crisis and ended up getting there right as his two friends were exiting the building. No one had heard from James yet so they waited around for him, and when he finally showed up—bad hair crisis, of course, they were getting their picture IDs that day as well—he and Logan went to register together. And so Kendall and Carlos had awesome lockers down the hallway from the second-floor snack machines, while Logan and James were stuck next to the boys' bathroom everyone was too afraid to go in. And right next to Mr. Giant Jerkface, apparently.

Disappointment #3 had been discovered on Logan's second day of school. His advanced-level math and biology classes looked like they were going to be everything he hoped, and he wasn't the only student who seemed excited about it. But when he tried to strike up a conversation with some of these fellow nerds, he found out that they were…well, just too nerdy. It was a shock to find guys more socially awkward than he felt, and although he thought he might be a horrible person for it the four minutes before class started were enough to make him want to run screaming into the classroom across the hall where he knew Carlos and Kendall had English.

Despite all of these setbacks Logan had been trying to stay optimistic about school. After all, if nothing else his parents had promised him a cell phone if he got straight As for the semester, and Logan was totally confident in his ability to make those grades.

The run-in that afternoon, though, had left him with a really unsettled feeling. Academics only made up one part of high school. Athletics, another part, wasn't worth worrying about this early in the year. But the third part—social interaction—was what could really make or break those four years for a guy. And if not even a week into school he was getting called…well, what that bully had called him, then what did that say about how the rest of the year was going to go? And the year after that, and the year after that? By his senior year he would be a total nerdy outcast and he'd regret not bonding with the other nerds when he had the chance, because by that point even they wouldn't deign to speak to him!

"Dude." They were at Kendall's house now—he always had the best snacks, and Logan loved his mom but Mrs. Knight was totally cooler—and apparently Logan's distracted mood hadn't gone unnoticed. "What's up with you?" Kendall asked, eyebrow raised.

"Nothing," Logan answered. He grabbed a soda and walked into the next room to plop down on the couch beside Carlos, who was flipping through channels on the TV.

"It's not nothing," Kendall said as he followed Logan into the room. He sat on the other side of the L-shaped couch, and Logan could feel the scrutiny. "You've barely said a word since we left school."

"So not talking means something must be wrong?"

"Yep." James had suddenly appeared in the room, comb in hand, probably having just finished his after-school primping. He really liked the bathroom mirror at Kendall's house; it was usually his first stop when they got there, and he had made comments about stealing it that Logan wasn't entirely sure were jokes.

"How do you figure?" Logan asked him, curious what sort of illogical reasoning James would come up with.

"This is what, like the fourth day of school?" Logan nodded. "And the first three days you wouldn't shut up about how awesome your classes are and how you're 'going to learn so much this year' and 'have you seen the advanced biology lab!' and, you know, all that crap. And today nothing. So yeah, something's wrong."

Logan stared at James, embarrassed and impressed at the same time. He hadn't realized he'd been rambling so much about school, but he really hadn't realized anyone would listen if he had been.

"You worried about that guy messing with you again?" This was Carlos, still flipping through channels but sparing a glance at Logan. "I can hang with you when you go to your locker if you want. He totally knew not to mess with us when he saw my hockey stuff." He grinned, proud of himself.

Logan considered this, and tried for a second to see his friend as a stranger would. Would someone who didn't know Carlos, seeing him for the first time in hockey gear, actually find him intimidating? _Maybe_ , Logan thought, but then the Carlos in his mind grinned and the illusion was ruined.

Caught up in his thought experiment, Logan forgot to respond to Carlos's offer, and then James was speaking again. "Dude, we'll totally kick his ass if he tries anything again. Right, Kendall?"

This was getting out of hand, and if Kendall got a chance to speak it would be too late. "Guys, no, it's fine. I'm not worried about that guy. Seriously," Logan said, eying them all in turn for emphasis. It wasn't entirely true, but he didn't need a bodyguard just to use his locker. He would just…make locker trips at the same time as James. And learn to keep them under 30 seconds.

No one said anything, and for a brief, pleasant moment Logan thought the matter was dropped. He settled back on the couch, wondering who was going to be the first to crack and grab the remote away from Carlos, when Kendall opened his big mouth again.

"So what _is_ bothering you, then?"

Logan rolled his eyes. " _Nothing_. Geez. Carlos, pick a channel already!"

"You pick," Carlos said, tossing him the remote. "I'm getting a snack." They already had snacks, but…whatever. More couldn't hurt.

The channel Carlos had stopped on was some home-shopping thing. Logan looked at the remote in his hand; he needed to start on his homework soon, but he couldn't resist the idea he had. He turned on the Discovery Channel, hoping there was some sort of especially boring or disgusting show on.

All Logan could get from watching for 10 seconds was that it was something about the human body, and not in any of what his friends would call the 'good ways.' This show appeared to be both boring _and_ disgusting. Jackpot.

He counted the seconds in his head, and was on 47 when James said "Yeah, I don't think so. Try again."

Logan shrugged, trying to hide a smirk. "Carlos said I could pick."

"Yeah and this is my house," Kendall cut in. "Change it."

"But _I_ have the remote," Logan countered, waving it at them.

Kendall raised an eyebrow, but it was James who dove first, surprising Logan and almost grabbing the remote on his first try. Logan moved it out of his reach just in time; James might be taller than him now but he wasn't _that_ much taller and Logan could still out-maneuver him when he needed to.

"Give it!" James said, squirming to get some leverage and try again.

"This is _educational!_ " Logan shot back, trying to turn over so he could crawl away before James got his bearings.

No luck. James's hand was on his shoulder, dragging him back. "We've been educated enough today!"

"There's no such thing, James," Logan informed him, and was about to resort to tickling when he realized the remote wasn't in his hand anymore. He stopped struggling and looked up to see Kendall walking back to his seat.

"Dude, you let Kendall have it?" James asked, his tone accusing. He pushed himself off of Logan—well, mostly; he still had one leg draped over Logan's—and flopped against the back of the couch with a huff. "I don't want to watch Comedy Central, either. Most of that stuff's not even funny."

"My house, my remote," Kendall said, smug.

Carlos came back in the room then, and stopped just inside the doorway to stare at them all. "I missed something fun, didn't I?" Logan couldn't help laughing at his expression.

"Just these two idiots fighting over the remote, and both of them losing," Kendall explained, gesturing at James and Logan with the object in question.

"One show, Knight," James said, in what he probably thought was a no-nonsense voice but just sounded huffy to Logan. "Then it's my turn to pick."

"Yeah, yeah," Kendall said dismissively, but Logan knew he would give up the remote when the show was over. And then they'd probably be subjected to obnoxious music videos, before getting bored with TV and deciding to do something more fun, like see who could throw a Frisbee over the house first. Then somehow a neighbor's window would get broken, and—Logan should try to get some homework done while he could. He pushed James's leg off of him and went to find his backpack, pausing on the way to marvel at whatever concoction Carlos had brought back as his 'snack.'

"What is that?" he asked, staring.

Carlos beamed. "A Pizza Roll taco. Wanna try it?"

"No thanks," Logan said, eyebrow raised, but he doubted he was heard over James.

"Dude! _I_ wanna try it!"

Logan shook his head and left them to their weird food experiments. When he had retrieved his backpack he settled on the floor behind the couch, where his friends and the TV would prove less of a distraction.

Except he soon found that without a distraction, he just started worrying about his future high school social life again. He tried to focus on his homework, but then he wondered what that said about him. Liking homework, liking school, that made him a nerd, right? A geek? But that didn't make him _gay_ , did it? He was pretty sure it didn't.

So what did, then? Or rather, what made some complete stranger decide after four days of having neighboring lockers that Logan was gay?

Maybe the guy was just looking for any sort of insult to throw at him. But he had seemed pretty adamant about it. He had even said it to Kendall, calling Logan his 'boyfriend.' Why? Just because Kendall put his arm around Logan? But Kendall did that to all of them! And people didn't call Kendall gay. Did they?

"Hey guys," Logan said, the words and their volume both surprising him. He couldn't believe he was doing this, but he had to know, and there wasn't anyone else to ask.

"Yeah?" all three of them answered, and it even sounded like Kendall turned the volume on the TV down a bit.

"Do I…" He paused, and took a deep breath. "Do I ever…ever, like, seem gay to you guys?"

There was silence, and Logan didn't want to imagine the expressions on his friends' faces. He had expected laughter, a rushed 'No, of course not' or two, maybe a 'Dude, what are you talking about?'…but not silence. Maybe he should be grateful, or whatever, that they were actually considering it instead of just giving an arbitrary answer, but—he couldn't take this silence.

"Guys!" he said, moving up on his knees to look over the back of the couch at them. "This is _not_ comforting!" The looks they were giving him were unreadable, and he wanted to sink back down behind the couch and hide forever.

"Is that what you were upset about? Because the dude called you—those names?" Kendall asked, eyes a little wide.

"He doesn't know you, Logan," Carlos said, offering a friendly smile. "Not like we do."

Okay, that _really_ wasn't comforting. "What the hell, guys? You mean I've been going around acting gay and no one's bothered to tell me?!"

"No, no, that's not what we're saying," Kendall said quickly, jumping up to face Logan and putting his hands out in front of him in a placating gesture.

"So what _are_ you saying, then?" Panic was starting to rise in Logan. What did this mean? Was it too late to change how he acted? Would he always come off as gay? _Was_ he gay?

"What does it matter how you act?" Logan turned to James as he asked the question, noting that his expression hadn't changed, and was the most unreadable of all.

"Dude, this is _high school_ ," Logan said, trying to make him understand. "It matters. You should get that more than anyone."

"Just because I care about what people think about me doesn't mean you should." Logan gave him a 'yeah, uh-huh' look and James turned slightly in his seat to face him head-on. "No, seriously. Logan, you're _you_ , and if someone wants to pick out certain aspects of you and base their entire opinion on that, and then use that to _insult_ you, they're an idiot jackass who isn't worth your time. So don't worry about it."

Logan was blushing before the weight of what James had said even sunk in all the way. Then he noticed that James was turning a little pink, too, and suddenly things were awkward. Logan figured the best way to fix it would be to keep going. This probably made no sense, but Logan was embarrassed and it clouded his judgment.

"Okay, so…even still, I want to know. What do I do that makes me seem gay? I mean, I probably couldn't change it by this point even if I tried. But I still want to know." _I need to know_ , Logan thought.

More silence, as they all exchanged glances. Logan wanted to throw something.

"It's kind of…" Kendall began.

"…Hard to explain?" Carlos finished for him, twisting his face up as he tried to come up with the right words.

"How hard could it be?" Logan demanded, voice cracking.

"Honestly Logan, I don't think anyone but us would even notice," Kendall tried, expression somewhere between calming and pensive.

"Well obviously someone did!" Logan nearly shrieked, his hands moving about on their own. His knees were starting to hurt, so he turned back around and huddled on the floor.

A second later he could feel three faces peering at him from over the back of the couch, but he didn't look up.

"No, he was just being a total jerk," James offered.

"Yeah, it's not like he knows you've never been interested in girls," Carlos added, sounding like he thought this was actually helpful.

Logan's head shot up from where it was resting on his knees and he spun around to face them, arms waving again. "I'm 14, guys! I'm a _late bloomer!_ "

"No, _Carlos_ was a late bloomer," Kendall corrected him. Carlos shrugged, not bothering to deny it. With the exception of their fifth-grade teacher, who Carlos spent several months thoroughly convinced he was going to marry (when Logan tried to point out she was already married it never seemed to make a difference), Carlos had insisted girls were 'icky' until halfway through 8th grade. "Besides," Kendall continued, driving the stake in further, "you're the oldest one here."

"But I—I could—That doesn't mean I—I'm not interested in boys, either!" Logan sputtered, feeling like a deer in the headlights.

"We didn't say you were, dude," James said, and if he was trying to sound reassuring he was failing.

"But it would be cool if you were," Kendall added quickly.

"Totally," Carlos agreed, nodding.

"If you don't know yet that's cool too," Kendall continued. "We're your friends, dude. No matter what."

Logan stared at them, wide-eyed, starting to feel a little sick to his stomach. Was this just some sort of elaborate prank? It had to be, right? Because this—they couldn't be serious. His best friends could not _seriously_ be having the 'we'll love you no matter what' talk with him when he hadn't even told them he was gay. When he hadn't even _decided_ he was, or discovered, or however the hell that worked. He was only 14! Well, almost 15, but still. And it's not like any of _them_ had dated that much. He was about to point that out when James started talking again.

"Yeah, and these two would probably be happy about it if you were gay. Less competition."

All three of them stared at him. There were a few things wrong with that statement, Logan knew, but he was having trouble sorting them at the moment. Luckily Kendall did it for him.

"Wait, what?" Kendall asked, resting an arm on the back of the couch while he narrowed his eyes at James in confusion-bordering-on-offense. Carlos backed up a little to get out of the way. "You're saying Logan would be competition for me and Carlos, but not you?"

James shrugged. "Yes and no. It depends."

"It _depends_? Do elaborate, James," Kendall told him with a hand flourish, and there was a hint of a challenge in his eyes now.

 _Well this can't end well_ , Logan thought.

"Well, first of all," James began, propping an elbow on the back of the couch and resting his chin in his hand, "let's be honest here. As far as girls go, _none_ of you are any real threat to me. It's just the way it is."

Kendall's eyes narrowed in a dangerous way and Logan was studying him, trying to decide if this was mock-danger or the real kind. Surely he wasn't actually surprised by what James was saying?

"But as far as _guys_ go," James continued, and at this Logan's jaw dropped and his head spun to look at James again, "I really don't know. I'd probably still be in a different league than Logan, but I'd have to do some more research to know for sure."

Logan was gaping at James, and although he couldn't pry his eyes away to check he figured the other two probably were too. James looked coolly back at them all.

"So…wait," Carlos tried, sounding beyond confused. "You… _you're_ gay? But, I thought…" He trailed off into nothing, and he sounded so lost Logan half-expected him to whimper.

James shrugged. "I haven't decided. I mean, if Logan doesn't have to pick one right now, then neither do I, right?"

Okay, this was officially the weirdest day of Logan's life. Probably. He couldn't be bothered to reexamine all the other weird days right this instant.

"Dude, I don't think that's something you just get to decide," Kendall reasoned.

"Why not?" James countered, crossing his arms in front of him. They had all settled further down on the couch and Logan was having trouble seeing them now. "Girls have been fun so far, but that doesn't mean guys wouldn't be fun too. Maybe even more fun, I don't know. But right now we're in the middle of nowhere, Minnesota, so there hasn't exactly been a lot of opportunity to find out. I don't know if any dudes at our school are gay, but I'm pretty sure none of them are hot enough to be worth it if they are. But it's still early in the year, so we'll see."

"You two aren't…going to start dating or anything, are you? Because that would be weird."

When Logan realized Carlos was talking about _him and James_ he couldn't take it anymore, any of it. He started putting his things back in his backpack.

"What are you doing?" Kendall asked.

"Heading home," he answered without looking up. "I just—I have a lot of homework, and I can't concentrate here, so I'm going home to work on it. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

He stood up and started heading for the door, and was almost stopped by a near-desperate "Logan…" from Carlos. He understood the tone; Logan was the voice of reason, and he was leaving. James was being extra-weird, Kendall was probably still eying James like he might decide to hit him, and Carlos was caught in the middle of it.

If Logan turned around and looked at him he'd probably end up staying and trying to fix things, so instead he just said "Bye" and hurried out the door.

——————

Once he was safely outside Logan took a deep breath before heading to his bike. Getting away from that weird tension definitely helped, but he had a sudden vision of feeling jittery or distracted on his bicycle and careening into a ditch, crushing all the bones in his hand and ruining his chances of becoming a surgeon (not that he was sure he wanted to be one, but he liked to keep his options open). So he decided he'd just walk his bike home. It wasn't that far.

He was halfway down the driveway when he heard the front door open and shut. He sighed, wondering who it was. Kendall, coming to check on him? Carlos, pleading with him to stay?

When he turned to look, James was bounding down the sidewalk, and suddenly Logan felt nervous.

"Wait up!" James called to him as he retrieved his own bike, then walked it down the driveway to meet Logan.

"What are you doing?" Logan asked, trying to keep his voice neutral but still sounding a little aggravated.

"I wanted you to help me with some homework."

Logan stared at his friend for a moment. It wasn't that he never helped James with his homework; Carlos too. But that was usually after a frantic late-night call, or after something was due a day ago. James never cared about his homework this early in the afternoon.

"Okay, what are you really doing?" he asked suspiciously. "Did Kendall send you to check on me?"

"I volunteered," James admitted with a shrug. "I wanted to talk to you about something." He motioned with his head, and they started walking their bikes together in the direction of Logan's house. "Oh, and I told Carlos we're not going to start dating or anything."

"Good," Logan said, actually relieved. He felt bad that he hadn't answered the question himself; it was probably part of why Carlos seemed so upset.

A few houses later James still hadn't said anything else, and Logan cracked. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

There was no answer, and Logan was considering shoving James until—"Things kind of got out of hand in there, and uh…no one even asked you if _you_ ever thought you, y'know, might be gay."

And now Logan knew he was right to be nervous. "No one ever answered my question, either."

"That's because we can't, Logan," he said, and when Logan glanced at him James was staring steadfastly at the ground. "Like I said, to us, you're just _you_. I mean, I don't think any of us had ever even thought about it till you brought it up, and then it was like 'Yeah, I guess maybe someone might think that…' but we don't really know _why_. If you want I can try telling you when I notice things? But seriously, man, none of us care and you shouldn't either."

Logan sighed. "No, it's fine. I was just—really surprised, you know? I've been called names before, but never like that."

"Yeah, I know. I was pretty confused by it, too. So, then…you really think you'll start liking chicks at some point? And you've never had an interest in guys?"

As much as he didn't want to, Logan thought about it. James was being honest with him, so he should be honest back. Finally he shrugged. "About girls…I don't know. It's not like I think that they're icky, or anything," he said, and they both chuckled. "It's just…there's always been something more important. And we _just_ started high school, so there's still time for that to change. I might just be a _really_ late bloomer." That got another laugh from James, and Logan smiled. "As for guys…I mean, I've never thought about it before, but no. I don't think, at least. I don't feel weird when I wrestle around with you guys or anything. And I don't know how else to tell."

James made a noise in acknowledgment, and they walked in silence for a little while longer. Then Logan asked tentatively, "What about you? Have you…ever had an interest in guys?" Logan glanced sidelong at James, and saw him lift his head up and stand a little straighter. He was entering confidence-mode, and hopefully that didn't mean he would stop being honest.

"Yeah," James answered, and Logan's heart thudded a little louder at this revelation. "I mean, not anyone in particular. Not you guys or anything, because, ew. But like, celebrities? Yeah, sometimes."

"Oh." It was the only safe thing to say, Logan felt. But then he remembered what Kendall and Carlos had told him. "That's, that's totally cool James, you know that right?" He felt awkward saying it, but it was the truth and he wanted James to hear it.

James laughed. "Yeah, I know. Thanks though. And it's not like I've, y'know, _done_ anything with a guy before. Like I said, there haven't been any chances. Which is…the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."

Logan stopped in his tracks and looked at James, wide-eyed and with that panicked feeling returning. "What?"

"Dude, no, hear me out," James said, stopping as well to turn and face Logan. There was a plan brewing in those hazel eyes, and Logan didn't like it at all.

"I don't think I want to."

"Come on, just listen. If you don't like it you don't have to agree."

He looked so hopeful that Logan knew there was no point fighting it; he'd give in eventually. "Okay, what is it?" he said with a sigh.

"Okay, so," James began, lowering the kickstand on his bike so he could have his hands free. After looking around almost furtively, he continued. "We're pretty much in the worst place in the country for figuring out if you like making out with dudes. Right?" Logan didn't say anything, but he was pretty sure there were worse places to be. He was too busy trying not to be sick to think of one. "There are seriously no hot guys around. At least none even close to my standards. Except maybe you guys, but again, ew. Although, we're young, that might change."

Logan could only imagine what his face looked like at that moment. He found himself hoping parents really were lying when they told kids their faces would 'get stuck like that'.

"And even if it doesn't," James went on, "once we graduate I'm out of here. And I can _not_ go out into the world without having ever even kissed a guy. Because what if I meet some super-hot dude out there and he wants to make out with me but then it turns out it's not fun at all? And then I break his heart and he's related to some super record producer and it ruins my chances to be famous forever?"

Caught somewhere between abject horror and the unexpected laughter building in his chest, Logan just stood and stared.

"And I know—I _know_ —you won't ever figure this out on your own. Sure, you'll probably end up kissing a girl at some point, but you'll be too nervous or freaked out or whatever to ever try it with a guy. And maybe I'm wrong, but for both of us I think we'll never really know until we do try it. So this'll be good for both of us."

Horror was starting to win out as the point James was making finally dawned on Logan. "Wait, are you—do you mean you think we should _make out_?"

"Not right now," James hurriedly assured him, but it only made Logan feel the slightest bit better. "Sometime in the future. If one of us still hasn't ever kissed a guy. Just so we can know. We can make one of those pack things."

Logan furrowed his eyebrows at this, his brain so overloaded that it took him a second to figure out what James meant. "A pact? You want to make a pact?"

"Yeah, that!" James said, face lighting up. "Just so neither of us graduates without knowing what we want."

Logan started pushing his bike again, needing to move while he thought about this. The fact that he even _was_ thinking about it scared him on a deep level, but his logical brain couldn't deny that James had a point. James followed along with him, thankfully giving Logan the time to think uninterrupted.

"Can we make it so that it has to be if _both_ of us have never…kissed a guy?" Logan's cheeks were hot, and his voice was small, and he couldn't believe what he was saying. But this was a loophole he had latched onto; the chance that James would in fact find some other guy to kiss before they graduated was big enough to bet on.

"No, that won't work," James said, shaking his head. "This is to help both of us, Logan, it won't work unless we're in it together. What if some hot new transfer student shows up in a year or two and falls instantly in love with me? Then I'll get to find out whether I'm gay, or halfway-gay, or whatever, but what about you? This is important for you too."

"Halfway-gay, James? Do you mean bisexual?"

"Right, that's the word," he agreed, nodding. "But yeah. It has to be if _either_ of us still hasn't kissed a guy."

"And what if you're dating this hypothetical transfer student?" Logan was grasping at straws here, he knew. "I don't think he'd like you making out with me just because of a pact."

"And I care? I knew you first. And besides, I'll probably break up with him before graduation anyway. Can't be tied down when I leave."

Logan tried not to laugh at James's choice of words: 'I will' instead of 'I would'. Apparently this guy wasn't just hypothetical anymore.

"So do we have a deal then?"

They stopped again, and Logan could feel James's eyes on him. This was a bad idea. This was a _really_ bad idea.

"Graduation, right?" Logan asked.

" _Before_ graduation," James clarified. "At least the night before. Earlier if you want."

Yeah, Logan didn't see that happening. He took a deep breath. "Okay then."

"Okay, really?" James asked, voice excited. Logan nodded, but still wouldn't look at him. "Awesome! Let's shake on it."

He stuck out his hand, and Logan eyed it for a second. There was no going back once they shook. He held his own hand out tentatively, and then James was grasping it. Logan finally looked up to see James smiling at him, and Logan smiled back, and a little voice in the back of his mind was saying _this is a terrible, terrible idea_.

The pact formed, they started walking with their bikes again. "I really do need help with my homework," James said after a few moments of not-too-awkward silence.

Logan laughed. "Okay, fine. Let's go." He hopped on his bike, and had about a 3-second head start before James caught on and they raced the rest of the way to Logan's house.

——————

Things between Logan and James were a little different after that, although Logan sometimes wondered if he was the only one who noticed. Their pact wasn't mentioned again while they were in Minnesota, but it still hung in the air between them, connecting them, bringing a new dimension to their friendship. It was subtle, but after that day Logan always felt a little more _aware_ of James than he had before. That first year of high school ended up being tougher on all of them than they expected, and they all grew closer because of it but with James it wasn't just that they got closer. It was like something shifted, slightly. Logan couldn't really explain it; maybe having this secret promise between them just made even normal interactions something a little special.

Whatever it was, the move to Hollywood during their sophomore year changed things again. Circumstances were different; suddenly they were surrounded by hot guys—Logan could admit that, even if he wasn't sure he wanted to actually, like, _touch_ them or anything—and so the whole underlying basis for the pact was gone. Logan thought James might have forgotten about it entirely. Which should have been a relief, but oddly enough it wasn't; that pact had always been there, lingering in the back of of Logan's mind, reminding him _you don't have to know now, it's okay to still be confused, don't worry about it yet_. When it came down to it, if Logan still didn't know exactly what he wanted, James would help him figure it out. And that was _comforting_ , somehow. It gave him one less thing to stress about.

But now they were in L.A., and everyone wanted James—everyone—and Logan felt like he was being left to fend for himself. At least until one day, over a year and a half into their California adventure, when things changed yet again. Big time.


	2. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James decides to collect on his and Logan's pact a little early.

James wondered if Logan ever forgot about their pact. Sometimes James did. He couldn't help it; since they never talked about it, it was easy to get caught up in the excitement their lives had become after moving to L.A. and let things like childhood promises slip his mind. But then some hot guy—there really were a lot of them in California—would smile at him all flirty and the pact would resurface in his mind, stopping him before he could smile back.

Logan was seriously costing him a lot of potential dates. And make-out sessions. And…whatnot.

For the most part James didn't really mind, because once they left Minnesota the pact became much less about James and much more about Logan. The only thing stopping James from trying his luck with a guy back home had been the lack of quality opportunities; the only thing stopping Logan was pretty much everything. There were enough hot girls around that James was willing to make this sacrifice for Logan.

He didn't even have to stop and wonder why he was willing. He would have done it for any of them; his friends had given up so much for him, and even though they all enjoyed the benefits of this new life James never forgot it had cost them each something important. Well, okay, sometimes he forgot. But the point was, the sacrifice he was making for Logan didn't stem from a sense of debt, or even the general loyalty he felt for each of his best friends. Maybe it was a direct result of the pact itself and the fact that James was genuinely convinced Logan could go his whole life telling himself he only ever thought about girls if someone didn't force him to confront his own sexuality. Maybe it was because the pact had made James think about what kissing Logan might be like and now he was curious to know for real.

Or maybe it was because James's relationship with Logan was something a little different than what he had with Kendall or even Carlos. There weren't words for it, at least not words that James knew, and he was afraid if he tried asking Logan his friend would look at him like he had no idea what James was talking about. But James felt it all the same. He felt it in the little thrill he got whenever Logan took his side in an argument, and not just because Logan was a genius so whichever side he picked had to be the right one. He felt it in how quickly Logan forgave him over the Camille issue, and was always totally okay with James and Camille being good friends both before and after the kiss. He felt it in the way he had been nervous bringing his sneaker reselling idea to Logan—because it _seemed_ like a good way to make money but he couldn't tell for sure, and he didn't want Logan to pry too much about the reasons James was willing to get his hands on such amazing shoes and then give them up—but as soon as Logan heard it he jumped on board and started figuring out the details.

Of course, when James _did_ get his hands on the shoes the worries about how he was mostly broke and might have to give his friends bandanna origami animals for Christmas (again) had disappeared in the face of sleek black leather and shiny gold perfection. But even though it ended up in a fight and him and Logan costing each other $250, there were no lasting hard feelings in either direction which James thought was pretty impressive. In fact the whole thing had turned into a story they liked to tell in interviews, dissolving into laughter as they recounted the tragic fate of the poor sneakers.

(James actually still had those Buster Clydes, though he was pretty sure Logan thought they'd been tossed. They were hidden safely away in James's room, and although months of searching hadn't turned up any magic shoe-repair shops that could fix them, James was still convinced one existed. This was Los Angeles, after all. The whole city was magic.)

James felt the differences, but he didn't know how or when they'd started. Probably long before he'd ever noticed. All of the guys had their loyalties tested sometimes, but in the past year his and Logan's friendship had been tested in ways his friendship with the others hadn't. And while James wouldn't say they'd passed every test with flying colors, each one had shown him that much more how what he had with Logan was just a little bit special. And so, yeah, James was okay with waiting to date guys. Because it was for Logan.

Well, James was okay with it until he wasn't, at least.

——————

It was getting into autumn now, the time of year when they all started missing Minnesota a little more than usual. Here in L.A. there were no crisp breezes or leaves changing color, no fresh hot apple cider or pumpkin patches everywhere, no hockey season right around the corner. On the other hand, they did have an awesome pool and bright sunlight that was great for tanning, they got to record music and had fans who loved them, and there were attractive people everywhere. James was okay with the trade-off.

Still, he was pretty sure he wasn't having quite as much fun in L.A. as he could be having, and it was all Logan's fault. Logan was already 18, James would be soon, and he was starting to lose his patience. His sacrifice was becoming less willing, bit by bit. At this point it seemed pointless to follow the pact to the letter and wait until graduation; there had been plenty of time already and if Logan hadn't gotten up the nerve to kiss a guy so far those last few months weren't going to make any difference.

(Sometimes, James wondered what would have happened if it had been some crazy boy who had latched onto Logan when they got to California, instead of Camille. He wondered, but he could never come up with an answer, partly because it was too weird to imagine those early days _without_ Camille being crazy about Logan.)

It was on a late Tuesday afternoon during an impromptu foosball game that James decided to bring up their pact. He and Logan had the apartment to themselves for the moment, but there was no telling how long that would last so he had to make his case quickly and hope for the best. And hope that his friend even remembered. But Logan wouldn't really forget something like that, right?

"I don't think we should wait until graduation," James said matter-of-factly, hitting the miniature puck towards the goal.

There was no response for a second, then Logan dropped his hands from the knobs and stood up. "What?"

James leaned forward to look at Logan, hands propping him up on the table dome. "So you _did_ forget!" He had to admit it hurt a little. Logan stared wide-eyed back at him.

"Are you…" Logan started to say, then looked around the room before continuing in a near-whisper, "Are you talking about… _the pact_?"

"Oh!" James said with a smile as he crossed his arms. "You do remember. Cool."

"Of course I _remember_ , James," Logan replied, still looking confused. "But why are you bringing it up now?"

"Because I'm tired of holding back for your benefit."

Logan raised an eyebrow at him. "Oookay, I'm still lost."

"Dude, do you remember or don't you? If either one of us kisses a guy it ruins the whole thing. So I've been passing up all these chances just to make sure you don't end up going your whole life without knowing if you're into guys." It made him feel very selfless to say it, which was probably bad but oh well. James was an awesome friend, and it didn't hurt to remind people every once in a while.

Logan blinked, and looked like he might be holding back a laugh. "James, _you're_ the one who isn't remembering it right. We _had_ this discussion, back then. You said the pact was that if _either_ of us had never kissed a dude, not both of us. You were pretty insistent about it."

James's jaw dropped. Logan was totally right. James's memory had twisted everything around and gotten it backwards. This made _so much more sense!_ But that meant…

"So I've been _not_ kissing guys all this time for no reason?" He was on the verge of pouting.

"Yep, pretty much," Logan said with a nod. "For what it's worth, it's, uh, cute that you were looking out for me though. And sweet."

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, cute and sweet for a year and a half when I could have been making out with _hot dudes!_ "

A chuckle escaped from Logan and James glared at him. "Um…sorry?" he offered. "But now you know, right? So you can make up for lost time."

James huffed and stood there for a second, considering. Logan was right, but… "I still think we should do the pact now."

"What? Why?" Logan asked, and his voice had an edge of fear to it.

"Because I've been waiting all this time to kiss you, dammit." Logan blushed immediately, and James realized that may not have sounded quite like how he intended it. "I mean, not waiting to kiss _you_ , but… _waiting_ to kiss you."

Somehow that actually seemed to make sense to Logan, because he didn't question it. "Yeah, and you can just keep _waiting_ until graduation."

"See, that's my other point," James said, waving a hand towards Logan. "You're just stalling. You're going to be kissing me either way, because there is basically no chance you'd kiss any other guy between now and then. So you might as well just get it over with now. And then I can stop worrying about you and focus on more fun things. Like making out with hot dudes."

James stared at Logan, and Logan stared back, still red-faced. "Like, _right_ now?" he finally said.

"Yep," James answered, nodding. "We're alone, so it's as good a time as any."

Logan started fidgeting and looking around again, nervously. "Can we go into one of the bedrooms?" James raised an eyebrow at him. "No, no, not like that," he said, waving his hands for emphasis. "I just mean we're…kind of exposed here. Someone could walk in on us."

"You're embarrassed to be seen kissing me?"

" _James_ ," Logan said, pleading. "I don't—I don't know if I want it to be public knowledge. Or anyone's knowledge. I mean…I just don't want to have to answer to anyone else for it, before I've even had time to figure things out for myself. Can you understand that?"

"Of course I can, Logan," James replied, not sure if he should be offended. Logan looked relieved at the answer, so he decided not to be. "Besides, I don't really want to be interrupted until we've done this right." He grinned and had Logan blushing furiously again in no time. "So, which room? Yours is closer."

"Which is why we're going to yours. We should be able to hear anyone coming up the stairs."

James laughed. "You're so paranoid."

"It's called _planning ahead_. You should try it sometime."

James gave him a look and Logan smirked. "After you," James said, turning and gesturing towards the hallway with mock politeness. Logan started walking, but stopped once he was through the first doorway.

James stepped up behind Logan and put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be okay, dude," he said, trying to channel some of his own confidence into his friend. "It's just a kiss. No big deal."

"Right, no big deal," Logan said, sarcastically, but he was walking again. James followed behind. "Just a kiss. We'll just forget the fact that I'll be kissing a _guy_ , and not just that but, y'know, one of my best friends since forever. No pressure, no reason to be nervous at all." His voice was strained, and he started to sound panicky towards the end.

James laughed, hoping that was the right reaction. "You have a point. I'm _always_ a big deal." Logan didn't say anything, but James could tell by the way he moved his head he was rolling his eyes. James grinned as they both headed up the stairs. "Well, is there someone you'd _rather_ be kissing? I don't really care who kisses who as long as we both get some guy-on-guy tongue action today."

Logan stopped right as he reached the top of the staircase. "Tongue?" he nearly choked out.

With Logan a few steps above him James had a nice view of his friend's ass, which he didn't really mind, but… "Just go, dude," he prodded, poking Logan in the back.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea," Logan said, voice full of nerves.

"And I'm not sure I want to keep staring at your butt, so move it," James countered. "You can freak out once we're actually in my room."

Which is pretty much exactly what he did. Once James had closed his door he turned to find Logan wild-eyed, wringing his hands together. He looked like he was about to start shaking. "I don't think I can do this, James. I don't know why I agreed to it in the first place."

"For the same reason I did, Logan. We both need to know." James leaned back against the door and slid until he was sitting on the ground. "But it's not going to work if you're all jittery like this. So I'm gonna sit here until you ask me to get up. Just try to relax."

Logan looked at James for a second, then looked away. He started pacing, walking a short line back and forth. Then he tried sitting on the floor, but hopped up again almost immediately. All in all it was pretty amusing, except Logan was seriously freaking out and James didn't like it.

He looked too much like the Logan from three years ago, freaking out during the conversation that led up to the pact being formed. James loved that Logan, but if he wanted to make out with him he'd have talked Logan into it that same day. The pact had been future-dated for a reason, and it had turned out better than James ever expected. Because he _did_ want to make out with the Logan he knew now, here in L.A. The Logan that had agreed to a silly make-money-quick scheme involving a pair of sneakers, the Logan that had sided with him instead of Kendall when they wrote their first song as a group, the Logan that had danced with James at prom, embarrassed but not enough to run away. The Logan he had shared stages and sound booths with, who was helping to make James's dreams come true.

The Logan from the day they made their pact was a kid, who buckled under pressure and would agree to just about anything his friends wanted him to do.

…And okay, current Logan was still really easy to convince against his better judgment, but current Logan was not a kid. Current Logan was hot.

Something in his reasoning struck James as sort of wrong, and he sighed. Maybe this wasn't one of those things he should be trying to talk Logan into, even if it was for his own good. "Look, Logan, if you really don't want to do this—"

"No," Logan cut him off, looking James in the eye again for a split second. "You're right, I know you're right. I haven't spent the last three years dreading this moment, so that must mean I want to do this. It's just—I thought I had more time, and this is so sudden, but you're right because it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I was going to freak out whenever it happened. Just…give me a minute to let my brain win this argument with my body, okay?"

James blinked a few times before he started laughing loudly. He threw his head back against the door, barely noticing when it hurt, and when his laughter finally died down there were tears in the corners of his eyes. He wiped at them with the back of a hand, still chuckling softly.

"What was _that_ about?" Logan asked, and at least he didn't sound nervous anymore. Confused and maybe a bit offended, but not nervous.

James looked at him, trying not to giggle again. "Did you hear yourself just now, Logan? Your brain and your body are arguing over whether to kiss someone, and your _body_ is the one saying no while your _brain_ tells you to go for it? Only you, Logan. Only you." He grinned up at his friend.

For a moment Logan looked like he couldn't decide whether to be more offended or just amused. His eyes narrowed, then his mouth twitched, then finally he shook his head. "Come on, stand up."

James didn't need to be told twice. He shot up off the floor, closing the distance between himself and Logan in three steps, intending to swoop in without any more warning. But Logan stuck his hands out and stopped James in his tracks, then held him at arm's length. James stood, watching Logan, waiting.

Logan wouldn't make eye contact, but he seemed to be gathering up his courage. When he started leaning forward, gaze focused on James's mouth, James felt the first stirrings of what might have been nerves in his chest and stomach. Then Logan's lips were on his, pressing lightly, and just as that fact was starting to register they were gone again.

James blinked a few times, eyes not really focused on anything. "Dude, what was that?" he asked as he felt Logan's hands drop from his shoulders.

"What do you mean, what was that? That was a kiss," Logan answered, indignation in his tone.

"Um, dude, no it wasn't," James said, shaking his head rapidly. "The time Carlos kissed you on a dare in the third grade lasted longer than—whatever _that_ was."

Logan's eyes looked like they were going to pop right out of his head. "Oh God," he said, backing up, his expression horror-struck.

"What, what?" James spun around to look behind him, expecting to see some sort of ax-murderer. Or Kendall.

"I—I totally forgot about that!"

"Wait, what?" James asked, jerking back around to face Logan again. "How did you _forget_ that? That's how you and Carlos _met_!"

"Yes, I remember that now!" Logan yelled back. He shuddered. "I don't know, I guess I…blocked it out, or something. God. Why did you have to _remind_ me?!"

James narrowed his eyes, feeling a little offended on Carlos's behalf. "Hey, I don't think it would make Carlos feel very good if he saw you reacting like this—"

"Don't you tell him!" Logan shouted, pointing a finger at James. "He's probably blocked it out too, just let it stay that way!"

At this James rolled his eyes. "I really don't think he cares, Logan. That was like 10 years ago. And it was a _dare_."

"Yes, and we're never going to mention it again," Logan said, breathing heavy. "Are we, James?"

James huffed, torn between wanting to defend Carlos and wanting to get back to the topic at hand. "Whatever you say, Logan," he said, waving a hand in the air. "Now get back over here so we can do this right."

"What do you mean? We kissed, we're done," Logan said, but James could tell he didn't even buy it himself.

"No no no." James shook his head. "I might have gotten some things mixed up, but I distinctly remember the phrase 'make out' being used when we made this pact. A one-second peck doesn't even come close to cutting it, so quit stalling and let's do this."

Logan scrunched up his face at James. "You're insufferable sometimes, you know that?"

"Well the sooner we start the kissing, the sooner you can get away from me," James pointed out helpfully.

That got him a laugh. Logan seemed to be relaxed again, so James decided to take the initiative. He stepped closer to Logan, more slowly this time, and when Logan didn't react James put a hand on the back of his neck, making sure he didn't escape again. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments before Logan settled on watching James's mouth again. There was a fluttery feeling starting in James's stomach, stronger than before, but instead of giving himself time to worry about that or the tiny bit of fear in Logan's eyes James leaned down and kissed him.

At first all James realized was that Logan wasn't trying to pull away, which was a good sign. Then he noticed Logan had closed his eyes, and James smiled against Logan's mouth as he closed his own as well.

That was when the kiss really began, as Logan's whole body seemed to relax at once; James could feel it through his lips as well as the hand still on Logan's neck. Their lips started moving together slowly, and James pulled his hand back a little to rest it along Logan's jawline, brushing fingertips lightly against his ear on the way. Logan shivered at the touch, and for a second James was surprised, but then he remembered: Logan had sensitive ears. Everyone knew that.

James tilted Logan's head slightly, adjusting their angle, and that was better. Logan's mouth was open against his, and while Logan wasn't exactly kissing him back passionately, he wasn't exactly kissing back shyly either. With a little more encouragement on James's part there was a lot of potential for fun here.

He opened his mouth wider, licking along Logan's bottom lip to see how he reacted. Logan stopped moving completely, and maybe James had gone too far but no, no; Logan's lip was actually _quivering_ against James's tongue, he was holding still because he _liked_ it, not because it was too much. James was feeling pretty damn proud of himself, and it spurred him to run his fingers over Logan's ear again, just barely touching the skin.

"James," Logan breathed against his mouth, voice and body both shuddering. There was emotion behind the whispered word; something James was too preoccupied to identify, and something else he knew right away. _Want_. Tentative but there, and oh, it was _on_ now. James grasped the side of Logan's neck as his tongue snuck into Logan's open mouth. The response was immediate; Logan's lips pushed against James's, inviting James to explore as much as he wanted.

Yes, this was definitely fun.

James's free hand reached up to grip Logan's side, right above his hip, and without really meaning to he gave the slightest tug. When Logan actually _moved closer_ James didn't know what to do with himself. Then Logan's hand was on his shoulder, fingers digging in to match the pressure on his own skin. Logan's tongue was in James's mouth now, and the longer this kiss lasted the better Logan was getting at it; the desire to find out just how good Logan could be was the only thing keeping James from moving to kiss Logan's ear or neck or jaw—probably ear because he was really interested in seeing what that would accomplish, but—that was a hand grabbing at his shirt now, that was _Logan's hand_ twisting the fabric, and it had been a brilliant idea to do this in one of the bedrooms, Logan really was a genius, and now James just needed to maneuver them a little to the left…

The knock on the door was a faint, faraway sound behind the beating of James's heart and his focused attention on any little noise that Logan made. He didn't hear the door open at all but suddenly Logan was gone; his lips, his tongue, the heat of his breath against James's face, even his hands. James was about to ask what the deal was when he saw the look on Logan's face, that ax-murderer look again, and when he turned around this time he found it wasn't for nothing.

Mrs. Knight was standing there, laundry basket in hand, shocked look on her face. It was an almost comically familiar sight, except this time what was there to say?

"We made a pact," James tried, and realized as he was saying it Logan had said the exact same thing. They looked at each other, James's expression mirroring Logan's, and then Logan took off, past Mrs. Knight and out the door and down the steps.

"Logan, wait!" James called out hastily, then tried to follow him but was blocked by Mrs. Knight.

"James?" she said, confusion and concern in her voice.

James didn't have time for this; something was telling him he needed to go after Logan. Now. Plus…he was still a little too turned on to be having a conversation with anyone's mom. "Um, any chance we could talk about this later, Mama Knight? Please?" He tried to give her his best hopeful-pleading look, and although he felt like he wasn't pulling it off very well Mrs. Knight was pretty much the coolest lady in the world, so she let him go.

"Fine. But just know—there _will_ be a talk about this. Soon."

James smiled in relief. "Got it. Thanks!" he said, then shot out of the room and down the steps.

He barged into Logan and Kendall's room without knocking and scanned the room quickly. "Logan?" he called. There was no answer, and he didn't see Logan anywhere. He was about to go check the bathroom when he spotted the closed closet door, and crossed the room to investigate. When he tried the knob and found it was locked, he knew he'd found Logan.

He was in the closet because the only bedroom in the apartment that still had a locked door was Mrs. Knight and Katie's room. That had been a lesson learned the hard way when Carlos broke down the door to his own room one day, convinced James wasn't responding to him because he was suffocating under a pile of his own clothing. It turned out James—while appreciative of Carlos's concern, of course—wasn't even in the room; Carlos had accidentally locked it on his way out earlier in the day. To avoid any repeats, the replacement door didn't have a lock at all. Logan and Kendall had lost locking-door privileges a little later; that one was James's fault, because he thought locking Kendall out of his own room would be a hilarious way to spend an afternoon. (It totally was.)

Some time after that the guys reached a mutual decision: they needed _someplace_ with a locked door, besides just the bathroom. So they pooled their money and bought locks for both closets, which Logan had installed. They were hardly ever used, but Logan had told them his theory that just having the option helped to keep tensions down. Somehow they had managed to keep the locks a secret so far.

And that's where Logan was now; he'd locked himself in his closet. James couldn't help giggling at it—Logan had just made out with another guy for the first time and now he was shut away in a closet. It was funny.

Except that it kind of wasn't, because James was knocking and saying Logan's name over and over but there was no response. What was Logan even _doing_ in there?

A possibility struck James and his eyebrows shot up. "Dude, are you…" he started to ask, voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "You're not, like…y'know…touching yourself or anything in there, are you?" Still no response.

It wasn't a completely crazy idea to think that was what Logan might be doing. After all, he had just made out with James Diamond. James had that effect on people. And it had been a really hot kiss, even by James's standards.

Wondering if this made him a pervert, James pressed his ear against the door to see if he could hear anything. Really, he just wanted to make sure Logan was _okay_. Although if he wanted to continue where they left off that would be cool too.

James sunk down into a crouch, ear to the door the whole way until he finally caught a sound. It was nothing dirty, though. Just music. It was faint, but if it was loud enough to hear through the door it must have been blaring in Logan's ears. James strained to listen, and then he realized what it was. Jazz. Logan's go-to block-the-world-out music.

James sighed. Unless he suddenly learned how to pick a lock, or could figure out where Logan had hidden the key, there would be no getting through to him while he was in there. James sat down anyway, his back against the door, and tried to figure out what he would say to Logan when he got the chance.

He couldn't come up with anything. If he was lucky Logan was on the other side of the door figuring out the same problem, because Logan would definitely be able to come up with something.

James gave up on thinking about it and instead started thinking about this new world that was now open to him. Making out with Logan had been every bit as fun and hot and generally awesome as James had always suspected kissing a guy would be. He couldn't believe he'd waited so long to find out, but of course it was his own stupid fault he thought he had to. Still, as far as firsts went, Logan had definitely not been a disappointment.

So now what? There were too many places James could go from here. He started doing a mental review of all the guys that had ever flirted with him, and all the guys James had wanted to flirt with him. How many of them were still around, at the Palm Woods or in the neighborhood? He would have to find out. Then he'd have to rank them for current hotness levels, and figure out his plan of attack.

 _Look out, hot guys of Hollywood_ , James thought, smoothing his shirt down for no real reason. _James Diamond is on the prowl._

He was just about to start daydreaming when there was a soft knock at the door. "Yeah?" he called out, knowing it had to be Mrs. Knight. Kendall wouldn't have knocked on his own door, and if Carlos bothered to knock it wouldn't have sounded like that.

The door opened slowly, just enough for Mrs. Knight to stick her head through. "Everything okay?"

James shrugged, then pointed behind him. "He won't come out," he said, and had to stifle another giggle. "And he's listening to music so he won't even talk to me."

"Can we talk, then?"

"We shouldn't wait for Logan?" James asked, basically trying to stall. He didn't really want to have this conversation. He just wanted to make out with hot chicks and hot dudes and not have to think too hard about it.

"I'll talk to Logan later when he's ready. Are you ready to talk now, James?"

He shrugged again. If he couldn't get out of it then whatever. "I guess."

Mrs. Knight stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, then sat on the edge of Kendall's bed. "So," she started, and it looked to James like he wasn't the only one who didn't really want to have this talk. "You guys made a pact?"

James nodded. "Freshman year. We both thought we might be kinda into guys, so we made a promise that if we still didn't know for sure when we got older we'd kiss each other to find out. Today we decided it was time to know." That was close enough, he figured. The details weren't that important.

"Oh," Mrs. Knight said, and that seemed to make her relax a little. "So it was just the one time? You and Logan aren't…secretly dating?"

James laughed. "No. That was the first time either of us had kissed a guy." He considered his next comment, then figured she was going to find out eventually anyway. "But I know for me it won't be the last time."

"Oh," she said again, eyes going wide. "So that means…you do like boys? Or…do you like Logan?"

The second question caught James off-guard. Why would she think that? "Logan's my friend," he said with a raised eyebrow, because duh. Mrs. Knight should know that. "But yes to the first question. I guess I'm halfway-gay, or no wait…" He knew the word, it just took a second sometimes. "Bisexual," he said, snapping his fingers as he remembered. "That's what I am."

"Oh," she repeated with a slow nod. "Okay, I've read enough parenting magazines to handle this." She took a deep breath.

"Handle what?" James asked, curious.

"Well, making sure you feel accepted and loved and…" she trailed off, looking at James closely. "You're not having any sort of crisis about this, are you?"

He grinned. "Are you kidding? It's awesome. I get to go on twice as many dates now." The grin faded as quickly as it appeared. "Why? _Should_ I be having a crisis?" Maybe he hadn't thought this through very well. Maybe there were downsides he hadn't seen before.

"No, no, of course not," Mrs. Knight assured him, and James felt better. "You _are_ accepted and loved, James. Always." She smiled, and James smiled back.

"Thanks, Mama Knight."

"Anytime, kid," she said, standing up. "But you are planning to tell Kendall and Carlos, right?"

"I hadn't really thought about it," James admitted. "They'll figure it out when I start dating guys."

"That's true, but…" She fixed him with one of those knowing-mother looks. "You should really think about telling them before that. In fact, after I talk to Logan you should probably all have a band meeting about it. Right or wrong, this could affect BTR."

Oh right. There was the downside. James could feel himself start to panic, and he jumped up from his spot on the floor. "Wait a minute, you don't think—"

"I don't know," she said, cutting him off with raised hands. "I'm not a public relations expert. Or a teenage girl. And I certainly don't mean you should ever hide who you are for the sake of your career, James. The guys will probably tell you the same thing. I just mean you might all want to be on the same page about this, because I know how important the band is to all of you. Now come here, I think you need a hug."

James was feeling suddenly far less secure about his newfound date-anyone-who's-hot policy, and a hug did in fact sound nice. He walked over and leaned against Mrs. Knight, letting himself be comforted.

"It'll be fine, James," she said, patting his back. "You guys can get through anything together, you've proven that more times than anyone could count."

"Logan could," James said, absent-minded.

Mrs. Knight chuckled. "Speaking of Logan, have you tried calling his phone?"

James pulled away from the hug as his eyes went wide. "That's a great idea! Do you think he'll answer?"

"I don't know, but it's worth a try."

"Yeah." He pulled out his phone, and Mrs. Knight took a step towards the door.

"Let him know I'm waiting to talk to him, okay? Whenever he's ready."

"Will do," he told her with a smile, and then she was out of the room. He pressed the button to call Logan as soon as the door closed, and got excited when he heard Logan's phone ring from inside the closet.

Unfortunately Logan didn't answer, but now that James knew he had his phone with him he could at least text. He thought for a second what he wanted to say before he started typing.

_'Hey im waiting out here 2 talk 2 u. Just want 2 know ur ok?'_

He sat down on the floor again, facing the door this time, waiting to see if Logan would respond. James set his phone in front of him and stared at it for what felt like forever, and then finally it beeped. He grabbed it and pushed the button eagerly, then scanned the text.

_'Fine. I think. Just needed some time to figure stuff out. I told you I would.'_

Now that he mentioned it, James vaguely remembered Logan saying something like that before their kiss. That was why he wanted to be in the bedroom, right? So no one would interrupt them and Logan would have time to think?

 _'Sorry we got caught'_ , James sent back. _For more than one reason_ , he added to himself.

The response was quicker this time. _'Not your fault. I should have been paying attention.'_

James smiled, because Logan admitting he wasn't paying attention was the same as admitting he was too into the kiss to do so. He decided not to mention that, though.

_'I told mama k about the pact. Not everything. Some. She wants 2 talk 2 u when ur ready. So do i'_

James rolled his eyes at Logan's reply. _'We are talking.'_

 _'U know what i mean'_ , he sent back quickly.

When a couple minutes went by without his phone beeping again James sighed and sent another text.

_'Ill wait in the living room 4 u. Let u know when c n k get home, tell them whatever u want me 2'_

Another minute, and James had just stood up to leave when he got a reply.

_'Thanks, J.'_

James smiled at his phone, then his fingers were moving again before he could stop them.

_'Ps ur a really good kisser l'_

He waited until he heard the chime from Logan's phone, then was rewarded with a short, surprised laugh. James grinned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James & Logan can't take the secrecy, Kendall has to know everything about everyone all the time, and Carlos just wants to make sure everyone still loves him best. (They totally do Carlos, don't worry ♥)

The irony of locking himself in his bedroom closet was not lost on Logan. It might have been funny except that it really wasn't funny at all; he was having to face something he'd been putting off for years, something he thought he could put off for a few more months, and instead of actually facing it he was…well, in a closet.

James probably thought it was funny.

 _Damn him_ , Logan thought, ignoring the faint sounds of knocking and his own name through the door. This was all James's fault. Right?

Logan wanted to blame him, but really there wasn't anything to blame him _for_. Logan had agreed to the pact in the first place, Logan had agreed to the kiss that day, and…Logan had not hated the kiss. None of which was actually James's fault.

And James wasn't even the issue here, Logan knew. Not the most important one anyway. The issue was the fact that _Logan didn't hate the kiss_. It was more like the exact opposite, and what the hell did that mean? And if it meant what Logan thought it meant then what did _that_ mean? What happened now?

James texted to make sure Logan was okay and Logan smiled in spite of himself. Their text conversation left him feeling a little better but still he stayed in the closet, thinking, for a good 20 minutes after James said he was leaving the room. Once Logan realized he was just following his own logic around in circles and not getting anywhere he figured it was time to talk to Mrs. Knight. She might offer a different perspective on things.

Talking to her did help, though not in the way Logan had expected. After he called her on his cell and asked her to meet him in his room—because he did _not_ want to talk to James face-to-face, at all—she mainly just wanted to make sure he was okay and that he knew he had her support. But she wouldn't make any decisions for him. (She did, however, want to know if he 'liked' James. Logan had nearly jumped at the question, because he had refused to follow that potential logic train on his own and he didn't know how she had thought of it herself. Then he remembered that she had sort of walked in on him and James making out and that normally you wouldn't make out with someone _unless_ you liked them. But Logan assured her that no, he and James were just friends, and that seemed to placate her.)

The part of the conversation that actually did help Logan reach a definite decision was what Mrs. Knight said at the end. She told him what she and James had talked about—that if Logan decided he wanted to be romantically involved with guys, it wasn't just his own life that would be affected. The whole band would be.

Logan had known that, but it took hearing it said to make it stick. Two members of Big Time Rush couldn't come out at the same time; it was too much for their fans to handle at once. There was no way James was planning on keeping anything a secret, but that was okay. James being bisexual (because Logan was pretty sure there was also no way he was done with girls forever) might actually give them a bigger fanbase, but if Logan came out too then people would just start assuming they were together, and fans might think they'd been keeping some big secret from them, and it would just get messy.

So that settled that. Even if making out with James had been possibly the most arousing thing Logan had ever experienced, there would be no more kissing boys as long as he was still a member of Big Time Rush.

——————

Even with his decision made Logan still didn't really want to talk to James about it. Or the kiss. Because James would brag about it, he was physically incapable of _not_ bragging about something like that. And Logan did not want to be reminded of his own eager participation in said kiss, because this was _James_. Occasionally insufferable, stupidly tall, ridiculously good-looking James, and Logan had always entertained the idea that James really wasn't a good kisser at all—maybe his teeth got in the way, or maybe he used too much tongue, or maybe he had excessive spit or… _something_ —but now that hope had been shot all to hell because as it turned out James Diamond was in fact a damn good kisser.

He was also one of Logan's best friends. And that was sort of part of the problem, and led to that train of thought he had been avoiding while locked in his closet. Because Logan already liked James. Logan already loved James. There had never been anything weird about that before, because Logan felt the same way about Kendall and Carlos, too.

But now Logan had kissed James. Like, _really_ kissed him. So now those friendly feelings of like and love were all wrapped up with _other_ feelings: the soft touch of James's fingers on Logan's ear, the taste of James's tongue in Logan's mouth, the pressure of James's fingers on Logan's side…

And Logan didn't like it. It actually kind of pissed him off a little, that James had never stopped to think that maybe kissing was a bad idea because Logan wouldn't be able to shake the memory. And of course James probably wasn't having the same problem at all; he was already thinking about all the other guys he could make out with now, Logan was sure.

At any rate, until Logan had managed to reconcile all his feelings for and about James, avoidance seemed like the best option. At first it was easy; James kept his word and waited in the living room for Logan, texting him when Kendall and Carlos finally got home. Logan just stayed in his room, working on homework until dinnertime. But not looking at James during dinner proved more difficult, especially since Logan could tell that James kept trying to make eye contact. After dinner Logan stayed close to Kendall or Carlos, making sure he and James were never alone together.

All in all Logan thought he did a pretty decent job, especially since Kendall never mentioned anything about him acting weird. But the next day didn't go so well, because awkward tensions are always much more noticeable in a tiny sound booth. They were managing to sing okay, but Logan had to deny several times that something was wrong, while James just kept getting more and more pouty. When they were finally released from the studio Kendall announced he was going to the ice rink and asked who wanted to come with him.

Nobody answered at first. Logan knew if he went, Kendall would probably ask him what the weirdness had been about and Logan didn't trust himself not to spill everything. It wouldn't really be fair to tell Kendall what had happened when he couldn't even bring himself to talk to James about it yet.

So when Kendall looked at him and asked specifically if he wanted to go, Logan avoided eye contact and mumbled something about homework. They didn't even have homework that day, but he was pretty sure no one else actually realized that.

It worked; Kendall turned instead to James. Although this time he didn't bother asking, he just grabbed James and announced they would be back sometime that evening.

If Logan hadn't been so distracted, he would have realized how suspicious it was that Carlos hadn't volunteered to go with Kendall right away. As it was, he and Carlos ended up back at 2J with the place to themselves.

——————

"Wanna play a video game?" Carlos asked almost as soon as they walked in the door.

"Sure," Logan said with a shrug. Apparently Carlos had forgotten about Logan's made-up homework. Which was good, because if he'd remembered Logan would have been stuck in his room pretending to do homework.

"What game?"

"Something simple. It's been a long day," Logan answered as he settled on the couch. Carlos tossed him a controller before sitting down as well.

"This okay?"

Logan looked at the TV and saw that Carlos had picked a racing game. That would work. "Perfect," he said with a smile at his friend.

And it was, for a while. Carlos played on Kendall's save file because he had more options unlocked, and spent a good 10 minutes just customizing his car. Logan used his own file, which didn't have as much to choose from but did have everything set up just the way he wanted it. Once they started racing Logan was able to lose himself in the mindless repetition and good-natured trash-talking.

He didn't know what changed. Carlos didn't say anything at all about Logan or James's strange behavior, but after a while Logan could feel a pressure building up inside of him. Maybe it was _because_ Carlos didn't say anything. Carlos just wanted to play video games with his friend. And Logan should just keep playing video games with him and pretend nothing was wrong at all.

Except. This secret Logan was keeping was sort of huge, and the need to talk about it was starting to tear away at him. He shouldn't have been avoiding James, they should have had their talk; or maybe Logan should have gone with Kendall, Kendall would know what to do, but it was too late now and—

"I kissed James," Logan heard himself blurt out without any sort of warning.

There was no response for a second. Logan could hear his own heart pounding in his ears.

Then Carlos said "What?" slowly, carefully, like he was afraid he'd misheard something important and wanted to double-check.

"Yesterday," Logan went on, unable to stop now. "James and I. We…we kissed." And then Carlos's car crashed and burned on the screen.

 

* * * * * *

 

"What do you mean, you and Logan kissed?"

Kendall was staring at James like that hadn't been a perfectly understandable statement. They were taking a break on the ice, still in their hockey gear, helmets and all. Since James wasn't really sure how this conversation was going to go he figured it was for the best his face was protected.

He hadn't really _meant_ to tell Kendall about it. But Logan was avoiding him, which James thought was completely ridiculous, and here he was alone with Kendall and…well. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Except that Kendall seemed to be having trouble with this explanation of his friends' behavior.

And people thought James was dumb.

"Well you see Kendall," he said in his best talking-to-idiots voice and using hand gestures for emphasis, "we were standing there in my room, like how you and I are standing here now, except without the hockey gear. And then I stepped up close to Logan and our faces moved together and—"

"I know what a kiss is, James!" Kendall said, the movement of his eyebrows not quite as impressive under the helmet. "And I really don't need details. Just— _why_ did you and Logan kiss?"

 

* * * * * *

 

"James and I are not dating, Carlos," Logan said with a sigh. He had paused the game to avoid any more crashes, then set the controller aside as Carlos asked the question.

"Good," Carlos said, and while the confusion hadn't left his face at least he didn't appear so crestfallen anymore. "Because that would be weird. And James said you weren't going to."

Logan blinked. "Wait, are you talking about freshman year? You remember that?"

"Yeah," Carlos said with a nod. "The day that bully was picking on you. When we talked about how you didn't like girls and James might like guys."

"…Right," Logan said, surprised that Carlos remembered and embarrassed at the reminder of that conversation. "Well, okay, so after I left that day James followed me."

Carlos nodded again. "Right, Kendall thought you were upset so James went to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah. Except that wasn't the only thing, um…he had a plan. About…" Logan took a deep breath. No turning back now. "About how we could both figure out whether we actually liked guys or not. We made a pact."

 

* * * * * *

 

"A pact?" Kendall asked, and again he seemed to be having difficulties with the simplest of concepts. James had always thought Kendall was pretty smart, but this conversation was giving him doubts. "What the hell kind of pact involves making out with one of your best friends?"

"The good kind," James shot back, insulted. Then he realized that probably wasn't the most intelligent reply. "I mean, the kind that…well it worked, okay?"

"Yeah, it worked in making Logan avoid you and you two acting all weird today. Dude, how could you think this was a good idea? How could _Logan_ think it was?"

"Because it was," James insisted, and he wanted to get back to playing so he could legitimately knock Kendall down. "And if Logan would just talk to me about it things would go back to normal and everyone would be fine."

"Normal? You've completely changed what's 'normal,' James. This isn't just about you, you know that right? It's not even just about you and Logan. It's—"

"About the band, I know," James cut in. "Your mom said we should all talk about it."

"My _mom_ knows?"

"She…kind of walked in on us."

"Of course she did," Kendall said, turning to bang his head against the wall. James watched him, eyebrows scrunched, until he got it out of his system. "Just…tell me you guys were still fully clothed?"

"What? Dude, we made out, we didn't sleep together." James felt like he should have added an 'ew' after that, like maybe Kendall would have expected it, but he couldn't bring himself to. Logan wasn't 'ew' anymore.

And he wasn't about to tell Kendall that if Mrs. Knight had been a few minutes later they might _not_ have been fully clothed anymore.

"I didn't say you did, there's a whole spectrum of things—whatever," Kendall said, shaking his head. "Anyway, yeah, this affects the band, but it's not even just about that. It's about _us_ , the four of us, and if you and Logan start, like, dating or whatever it's going to—"

"We're not going to start dating," James interrupted him again. "It was just a pact. It's over now." Seriously, why did everyone assume they would date just because both of them were into guys? Not that Logan wasn't hot, or anything, but…they were _friends_.

"Okay, but—" Kendall paused and closed his eyes for a second. "You know what? Let's just play hockey. We'll talk about this when we get back home."

James thought it was probably the smartest thing Kendall had said since they got there.

 

* * * * * *

 

"Aww, you guys made a pact on your own?" Carlos was looking a little pouty now, and Logan tried not to be incredulous.

"I don't think this is a pact you would have wanted in on, Carlos," he said, raising an eyebrow. "The pact was that if either one of us hadn't figured things out by graduation, we would…kiss each other. And then yesterday James decided he didn't want to wait anymore, so…" Logan shrugged, blushing.

"Oh. Well…I guess I get it then, but…you kept it a secret all this time?"

"Not _intentionally_ ," Logan tried to explain. Carlos still looked like he felt left out, and it made Logan feel weirdly guilty. "It was just…too embarrassing to talk about."

"Why?" Carlos asked, confused again. "It was a good plan. That's what friends are for, right? To help you figure things out when you can't do it on your own?"

Logan sighed again. "It just was, Carlos. It still is. I mean, I wouldn't even be telling you now except…I don't know. Things are weird now."

"With you and James? You were both out of it today. Oh, and that explains last night too, I guess…"

"Last night?" Now it was Logan's turn to be confused. He really thought he'd been acting perfectly normal the night before.

"Yeah, you were acting like you were mad at James or something. Wouldn't talk to him or look at him or anything. I figured he just did something you didn't like," Carlos explained with a shrug.

"Oh."

"So uh, is James a good kisser?"

The question caught Logan completely off guard and he could feel his face turn red again. He looked at Carlos for a second, trying to figure out why he would even ask something like that, but all he saw was open curiosity.

 _How is Carlos so much less freaked out by all this than I am?_ Logan thought to himself.

But he tried to relax, and rolled his eyes. "He's James. What do you think?"

Carlos laughed at that, and relaxing got a little easier. "Well, yeah, he talks big, but you know I always secretly thought maybe he wasn't any good at all. And that's why he never dates the same girl for very long, you know?" Carlos had leaned in and lowered his voice almost conspiratorially during that last part.

Now it was Logan's turn to laugh. "I used to think the same thing!"

"Really?" Carlos asked with a bright smile.

"Yeah," Logan said, and he knew now that talking to Carlos had been exactly what he needed. "I mean, he can't have _everything_ , right? He's got the looks and the smooth-talking and the swagger and all that. Being a crappy kisser would balance it out at least a little."

"Exactly," Carlos agreed, nodding exuberantly. "So?"

Logan let his face fall. "Yeah no, he's actually a really good kisser. No luck there." _Damn him_ , Logan added to himself.

"Oh," Carlos said, sounding a little disappointed but not at all surprised. Then his expression turned thoughtful. "Well, maybe he's bad in bed."

Logan barked out an involuntary laugh, then stared wide-eyed at his friend.

"Wait, don't tell me…" Carlos said slowly, looking back at Logan. "You guys didn't…?"

"No!" Logan nearly shouted, hands moving wildly to thoroughly refute that theory. "God, no! I was just surprised that you would say something like that."

"Oh," Carlos said again, and laughed.

They were on the verge of an awkward silence now, Logan could tell. He grabbed his controller again and hovered his thumb over the pause button. "Ready go to again?" he asked, eyebrow raised competitively.

"You mean are you ready to _lose_ again," Carlos shot back immediately, focusing his attention on the TV screen.

"Bring it, Carlitos," Logan taunted before unpausing the game.

They played a few more rounds and Logan was relaxed again, probably more than he had been since before this whole mess began. This was fine, he could do this…at least until James got back. Then Logan wasn't sure what he was going to do.

Apparently Carlos was wondering the same thing, because halfway through a race he asked, "So you and James are gonna be okay, right?"

"What do you mean?" Logan was stalling for time.

"Well, you said 'things are weird now'. They won't stay weird though, right? I mean, you had the pact, and so you kissed, but you're still best friends and all, right?"

"Of course we are," Logan said immediately, wanting to put any fears Carlos had to rest. It would take more than an uncomfortably-comfortable make-out session to change that. "I'm not mad at him or anything. He just…wants to talk about things and I don't."

"Why not? You're talking about it with me."

"That's different."

"How?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Because, Carlos, I didn't make out with you."

"Oh." Carlos was quiet for a moment, but that didn't last. "I still don't get it."

"Because, we kissed, and I liked it, and now I can't even think about James without remembering it, and—" His car was going crooked and Logan tried to correct it, but too late, it was careening off a cliff. "Damn it!" He dropped his controller on the seat next to him.

"So you did like the kiss?" Carlos asked, not looking at Logan. He was still racing, though Logan had no interest in participating anymore.

"Yeah, Carlos, I did," Logan answered, sounding as defeated as he felt. He sank back against the couch cushion.

"Then the pact worked."

Logan sighed. "I guess."

Carlos chuckled a little, and Logan shot him a look that he didn't even see. "Well, dude, if you kissed him and you liked it then that means you are into guys, right? Unless you're just into James," he added, laughing outright.

Logan didn't say anything, but he could feel the heat rising in his face. Why did this subject keep coming up when Logan was trying so hard to pretend it didn't exist in the first place?

"…Logan?" Carlos said after a few silent moments passed, glancing over. "You're…you're _not_ into James, right?"

"You're about to crash again," Logan told him, nodding at the screen. Carlos focused back on the game as Logan tried to figure out how to word this. "And I'm not. At least…I mean, I don't _think_ I am. Because how ridiculous would that be? But how am I supposed to know? Yesterday we were friends. Today we're friends who made out, and it's…it's so embarrassing, Carlos, I can't even _tell_ you how embarrassing it is. Because you weren't there, but man, that kiss…" Logan leaned forward again and covered his face with his hands. "And how am I supposed to know? How do I tell if it was because James is a guy, or just because he's _James_? I didn't have any weird feelings for him a day ago, so why the hell can't I tell anymore? And how am I ever supposed to look him in the eye again?"

When Logan finally looked up Carlos seemed to be deep in thought. Which was never a good sign.

"I got it!" he shouted, and Logan wondered if that was his cue to leave as fast as he could. But Carlos was grinning at him, and Logan knew it was already too late. "You just need to make out with some more dudes," Carlos said, shoving Logan lightly on the shoulder.

"…What?"

"That's the only way to really tell for sure, duh Logan." Carlos turned in his seat to face Logan, looking rather pleased with himself. "If you want to find out whether you like kissing guys who aren't James, then you have to _kiss guys who aren't James_."

Logan narrowed his eyes in thought. That actually made a disturbing amount of sense. "You mean…I need a larger sample size."

"Uh…sure? But anyway, I can help you with that. I know tons of guys."

The words along with the expression on Carlos's face made Logan have to hold back a laugh, because he could tell how genuinely he meant it. Logan smiled at his friend. "Thanks for the offer, Carlos, but I think I'm gonna have to pass," he said, amusement in his tone.

"No, really," Carlos insisted. "I know some _cool guys_. I can totally set you up."

Logan smiled again, then stood up. He decided not to ask if Carlos actually knew whether any of these guys were even gay. "I don't doubt it, buddy. But it doesn't matter, because I already decided I'm not going to be kissing any more guys for a while. Do you want anything to drink?" he asked before heading towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, just…bring me whatever." The exuberance had left Carlos's voice, and Logan watched him through the refrigerator door as he got their drinks. He looked like he was thinking again, and whatever he was thinking wasn't happy.

"Look, if I change my mind," Logan said on his way back to the couch, "I'll definitely take you up on that offer. Okay?" He handed Carlos his drink and sat back in his spot on the couch.

"Okay."

That hadn't seemed to help much. Logan watched Carlos play with the lid on the bottle, and tried to figure out how to make this better. "Want me to text Kendall and see if they're done playing hockey yet?"

Carlos shook his head. "Nah, if they're still playing then James probably hasn't told him what's wrong—oops."

"Wait…wait, do you mean…" Logan jumped up from the couch and pointed a finger at Carlos, who was cowering behind his bottle. "Kendall dragged James off to the rink so he could press him for information? And what, that left me with you? This whole playing video games and getting me to talk about my feelings was a Kendall plan?"

"Sort of?" Carlos offered, peeking out from around his drink. "Kendall didn't think you two would talk if you were together. And I tried asking James what was wrong last night, he wouldn't tell me. So…" Carlos shrugged. "But I didn't make you tell me anything! You said it all on your own!"

He had a point. Logan sighed. "Whatever, it's fine. You were both going to find out soon enough anyway; Mama Knight said we all needed to talk."

Carlos cocked his head at Logan. "How does she know anything about this?"

Yep, Logan was blushing again. "She was putting away laundry and, uh, walked in on us?"

It started with a snicker, but then Carlos was full-out laughing, falling over on the couch and rolling back and forth a bit.

"It's not funny, Carlos!" Logan shouted indignantly.

"No, it's hilarious," he managed between cackles.

"Dude, I will hurt you with this pillow if you don't stop that right now," Logan threatened, grabbing one of the thicker throw pillows from the couch.

"Ooh, Logan's gonna hit me with a pillow, I'm so scared," Carlos teased.

Logan threw the pillow at him and plopped back down on the couch with a huff.

"So," Carlos said, still laying on the couch, "does that mean when the other guys get back we're having a band meeting?"

"I guess," Logan said with a shrug. He was sure Kendall would have a lot to say about all this.

"Do you want to talk to James first?"

"No," Logan answered, shaking his head slightly. He really didn't.

"I think you should anyway."

Logan glanced over at Carlos, eyebrows raised. Carlos was looking up at him, his expression about as serious as Carlos could get. Logan never liked that look.

"If he wants to talk," Carlos said a little slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully, "then you should talk. That's what best friends do. And maybe it'll help you figure out how you feel, y'know? Although I still think kissing other guys is the best way to do that."

Something in his friend's tone caught Logan's attention. "Carlos…" he began, wondering why it was only occurring to him to ask this now, "why is it such a big deal to you how I feel about James? Are you still afraid we're going to start dating? And…why would that even be a problem?" It _would_ be a problem, Logan knew, but he didn't know if Carlos thought so for the same reasons.

"Because it would be weird," Carlos said, looking up at the ceiling.

"That's not an answer, dude." Logan smiled as he said it, trying to sound encouraging.

"I…I don't know, I guess…it's nothing, it's…stupid." Carlos still had the pillow, and he threw it up in the air before catching it again.

"I'm sure it's not stupid, Carlos," Logan said gently. "Come on, look at all the stuff I've been telling you. You can tell me this."

Carlos hugged the pillow to his chest and sat up, but he still wouldn't look exactly at Logan. "It _is_ stupid, because it's really nothing, it's just…you and James already hang out a lot."

Now Logan was confused. "We all hang out a lot, I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"I mean…" Carlos paused, and he had his thinking face on so Logan left him alone for a minute. Then his expression brightened, and he continued. "Okay, this is going to sound really weird, because I've never even had a big brother and James is younger than me, but you know in movies and TV and stuff how the cool big brother is the one who'll hang out and play games with you, and you do all the stupid fun stuff together, and sometimes you get into fights but they never mean anything and you never really want to hurt each other?"

Carlos was clearly expecting a response so Logan nodded, although he had no idea where this was going.

"Okay, but then sometimes, the cool big brother likes to hang out with his cool big brother friends, and even though you know your big brother loves you, and his friends are super-awesome, you still know he'll never really think of you the same way he thinks of them, because doing stupid fun stuff together and sharing a room and giving up the last piece of pie sometimes makes you an awesome little brother, but it doesn't make you one of the cool big brother friends."

And now Logan was feeling a little heartbroken, because that didn't make any sense at all but at the same time it totally did, and how long had Carlos been feeling this way?

"Dude, are you going to cry?"

"No!" Logan said, blinking and wiping at his eyes to make sure. "But Carlos, I had no idea, I—"

"Don't apologize," Carlos interrupted. He was smiling. "That probably was a bad way of explaining it. I still see both of you all the time, but…I don't know, I guess it's just when you and James are hanging out sometimes it seems like…like it's just _you and James_ , and the rest of us not-as-cool-kids can't even touch you."

"Carlos you are totally cooler than me," Logan blurted out without thinking. He was about to recant or modify the statement or something but Carlos's grin stopped him.

"And anyway," Carlos went on, "it's better now that Jo's gone and Kendall's around more." His eyes went wide. "That was a really terrible thing to say, wasn't it?"

Logan laughed. "Maybe, but it's true. I didn't even realize how much I'd missed him till he was back. I mean, not that he ever really _went_ anywhere, but…" Logan shrugged. "And you said not to apologize but I'm sorry if I've been hogging James. I totally didn't realize it."

"Well he's been hogging you too, so there's nothing to be sorry for," Carlos said with another smile. "And so yeah, I mean…if you two started dating it'd be weird in a lot of ways, but I guess mainly…"

"You're afraid you'd be lonely," Logan finished for him.

"I told you it was stupid," Carlos said, and it looked to Logan like he might be blushing a little.

"It's not," Logan told him. "It's actually a completely legitimate worry. Except there's nothing to worry about, because James and I are not gonna start dating."

"Are you sure? You don't even know whether you like him. And you won't kiss other guys to find out. Why won't you?"

Carlos was starting to pout a little again and Logan sighed. "I'll get into that when everyone's here, I don't want to have to repeat it over and over. And I told you, I'm pretty sure I _don't_ like James. It's just that this whole thing is still really new and it's going to take me a while to…normalize our friendship again, I guess. But you have _nothing_ to worry about, Carlos. And anyway, this is James we're talking about. He's probably already got a list of all the guys he wants to ask out now."

That got a chuckle out of Carlos, and Logan felt a little better. "Come on, let's get out of here," he said before hopping off the couch.

"I thought we were having a band meeting?" Carlos asked, but he got up as well.

"If Kendall and James get back and we're not here they can just call us. I don't feel like sitting around waiting for them. Did you want to save your game?" Logan asked, gesturing at the screen.

"What? Oh, no, I'm not supposed to save on Kendall's file."

"Okay." Logan hadn't done anything worth saving on his own file, so he turned the system off. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care. Somewhere fun. The pool?"

They were headed towards the door when it opened in front of them. Kendall stepped in, followed by James, and one look at their faces told Logan James had indeed spilled it all. For a second all four boys just stared at each other. Then—

"You told Kendall!" Logan accused, looking at James but pointing a finger at Kendall.

"You told Carlos!" James said at the same time, mirroring Logan's pose.

"You didn't say I couldn't!" they both yelled, now pointing at each other.

"Well, now that we're all on the same page," Kendall said, and Logan glared at him as he closed the apartment door, "I guess it's time to talk about this."

"What's there to talk about?" Logan said, annoyed. There was plenty to talk about, but that didn't mean he'd do it willingly. "James is going to start dating boys, I'm not. There, we talked."

"Wait, what?" James said, and Logan didn't even have time to glance at him before James was grabbing his arm, right above the elbow.

"James, what are you—"

"We need a moment," James said before herding Logan down the hallway and into his and Kendall's bedroom.

Logan was pushed—a little roughly, if you asked him—into his room and turned around to see James closing the door. "What the hell, James—"

"What do you mean you're not going to date guys?" James stalked towards Logan and Logan had to take a couple steps back to keep from being loomed over. Plus he just wasn't sure he wanted to be that close to James yet.

"Exactly what I said."

"Okay, that's a really bad explanation," James said, arms crossed in front of him. Then he uncrossed them again to gesture as he continued. "You can't even try telling me you don't want to. I was _there_ for that kiss, Logan, remember? And I know I'm an amazing kisser and all, but unless you were doing a really good job of pretending I was a girl through that whole thing—"

"No," Logan said. There really was no point in even trying to go that route. Besides not wanting to lie to any of his best friends about this discovery about his sexuality, Logan had very clearly said James's name while they were making out. So there was no way to hide that he was completely aware he was in fact kissing a boy.

"Good, because then I'd be a little insulted."

Logan rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"So what is it then?" James went on. "Did I set the bar too high? You don't want to be disappointed by anyone else? That's it, isn't it? I get it. James Diamond is a tough act to fol—"

"Cut it out!" Logan said, louder than he meant to. He walked over to his bed and sat down. "I'm not going to date guys because both of us can't."

"Why not?" James asked, following Logan to sit next to him.

Logan tried really hard to resist the urge to scoot away but he couldn't. James was sweaty from playing hockey, but the scent of manspray still lingered on him. Logan was smart; he knew smell was linked to memory, and he couldn't risk the most recent memory associated with the smell that was uniquely _James_.

"Because," Logan said after moving a safer distance away, "it would be bad for the band."

"No it wouldn't."

"Yes it would. And if we were actually having our band meeting, like we were doing before you manhandled me in here, Kendall would agree with me."

"Well I don't care," James said, and Logan looked over at him in surprise. "It's stupid for you to have to hide this."

Logan actually smiled. James didn't really realize what he was saying, but it was nice of him to say it. He was reminded of the day before when James said he'd been sacrificing opportunities to kiss other guys because he was waiting to complete their pact. That really had been sweet…and kind of adorable.

It was also a really good excuse for Logan to use now.

"I don't _have_ to, I choose to," Logan said, forming a plan as he spoke. "I don't date much anyway, it's not like I'm going to be missing out on anything. And this isn't something I'm willing to risk the band on. For now I'm just…okay with my life staying the way it has been."

"Well, if…" James stopped, and he looked confused and unhappy and determined all at once. "If you're not going to start dating guys then I'm not either."

"No, don't do that," Logan said, taken aback. "You were so excited about all this. I never have been. It makes sense for you to be the one to come out first. And besides, you were sacrificing for me, right? Because you misremembered the pact?"

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me how stupid I was," James muttered.

"That's not what I mean. I mean, now it's my turn. Let me sacrifice for you. At least for a little while. We can take this whole thing one step at a time. You're just the one making the first step."

"Second," James corrected. "The first step was the pact, and we did that together."

"Right," Logan conceded. "So…we're agreed, then?"

James sat quietly for a moment, staring at the floor. "I don't like it," he said, and Logan waited since he could tell there was more. "But if…if this is really what you want…"

"It is, James," Logan said, nodding. "It's what I want, and it's what's best for all of us. Trust me."

"Fine," James finally said. Then he looked at Logan, directly at him, and Logan felt his heart start to speed up. "So why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't."

James gave him a 'dude, please' look and Logan stood up from the bed.

"See, you're doing it again! Did I do something wrong? You said you were okay with kissing me, and I mean, that was a really good kiss and—that's it isn't it!"

Logan heard James jump up and he didn't at all like where this was going.

"You're avoiding me because you're afraid you can't resist me now," James said, voice low in an apparent attempt to be sexy and alluring, but he sounded a little too giddy to pull it off.

"That's ridiculous," Logan said, and it was. Logan wasn't concerned he couldn't resist James.

He was more concerned with whether he would actually want to.

"It's totally not. You can't stop thinking about it, can you? About kissing me."

"Just shut up, James." Logan was starting to get annoyed now. "It's already embarrassing enough, you don't have to rub it in."

"I'm not trying to embarrass you, I—"

"Yes you are!" Logan turned to face James, cheeks hot. "Look, I know it was just a pact, and just a kiss, and just an _experiment_ , and you're over it, but it's confused the hell out of me and so until I figure all this out—"

"You think I'm over it?"

The look on James's face was odd. Logan shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Yes, of course I do, because you _are_ , you've already got the next five guys you want to make out with lined up in your head, don't try to tell me you don't."

"Okay, that is true, but—" James stepped closer to Logan, so quickly Logan didn't have time to back away before he was caught up in it, in the closeness and the smell and the _memory_ — "You think that means I'm _over_ it? I told you Logan, you're a really good kisser. You really think I wouldn't kiss you again in a heartbeat if you'd let me?"

Logan swallowed, trying to fight his memory and the heat radiating from James but he was having some difficulties. If he looked at James's face, at his eyes or his mouth there would be no fighting it at all so Logan kept his gaze squarely on James's shoulder.

"But see? You won't let me," James said, and when he took a step back Logan felt like he could breathe again. "I guess that's because you're the smart one. I mean, I already told Kendall we weren't going to start dating."

"And I told Carlos," Logan said, finding his voice at last. That reminded him of something, and he felt like it was something he needed to tell. He sat down on his bed again before saying, "I also found out why he's so against the idea."

"Because he would feel left out."

Logan's eyebrows shot up. "How did _you_ know that?"

James looked at him like that was a stupid question. "Because he's Carlos. I knew that the first time he asked us about it, back when we made the pact."

"Oh." Well, Logan felt dumb now. "Did you know he already does, though? Feel left out?"

"What? What makes you say that?"

"He told me. Well, in a really weird, round-about way, but…yeah. Apparently he feels like you and I are in some kind of cool kids' club and he's not a member."

James scoffed. "That's ridiculous, Carlos is totally cooler than you."

"That's what I—hey!" Logan said, realizing mid-sentence what he was agreeing with.

A grin flashed across James's face. "But seriously, he does? I don't get it, we're with Carlos all the time."

"Are we?"

"Yeah, I mean, me and him share a room so we're together every night. And we're with him at breakfast and at school and at the studio and during interviews and stuff…"

"None of that really counts, James. I didn't realize it until he pointed it out, but you and I do hang out a lot, without Carlos or Kendall." And that was true. Logan had known for a long time that things were a little different with James, but he had had no idea they were spending a noticeably large amount of time together. Like James, he had thought all four of them were together pretty much all the time.

"Well, Kendall was always busy with Jo and all."

"Yeah, but what about Carlos?"

James looked at him for a second, and then his face fell. "We're terrible people, aren't we?"

"We might be. I'm worse, if that makes you feel any better. You're the cool big brother, I'm the friend who steals you away."

"…What?" James asked, clearly lost.

"Nothing," Logan said, shaking his head. "The important thing is that we know now, so we can fix it."

"Right," James said with a nod. "Wait…does that mean I don't get to hang out with you as much?"

Logan considered that, his face scrunched up in thought. "I don't know. But that's probably for the best right now anyway. I think we need to keep a 5-foot distance until we're well past this whole making-out thing."

James blinked. "You want to take out a restraining order on me?"

"Yes James," Logan said dryly. "I'm going to get a court order keeping you away from me. I _would_ just write up a contract for you to sign, but we know how well that works."

James hardly missed a beat. "Hey you _let_ me wear those shoes!"

"Whatever." Logan waved his hand, dismissing the whole subject. "Are we like, done here now? They're going to start thinking we're making out again."

"They probably already started thinking that."

"God, they're going to be thinking that forever now, aren't they? Any time we're alone together."

"Yep, probably."

"Awesome."

Logan stood up and started walking towards the door, then suddenly he felt James right behind him. "Hey Logan," James said, leaning down _way_ too close to Logan's ear, "I've told you twice now what a good kisser you are, but you haven't said anything to me."

It took every ounce of willpower Logan had not to shiver at the hot breath passing across his left ear. "You're right, I haven't. Five-foot distance, James," he said, then stepped quickly away and opened his bedroom door.

When he did, Kendall and Carlos spilled into the room, falling on top of each other on the floor.

"Well I guess we already had the band meeting," James said brightly. "Come on Carlos, let's hit the pool."

"Awesome!" Carlos said, disentangling himself from Kendall and hopping up to follow James to their room. "I can tell you about all the guys I know. I was going to help set Logan up, but he said he wasn't interested."

"More for me then. Okay, cool, so you're my wingman. This town won't know what hit it."

Their conversation faded, and Logan looked down at Kendall, still on the floor. He shrugged. "At least you don't have to repeat everything?"

"You're unbelievable," Logan said, reaching down to help Kendall up.

"And you're a liar," Kendall responded, brushing himself off before closing the door again.

"Come again?" Logan raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"You both are. Neither one of you is really okay with this."

"I don't believe we said we were."

"No, _you_ did," Kendall corrected, and Logan didn't feel like reviewing what he could remember of the conversation line by line to try to prove him wrong. "But that's not the point, the point is that you're both doing a better job of fooling each other than you should be, which leads me to believe that you're both too busy trying to fool yourselves to realize it."

"Okay, Kendall, I am _not_ in the mood for a lecture right now so if you want to speak like a _normal_ person—"

"You're not sacrificing anything for him." That shut Logan up. "Or for the band, which is I'm sure what you're telling yourself. I'm not saying you don't have a point, because you do, and that's what our band meeting was _supposed_ to be about. But the reason that's spawning all these other reasons is that you're terrified. Of what it means for you to find out you're not as straight as you were always hoping, and of what you'd have to deal with if that was made public."

A fight was sparking in Logan, but with just him and Kendall in the room there was nothing to kindle it. One look at those annoyingly knowing green eyes and Logan retreated to his bed with a sigh.

"I never said I wasn't scared."

"No, you managed to avoid the subject entirely. Which made it easier for James to do the same thing."

"What?" What did James have to be scared of?

"See, that's what I meant. You know James as well as I do, maybe better, I should really not have to explain this to you."

Logan stared blankly at Kendall. "James wants this, I don't—"

" _Think_ , Logan. What did James say when you told him he was taking the first step alone?"

"He said…" Logan tilted his head as he tried to remember. "He said he was taking the second step, since we had already taken the first step. Toge—oh my God I'm an idiot."

Kendall shrugged at him, eyebrows agreeing silently.

"Why didn't he say anything!" Logan said, trying to keep his voice down because he didn't know if James and Carlos were still in the apartment. "If he didn't want to go through this alone he should have—damn it, James!"

"He didn't want to try and force you. Or he might not even realize it himself. You were both so preoccupied with making it about the other person that you didn't stop to really examine your own feelings."

"I examined my own feelings plenty, thanks."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Fine, but James didn't. I don't think he found the time between planning his future conquests and worrying about why you were avoiding him."

Logan sighed again and fell back on his bed. "So what am I supposed to do? Change my mind about the whole thing so we can come out at the same time, the rumors can start flying and our fans start hating us?"

"Logan, you do whatever is best for you. Just don't forget that James needs your support more than he lets on."

"I know that," Logan said, irritated that Kendall felt like he needed the reminder.

"I know you know, that's what this whole conversation has been about. Because he knows you're scared too, he just hasn't realized it. Or decided not to bring it up, or—my understanding of James's mind only goes so far." Logan chuckled. "The main thing is we all need to present a united front on this. James needs to know we're behind him 100%, and when it starts getting brought up in interviews we have to know what we're going to say. And when you change your mind, or if you ever start feeling the slightest hint of resentment that James gets to be who he is and you have to hide—"

"I'll tell you guys, don't worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid."

"See, you say that, but I seem to remember you agreeing to a pact that involved _making out with your best friend_."

"Shut up, it was a good idea. Sort of. Okay, it was a terrible idea, but it worked at least."

"Yeah, you found out you really like kissing James."

Logan reached for his pillow, leaned up a little, and lobbed it at Kendall's head. Kendall caught it with a laugh, and Logan dropped back onto his bed.

"You know," Kendall went on, "I am glad you two have both decided you won't start dating. You have enough drama as it is."

"The next thing I throw won't be so light and fluffy, Kendall."

"That's my cue to take a shower, then. Mom said we're on our own for dinner tonight, so after I get out we'll swing by the pool to grab the dorks and find something to eat. We can work out the details of letting the fans know that BTR has a gay—or bi?"

"Bi," Logan said. "I think. We didn't actually talk about that."

"What about you?"

Logan shrugged. "No idea. Carlos suggested I make out with other guys just to make sure I'm not only into James. And if you laugh I will find a textbook to hit you with."

Kendall chuckled, but Logan pretended not to hear it because he didn't feel like finding a textbook. Or risking the damage to the book that could come from throwing it.

"Anyway, we'll figure out the plan of action. And we'll watch James try to hit on guys, it'll be fun."

Logan smiled. He heard the door open, and said "Hey Kendall?"

"Yeah?"

"Why the hell do you have to be so wise and knowing all the damn time?"

There was a barely even a pause before he answered. "That's just how I roll."

The door closed before Logan could find something else to throw.


	4. The Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has a problem, Camille has an answer. Logan has a problem, but he'd really prefer to just ignore it altogether.

Picking up guys turned out to be slightly trickier than James had anticipated. Carlos tried to help, but after a week of utterly failed attempts James was ready to say screw it and go back to girls full-time.

"It doesn't make any sense," he told Logan over smoothies one afternoon by the pool. They were sitting across a table from each other, which made having this sort of conversation difficult but Logan was still insisting on that silly 5-feet-apart thing. "Guys should be _easier_ than girls. Everyone knows we only have one thing on our minds!"

Logan snorted while sipping his drink, then winced and brought a hand up to his nose. "Ow."

"Maybe I should walk around shirtless more often," James mused. "That's easier than talking to people anyway."

"Or you could just stop assuming that every guy who smiles at you actually wants to date you." Logan was raising his eyebrows at James while he took another drink of his smoothie.

Normally James would scoff at that, but it had been a _week_ and he was getting desperate. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Logan said, setting down his cup, "that the percentage of guys you meet who would ever consider going out with you is way smaller than the percentage of girls. So you can't just try hitting on everyone, you have to be a little more discerning."

That sounded like a lot of work. "Oh what do you know," James said, picking up his own smoothie and talking around the straw. "You won't even try hitting on guys."

"James!" Logan hissed, leaning forward. "We're at the freakin' _pool_ , dude! Watch it!"

James rolled his eyes, but he was sorry. A little. He jumped up from his seat and pulled out the chair closest to Logan, sitting and talking immediately to cover up the protests.

"You sure you don't want to change your mind? We could double-date again, like we used to." James was leaning forward over the corner of the table now, making Logan sit all the way back in his seat.

"I'm sure," Logan said, looking James in the eye just long enough so James knew he meant it.

"Fine," James said with a sigh, slumping in his chair.

"Besides," Logan went on, and his tone made James glare at him immediately, "how would you ever find me a date when you can't even get one yourself?"

James raised his straw and shot a line of pink smoothie across Logan's shirt.

Things devolved quickly after that: James ended up with smoothie in his hair and Logan ended up in the pool. James jumped in after him, because…well, why not?

He grabbed Logan and dunked him for good measure. Logan came back up, flailing and sputtering "Five feet, James!"

"You got _pink smoothie_ in my _hair_ , dude!" James countered. "Screw your five feet!"

Then Logan's hands were on his shoulders. "Yeah, well, screw you too!" Logan shouted as he gave his all trying to push his taller and stronger friend underwater.

In an instant James had Logan around the waist, leaning in close to his ear before he really knew what he was doing. "See, only one thing on our minds," he said, low and quiet and trying hard not to grin.

Logan's reaction was sort of fascinating. He stilled immediately, hands loose on James's shoulders while James held him close in the water. It didn't even sound like he was breathing.

And Logan's ear was _right there_ , so close to James's mouth, it would be so easy to close that tiny gap. James was seriously considering risking it when the grip on his shoulders tightened and there was a knee connecting hard with his stomach.

"Oof." James clutched at his stomach and glared at Logan, who was moving his precious five-feet away. "What was that for?"

"For you being an ass," Logan shot back with his own glare.

" _Me_?" James asked, incredulous. "You're the one being all high and mighty and 'oh, James can't find a date, let's all laugh at him' and _you started it_!"

"And _you_ can't take a joke!"

"No _you_ can't! I have a _wonderful_ sense of humor!"

Logan splashed him. "I can take a joke just fine when it's given from a _five-foot-distance_!"

James splashed back. "Yeah well you were the one trying to dunk me underwater!"

"You did it first!"

"Guys!"

They both turned at the sound of the voice. James squinted against the glare of the sun to be sure of who it was. "Camille!" he said, brightening at once.

"What is going on here?" she asked, looking from one to the other with an amused expression.

"Logan got smoothie in my hair," James explained, shooting another hard glare over at his friend.

"Yeah well James started it," Logan said, crossing his arms.

"I did _not_ —"

"Guys!" Camille said again, but James wasn't about to let this go. He was going to tell Camille about how Logan was a jerk and thought it was funny that James couldn't get a guy to date him, but then he had an idea.

"Hey Camille," he said, making his way to the side of the pool and hopping out quickly. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Uh, sure," she said, blinking up at him. "You want a towel first?"

"Oh right, I don't mean now," he explained. "I have to go change clothes and redo my _hair_." He tried glowering at Logan again but Logan was already headed in the opposite direction to climb up the ladder. So he turned back to Camille. "But maybe later?"

"Sure," she said again, smiling at him. "Just come find me, I should be around."

"Awesome," he said, returning the smile. He grabbed his now mostly-empty smoothie cup and tossed it on the way up to the apartment, ignoring Logan behind him the whole way.

——

Camille's reaction to James's problem was not the utter surprise and disbelief he was expecting. She didn't laugh at him, he had known she wouldn't, but she just…didn't seem surprised. About any of it. About the fact that he was interested in dating guys, or about the fact that he couldn't seem to find any guys who were interested in dating him.

It made James pout a little, because now not only one but _two_ people he had kissed seemed to find nothing weird about other people not jumping at the chance to do the same.

"You're probably trying too hard," Camille said, looking thoughtful.

James stared at her for a long moment.

"Hey, I say this from experience, alright?" she added, smiling a little self-consciously. "And with some guys it works, and with…well, most it kind of doesn't."

"Well, I don't know what I'm doing wrong," James admitted. "Logan…" He snuffed a little to show his disdain for even repeating this. "Logan says I need to be more 'discerning,' or whatever."

Camille tilted her head to look at him. "Wait, discerning? He said ' _discerning_ '? So what, are you going around hitting on every guy that smiles at you or something?"

James felt warmth in his cheeks that might have been a blush if James Diamond was the type of guy who blushed.

"No, not _every_ guy. Just…you know…the hot ones."

"Oh James," Camille said. Fondly. That's what James was going with.

"Well do you have any better ideas?" he asked, crossing his arms.

They were sitting on a bench in the Palm Woods park, and Camille looked out across the park for a minute. Then she turned her attention back to the magazine she'd been reading. "Nope, not really," she said, flipping a page.

James gasped. "Camille, you're supposed to be helping me!"

"Honestly I don't know why you're asking _me_ , of all people," she said, and there was something in her tone that James didn't like. "I'm not exactly great at getting dates with guys either."

"That's not true," James said. Why had he asked her? Well, because his three best friends were no help, and...she was _Camille_. She was always willing to help him, and she was awesome. And right now James wanted her to look happy again. "I mean, you definitely have more experience than I do, with dating guys and kissing them and stuff."

She whipped her head up to look at him, and now there was a gleam in her eyes that James didn't like for entirely different reasons. "So have you yet?"

"…Have I what?"

"Kissed a guy!"

That warm feeling was back, and James didn't know what to say because the only guy James had kissed was _Logan_ , who Camille had also kissed (a lot) and might still kinda like and Logan wanted to keep the kiss a secret so maybe this had been a bad idea and what was James supposed to say?

"Um, I, uh…well, um…"

It wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous stuttering James had ever done.

"You totally have!" Camille said, and okay that gleam in her eyes was getting a little scary. "Spill it! Just once? Who was it? Someone I know?"

James could run. He was faster than Camille, he could run back to the apartment and just hide there until she forgot about the whole thing. Except Logan was probably there, and he might still be mad about James invading his personal bubble.

 _Think, James_ , he told himself. _What should I tell her? Should I make something up? Change the subject? Pretend I didn't hear the question?_

He was thinking about grabbing Camille's magazine and throwing it, forcing her to go after it and giving himself the chance to escape when there was a hand waving in front of his face.

"James? Jaaaaames…..? Still there?"

He blinked and shook his head slightly. Camille was smiling again, but she looked normal now. He relaxed a bit.

"If you don't want to talk about it that's okay," she said, patting him on the shoulder. "But I am a little confused. If you've already kissed a boy, why didn't you just ask _him_ out?"

The question made James laugh, but then he didn't know how to answer that one, either. "Because…" he said, thinking. He couldn't say 'Because we're friends,' that would make it too obvious, right? But maybe a different part of the truth would work? "Because he doesn't want anyone to know we kissed." He shrugged.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Camille said, genuine sympathy in her voice. "That's his loss."

"Yeah, but it's his choice, too," James said, surprising himself with the words and how much he meant them. "So anyway, you don't have any advice for me at all?"

Camille looked down at her magazine again. "The last time I gave you relationship advice you almost lost your chance with a girl because I told you she was a mermaid."

"Hey, all the signs were there!" James pointed out. "Come on, Camille, I could _really_ use your help." He gave her his best puppy-dog eyes, and eventually had to poke her so she'd actually look at him.

When her smile broke through James knew he had won. "Okay, fine. Logan's right, you need to be more discerning. And don't look at me like that," she said, raising an eyebrow. "He _is_ right. You have to pick your targets more carefully. Find someone who's hot, _and_ gay, _and_ available, and then go in for the kill."

"That's it?" James asked, unconvinced. "That's all I need to do?" Camille made it sound simple, but a _week_ of not getting a date proved it was anything but.

"Well, and someone who's into you too. Someone who thinks you're hot, and knows you're gay and available."

"Bi," James corrected her. He had to make sure that point was clear or he might start missing out on dates with hot girls.

"Right, of course," Camille said with a smile. "So yeah. Just look for the signs. And…you know, someone who's nice, and funny, and smart, but you can figure all that out once you're on the date."

James sat for a moment, absorbing all of this. He must have looked as unsure as he felt because Camille sighed and said, "Or you could ask the coolest girl in the world to try and set you up with someone."

A grin broke out over James's face. "Would you? Just once, you know, I think I can take it from there."

"I'll see what I can do," she said, grinning back at him.

"Awesome."

"Oh, I know I am, but thanks," Camille said with a wink.

James laughed. "You really are. So how's the job hunt going lately?"

They sat for a while longer, talking about Camille's career. Apparently she was waiting to hear back about a really good role, but she wouldn't tell James much about it because she didn't want to jinx it. She was really excited to talk about a few of the articles in the acting magazine she was reading, though, and her excitement was so contagious that by the end of it James was making plans to borrow some of the back issues and, with Camille's encouragement, maybe give acting another go.

——

James was soon distracted from waiting (mostly impatiently) for Camille to set him up on a date by the arrival of a new girl at the Palm Woods. She was cool, she was hot, but in the end she was ultimately unattainable and James was pretty sure he and Carlos had put out way more effort than they should have in trying to attain her.

Camille had her own share of distractions. She got the part she'd been wanting, which ended up in her wandering around the Palm Woods in character and apparently re-awakening Logan's interest in her (James had no idea what that was all about, but he was a little preoccupied with New Girl at the time). And then she was off at rehearsals and whatnot, and James barely saw her for long enough at a time to ask how things were going in the find-James-a-date department.

So James had to find a new distraction, and continuously violating Logan's five-foot rule seemed as good an idea as any. The incident in the pool had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, but it gave James the idea for a new game. Which, as he saw it, was to see how close and sexy he could get before he won his prize: Logan's eventual reaction.

James was careful not to touch Logan while playing this game, because a knee to the gut would hurt a lot more on land than it had in the pool. But he soon discovered he could get all kinds of fun reactions out of Logan without touching him at all. When Logan was paying attention, he would usually just move away as James got close, or give him a warning look or a 'five-foot' reminder.

But when Logan wasn't paying attention? Like when he was doing homework, or reading song lyrics, or watching some silly smart-person documentary? That's when James could get in close, and by the time Logan realized it was too late, he was blushing and fidgeting and scrambling to get away. And he would fuss or yell and James would do his best to look completely innocent like he had no idea what Logan was talking about. Standing too close to Logan in the studio made his voice go all funny when they were singing, but that usually ended in a minor commotion, death glares from Kendall and death threats from Gustavo, so he didn't try it too much.

But overall? Invading Logan's personal space was one of the most fun games James had ever thought up on his own.

The absolute best parts were when Logan was at his desk or a table, or had a momentary lapse in judgment and sat on the side of the couch not against the wall. Because then James could sneak up behind him, lean down, and nonchalantly whisper in Logan's ear. It was like lighting the fuse on an old firework that you can't read the label on—James never knew what exactly would happen, but the anticipation was worth it, and sometimes there was an explosion.

Logan might jump up like he'd been burned. Or, James might have to dodge a book or remote or hand that was threatening to maim his lovely face. But sometimes…sometimes Logan just sat there, closed his eyes, and said "James" low and quiet, tone full of warning. It was familiar, and when James realized why—that was the part he couldn't figure out during their kiss, when Logan had whispered his name, it had been a _warning_ —it made him shiver a little and want to break his one rule in this game by leaning in and brushing lips against Logan's ear.

But that might have ended the game, and James definitely didn't want that. He already knew this was probably going to blow up in his face once he pushed his luck too far and Logan got really, seriously pissed at him. And then James would feel guilty and be apologetic and probably not even be allowed in the same room as Logan for a few days unless he absolutely had to be. Which would suck.

That didn't make him stop playing, though. As long as Logan would allow it James was going to keep going, because…well, he didn't really know. It was just _fun_. And…sort of addictive. James wasn't going to question it. Or the fact that Logan actually _was_ allowing it; he had complained to Kendall one day that James was 'sexually harassing' him but the way he said it just made Kendall laugh. Kendall had already been going around humming the chorus to "Nothing Even Matters" anytime he saw Logan and James together, just like he'd done for a couple weeks after prom—James totally approved of this teasing ( _this_ time) because it also got Logan all riled up—which made James wonder what Logan hoped to accomplish by complaining to their friend in the first place. Kendall didn't seem to care what James did to Logan as long as he kept it out of the studio.

Not that it mattered, because even if Kendall had told James to cut it out he wouldn't have. He was good at this game, he kept winning over and over, and Logan was the only one who could end it. Hopefully without causing James any bodily harm, but it was a risk he was oh so willing to take.

It never really occurred to James that he could still be trying to find a date on his own, and with Logan to keep him busy the two and a half weeks before Camille got back to him about her own progress flew by. She apologized for taking so long, but to make it up to him she had two great pieces of news: Not only had she found him a date with an awesome guy, she also had a lead on a small role still needing to be cast in the movie she was working on that would, in her own words, be perfect for James.

 

* * * * * *

 

James Diamond had a date with a boy.

An actor boy.

A _hot_ actor boy, apparently.

Logan was about sick of hearing about it.

Not that he wasn't happy for James, because he was. And he was especially happy that this meant James might stop _torturing him constantly_. What happened in the pool had been Logan's own fault, for grabbing onto James and giving him that opening. But it seemed James had thought completely ignoring Logan's five-foot rule was a grand old time, because since then he'd been trying over and over again to annoy Logan into punching him in the face.

Why Logan _hadn't_ punched him in the face was a good question, and one he hadn't yet come up with an answer to. Kendall even asked him outright why he was putting up with it, one night after they'd gone to bed. That was the day Logan had finally complained about James's behavior, but since Kendall had just laughed it off Logan was surprised when it was brought up again. But he didn't have an answer. "He'd stop if you really got mad at him," Kendall had said.

"I know," Logan replied. That had been the end of the discussion.

Logan knew Kendall was right. Because James was teasing, he was just messing around, he wasn't doing any of it maliciously. So Logan allowed it. Maybe he took it as a sort of punishment for making James take this step alone. Maybe he thought if he let James flaunt his ability to make Logan squirm it would make up for _not_ going on those double dates. That hadn't just been an off-hand comment, Logan was pretty sure of it, and it had made him feel guilty all over again.

The problem with James's constant teasing, though, was that it made Logan's five-foot rule completely useless. The whole _point_ of that rule was so Logan could have time to separate his friendship-feelings for James from his make-out-feelings, but with James hovering around him or sitting so close they were nearly touching or _whispering in his damn ear_ all the time that task proved impossible. And the more James did it the worse it got; by the time James announced he had a date Logan was so on edge he was having trouble thinking clearly anytime James was in the same room, let alone within five feet.

So as much as Logan was tired of hearing about this date, he was also looking forward to James's sex appeal being directed at someone else for a change. And judging by how long it was taking James to get ready, that was exactly his intention.

It was Friday night and Logan, Kendall and Carlos were all sitting around playing a video game, while Carlos complained that James was the only one of them with a date.

"Yeah, but he's been trying for what, like three weeks now?" Kendall said with a smirk.

"He says boys are hard," Carlos explained, then giggled as he realized what he'd said.

"They are," James said. His voice was coming from the direction of the hallway, but Logan didn't dare look over. "At least, harder than I expected." Carlos was giggling even more now, but James seemed to ignore it as he continued. "So what do you think of this outfit, guys?"

"You look like you're going on a date," Kendall said.

"You look cool, James," Carlos added, admiration in his voice.

"Thank you, Carlos," James said, then paused. "…Logan?"

"Playing a game here," Logan said, keeping his eyes straight forward. Sitting on this side of the couch had proved a risky venture these past two weeks, but it was also his only hope of avoiding seeing James before he went out on his date. The last thing Logan needed after being the casual target of James's sexual frustration for so long was the image of James all dressed up and looking even better than usual.

"You're already losing, I don't think looking at me for a second is going to make it any worse," James pointed out in a less-than-helpful manner.

"Don't you still have to do your hair or something?" Logan asked as a last resort.

"Then you'll tell me how I look?"

"Sure, whatever," Logan said dismissively.

After the bathroom door had been closed for a solid five minutes Logan set down his controller and started to stand up.

"Hiding in our room?" Kendall asked, sparing a glance at Logan.

"No, I'm just…going to look something up on the computer, I'll…be right back," Logan said slowly, backing away towards the hallway. When he was out of sight he turned and darted into his room, closing the door quietly. With any luck, James would spend so long messing with his hair that he wouldn't have time to go looking for Logan before he had to leave.

In the meantime, Logan sat on his bed reading. He lost track of the time, and when he heard the bedroom door open he looked up, expecting to see Kendall telling him the coast was clear.

Instead James was standing there, tall and beautiful, looking sharp as fuck and Logan had totally been right in trying to avoid him. He was _really_ dressed up, even wearing slacks instead of jeans, something basically unheard of for James on a date. He had on a skinny tie, too, and James in a tie had never done anything for Logan before but hell if it wasn't making his brain fuzzy now.

Logan heard someone say "Damn," and when he realized that had been his own voice he could only hope it was too quiet for James to hear.

"You're avoiding me again," James said, his smile a little tentative.

"I'm not avoiding you, I just—no, you stop right there!" Logan said, scrambling back on his bed and holding both hands out in front of him. James paused on his way into the room, eyes wide. "Don't you come any closer to me, James!" Logan knew he sounded ridiculous, but he was not going to be held responsible for his own actions if James decided to ignore personal boundaries looking like _that_.

Slowly James grinned in a smug-but-pleased sort of way. "Seriously? I look _that_ good? I thought I'd at least get within 10 feet before you started freaking out. That's _awesome_."

Logan rolled his eyes, but he kept his hands up as a warning. "Yeah, yeah. So you got what you came for, right? Don't you have a date with some hot actor to get to now?"

James's expression changed, and he looked away. "Actually, I…" He took a step sideways.

"Stop that," Logan said immediately. "Stop moving. Now."

"I'm just closing the door, relax." He did, then moved back to stand in front of it.

Logan's eyes went wide. "You're not exactly making that easy! The last time, the last time you blocked the door like that—"

"Logan," James said, and his voice was quiet but there was something in the tone of it that shut Logan up and made him look more closely at his friend. James was staring at the floor, hands behind his back, but he looked like he might start fidgeting at any moment.

"What's up, James?" Logan asked, trying to tone down his panic and sound helpful.

"I just, um…it's nothing, but…could you come here for a second?"

Logan's heart sped up and he could feel heat rising in his cheeks. He shook his head rapidly, even though James still wasn't looking at him. "Um, no. No, I think I'm going to just stay right here."

The corners of James's mouth turned upwards, and Logan heard him say something that sounded like "Game over," but before Logan could ask James was looking at him, eyes pleading. "Please Logan, I'm not trying to mess with you, I just…need an opinion on something, and you're the only person I can ask."

Logan was dumbfounded as a realization struck him. "…You're nervous." James narrowed his eyes a little and Logan knew he was right. "James Diamond…is _nervous_ …about a _date_."

"Are you going to help me or just make fun of me?"

"I'll help you man, sure," Logan said, scooting off the edge of his bed. "I just…I mean, I'm shocked. You never get nervous about dates. Is this guy really that special?"

"How would I know, I've never even met him," James answered, not moving from his spot by the door.

"What? Then how…?" Logan asked, confused, as he stepped slowly towards James.

And now James was _blushing_ , and Logan was sure he was no longer in the Real World. "Oh, um…Camille set it up?"

The grin was spreading across Logan's face before he could think to stop it. "So even you need help getting a date sometimes, huh? That's a comforting thought."

"Whatever," James said, his huffiness not completely covering up his embarrassment. Or his nerves. "Just get over here, I'm not going to touch you."

"Fine, fine," Logan said, still smiling, and closed most of the distance between them. "So what do you need from me?" Standing this close to James was a little overwhelming, but Logan was determined to keep his wits about him.

"How do I smell?"

At first Logan was sure he had misheard, but then he remembered who he was talking to and so James probably actually did have a reason for asking something so odd. "What?" he asked anyway, looking up with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, it's just that I'm so used to using 'Cuda manspray when I go on dates and I sorta forgot that it's supposed to make _girls_ like you and I don't know if it works on boys too so now I'm afraid I'm gonna smell weird and—do I smell weird to you?"

Logan had to bite his lip to keep from laughing, because James was _completely serious_ which really just made it even funnier. Afraid to try speaking, Logan just shook his head.

"I don't?" When Logan shook his head again James looked a little relieved. "Wait, did you even smell me?"

 _Not intentionally_ , Logan thought. "James, you do not smell weird."

"But do I smell _good_? Come on Logan, this is important!"

"James…" Logan sighed. The things he did for his friends. "Let me put it to you this way. Part of the reason I even tried implementing that obviously futile five-foot rule is because just smelling you makes it hard for me to concentrate."

James was looking a little worried as he tried to process that information. "So that means…"

"You smell good, James. You always smell good."

"Oh." Now James was grinning, and Logan thought it might be time to retreat back to the other side of the room. "And…I look okay, right?"

"You…you look amazing. Again, as always. You have nothing to be nervous about. Now shouldn't you be going?"

James's grin got even wider, and Logan could tell what was about to happen as soon as he caught the beginnings of movement. "No, no," he said, hopping back. "No hugs. I'm the best friend ever, I get it, now just _go_."

"Thanks Logan. See you," James said, stepping away from Logan to open the door.

"Right, yes, go, see you later." James was halfway out the doorway when Logan had an unexpected and oddly unwelcome thought. _Guys only have one thing on our minds._ "Hey, James, wait," he heard himself saying.

"Yeah?" James ducked his head back into the room.

"Um…" _You're not going to sleep with him, are you?_ Logan asked silently. But faced with those hazel eyes again, Logan realized he just really didn't have the nerve. Or maybe even the right. "It's nothing," he said with a quick smile. "Have fun tonight."

"Sure thing," James said, flashing another grin before disappearing down the hallway.

 _Just not_ too _much fun_. Logan hesitated for just a second before stepping quickly to the doorway and watching, then silently following James as he headed back to the living room.

"I'm out, guys!" Logan heard James tell the others.

"Have a great time, dude!" Carlos yelled back.

"Hey James," Kendall said, sounding distracted, "you have a condom with you, right?"

"What?" James and Carlos both said, while Logan himself whispered it in surprise.

"Condom," Kendall repeated. "Do you have one already, or do you need one?"

"Um, I have one," James said hesitantly. "But _do_ I need one? You think he's going to want to have sex? On the first date?" Logan couldn't read James's tone, and that bothered him a lot more than he wanted it to.

"Dude, I don't know how it works with guys," Kendall said. "And I don't want to. Just be safe, whatever you do."

"Right. Okay, really leaving now," James said, now sounding almost as freaked out by the conversation as Logan was.

"James." That was Kendall's serious voice.

"I got it Kendall. Safe sex. Noted. Now I'm going to be late, so bye."

"Make 'im wait, James! You're worth at least two dates!" Carlos yelled, presumably as James was walking out the door.

Logan waited a few more seconds, silently cursing Kendall for giving James the idea in the first place while at the same time being grateful he'd had more nerve than Logan did. Then he rejoined his friends in the living room, trying to seem like he wasn't just eavesdropping from the hallway.

"What was all the yelling about?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"We were talking about whether James is gonna get laid tonight," Carlos explained. "Hey, can you make some popcorn while you're in there? After this round we're gonna watch a movie."

"Um, sure," Logan said, rifling through a cabinet until he found the popcorn. He put it in the microwave and leaned back against the counter to wait.

"So did James get a kiss for luck?" Kendall asked, smirking as he kept watch on the TV screen.

"You're hilarious, Kendall," Logan said, rolling his eyes. "He just wanted my opinion on his outfit. I guess he figured I was the only one here qualified for a real assessment."

"You mean he wanted to see how uncomfortable he could make you."

"Pretty much."

"How far did he make it? Five feet? Ten? Not even past the doorway? Although you guys were back there for a while."

Logan didn't appreciate Kendall's tone. "You like your popcorn burnt, right Kendall?"

"Dude, shut up!" Carlos said, reaching over to smack at Kendall. " _I_ don't want burnt popcorn!" Logan laughed. "He'll be good now, Logan," Carlos assured him with a smile and a quick glance. "So you don't have to burn it."

"Thank you, Carlos," Logan said as he turned his attention to the microwave, waiting for the pops to slow down. Their microwave was good for making popcorn, but you still had to time it right if you wanted that perfectly popped bag. Logan didn't like to brag, but he was totally the best at it.

He emptied the bag into a bowl—not a single kernel wasted, yes he really was _that good_ —and was headed to the couch when his phone beeped.

"So um, you're okay with James being on a date, right Logan?" Carlos asked as Logan sat down.

"What? Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, putting the popcorn on the table and reaching into his pocket for his phone.

"I don't know, I mean…you guys have been all flirty with each other recently, so I thought—"

"What?" Logan interrupted, his text forgotten for the moment. "Flirty? Me and James? What are you talking about?"

"He means the way James has been screwing around with you lately and the way you haven't been telling him off for it," Kendall explained. "Aaaand that's the game. Sorry Carlos, better luck next time." The grin Kendall was flashing didn't exactly match his words.

"But that's not _flirting_ , that's…" Logan paused, suddenly aware he had no idea what he was saying. "That's…just _James_."

"Yeah, it's just James flirting with you," Kendall said, standing up to stretch before heading to the DVD player.

"I'm sorry I said that stuff about James getting laid," Carlos cut in before Logan could argue with Kendall. "It's only a first date, nothing's probably gonna happen."

" _What?_ " Logan said, head moving back and forth as he looked at Carlos and Kendall and back again. "What is _wrong_ with you guys? James and I are not flirting, I do not care whether James is on a date, and I do not care whether he"—Logan paused for the briefest moment as he realized this part was, in fact, an outright lie—"gets laid."

Carlos was looking at him like he wanted to say something else, but Kendall spoke first. "Whatever you say, Logan."

"Let's just watch the damn movie," Logan said, irritated, as Kendall sat next to him. They were barely into the opening credits when Logan's phone beeped again, and he realized it was still in his hand. He looked at it, and saw that both texts were from James. He opened the first one.

 _'Hey 4got 2 ask u, u busy 2morrow?'_

Logan thought for a second. He wasn't, unless he was forgetting something. He checked the second text before replying.

 _'If not i need ur help w smthng'_

Logan typed out his reply. _'No busier than usual. Nothing special planned. What's up?'_ He settled back into watching the movie, figuring James wouldn't be able to respond quickly.

After a few minutes, though, his phone beeped again. _'Cool thanks. Here now gotta go'_

Logan rolled his eyes. _Way to completely not answer my question, James._ He didn't bother replying, though. James was on a date, after all.

Except not 15 minutes later there was yet _another_ beep from Logan's phone. He fished it out of his pocket again.

 _'Ok so camille wasnt kidding this guys like really hot'_

Logan thought he had groaned _quietly_ until Kendall asked "What is it?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head at his phone. "James is just ridiculous."

 _'If he's so hot why are you texting on a date?'_ Logan sent back.

"Did he get lost?" Carlos asked, sounding concerned.

"No, he just wanted to say his date's hot."

"Oooh, sounds like someone's trying to make _someone_ jealous," Kendall said.

Logan very calmly picked up a throw pillow and whacked Kendall upside the head with it, smiling with satisfaction at the loud "Ow!" he earned. Carlos laughed.

It was another half hour into the movie before James replied. "You know, I'm really glad I've seen this movie before," Logan muttered under his breath.

"Ooh, did you get another text? Is it James? What's he say?" Carlos asked, looking at Logan like this was far more entertaining than his fourth time watching this movie was.

"I asked him what he was doing texting during a date," Logan said as he opened the new message. "And he says…'Had to tell someone. And he's trying to be funny but I'm afraid to laugh in this fancy restaurant.'" That explained the outfit, but as he was reading it Logan wondered if this was something James would have preferred to stay between the two of them.

"Fancy restaurant?" Carlos sounded excited. "Man, those places are intimidating, I know what he means. But he has to laugh, otherwise the guy'll think he's not into him! Tell him that, Logan!"

"I am, I am," Logan said, already typing. _'C says to laugh anyway. Sorry if you didn't want me to tell them, they know you're texting me and…you know how they are.'_

"Okay, what's he saying now?"

"He's on a date, Carlos, he's not going to answer right away."

"He shouldn't be answering at all," Kendall said. "He's on a _date_."

"But this is fun," Carlos insisted.

"So is watching a movie in peace," Kendall argued.

"Nah, this is totally better," Carlos said with a grin.

It kind of was, but Logan wasn't about to admit that.

They had no choice but to continue watching the movie, though, until James got the chance to text back. The movie was nearly over when he did.

"That's James!" Carlos said as soon as he heard the phone beep. "What's he say, what's he say?"

Kendall actually paused the movie this time as Logan checked his phone. "He says…heh, he says 'It's cool, tell C good advice. He's totally into me. Of course. Dinner over, dunno what's next.'"

"Has he kissed him yet? Ask him!"

"Carlos you sound like a girl," Kendall said.

When Carlos hit him with a pillow it actually _sounded_ painful. "OW!"

Carlos jumped up and pushed Kendall out of the way so he could sit next to Logan. "Go on, ask him!"

"Okay, okay," Logan said, laughing. _'Now C wants to know if you've kissed yet. He's more excited about this date now than you were.'_

"Did you send it?"

"I sent it, Carlos, now we have to wait again."

" _So_ much better than a movie," Carlos said, maybe a little dreamily. "Oh, oh, tell him to send a picture!"

"Are you _serious_?" Kendall asked, still rubbing the side of his head where the pillow had connected. His hair was a mess.

"Shut up, Kendall," Logan and Carlos said in perfect unison.

"Whatever, I give up. You two are just as ridiculous as he is." The movie started playing again.

 _'C says to send a pic. K says we're all ridiculous.'_ Logan smiled as he sent the message. The reply came back almost immediately, surprising him.

"What is it, did he send the picture already? Let me see!" Carlos grabbed at Logan's phone.

Logan hopped up before he could get a hand on it. "Hold on a sec, I don't think it's the picture already." He opened the message.

 _'What do u say l?'_

A blush was creeping up Logan's cheeks, and he had no idea why.

"Logaaaan, what's it saaaay?" Carlos asked, whining.

"It's not the picture, just—have some patience, Carlos, okay?" Logan had to think for a second before he could come up with a decent response.

 _'I'm just the messenger.'_

"Fine," Carlos said with a pout. "Did he answer the question yet?"

"Not yet."

"Logan, you would be throwing a fit if we were bugging you like this when you were on a date," Kendall muttered not-that-quietly from his new spot further down the couch.

"Hey James started it!" Carlos reminded him, coming to Logan's defense. "And he doesn't have to answer us if he doesn't want to."

"Exactly," Logan said. He sat back on the couch and watched the last few minutes of the movie, then nearly jumped when his phone sounded again.

"Answer it, Logan, answer it!"

"Carlos I am right here, you don't have to yell." Logan tried to ignore the pounding of his heart as he checked the newest text. He scanned this one first instead of just reading it out loud.

 _'Dodging the question. Nice l. No kiss yet. Def will. Pic when i can. Were at this awesome store. Trying on clothes. So fun'_

Logan laughed at his phone. He couldn't help it.

"What, what?" Carlos said, making a grab for the phone again.

"Quit that!" Logan scolded, holding the phone out of reach. "He says they're…trying on clothes. At some store. He's having fun."

Kendall snickered, but Carlos just nodded. "James would have fun doing that. But what about the rest? The kiss, and the picture?"

"He says they haven't kissed yet, but he's planning on it. And he'll send a picture when he can. If they're trying on clothes it probably shouldn't be too hard to get a picture."

Carlos nodded again. "Yeah, you're right. Oh, we're out of popcorn! Logan could you make some more?" He handed the empty bowl out to Logan.

"Sure Carlos," Logan said, smiling and sighing at the same time as he took the bowl. He made sure not to leave his phone behind.

As he waited for the popcorn to pop, he composed his next reply. _'Glad it's going well. C can't wait for the pic.'_

This _was_ fun, having this connection with James while he was out on his date. And Carlos being overly excited about everything made it even more fun. Logan had all but forgotten about his earlier worries and his friends' misconceptions about him and James.

The popcorn was almost done, but then his phone beeped again and Logan decided to check it really quick. It was a media file this time, and with a glance back at Carlos Logan opened it. The picture downloaded in no time, and then Logan was staring at…okay, a really attractive young man with light brown hair and maybe blue eyes, who was fixing the camera with some sort of model pose. Logan scrolled down past the picture to see the caption James had sent along with it.

 _'Told you. Hot. What should i do if he invites me to his place?'_

Logan froze at the words. Suddenly he wasn't having so much fun anymore.

"Logan! _Logan!_ " Kendall's voice snapped him out of it. "Dude, the popcorn!"

"Oh, dammit!" Logan grabbed at the handle on the microwave, the smell of burnt popcorn filling the air. "Dammit! I'm sorry, guys, I'll make another one!"

"Is everything okay? You never burn popcorn," Carlos said. When Logan looked over Carlos seemed worried, while Kendall was giving him an eyebrow raise that meant they'd be talking about this sooner or later so he might as well answer the question now.

"It's fine, I just got distracted. James sent the picture." Hopefully he could play that off as being the thing that had distracted him.

"Really?! I wanna see!" Carlos was next to Logan in the blink of an eye, waiting expectantly.

Logan blinked. "Sure, just let me make some more popcorn first."

"Forget the popcorn, lemme see your phone. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon," Carlos said impatiently, waving at Logan to hurry up.

"Alright alright, here." Logan turned his phone around so Carlos could see the picture, but Carlos just grabbed the phone and took off back towards the couch. "Carlos!" Logan yelled, racing after him. "Give me my phone!"

"After I look," Carlos said, jumping on the couch. "So this is him? He looks like a model or something. Oh, he's an actor, right? So is he hot, Logan?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Like you need me to tell you that. Now give me my phone."

"Hold on," Carlos said, pushing a button. "Oh, he sent a message, too! …Oh." Carlos peered at Logan from around the phone. "Did you read this?"

"Did I read what?" Logan hoped his embarrassment wasn't too obvious.

"This message, where James asks what he should do if his date invites him home."

"What?" Kendall said, shooting a glance in Logan's direction. He scooted over so he could see the phone.

"See?" Carlos held the screen up for Kendall. "Well, we can just tell him to say no, right Logan?"

Carlos was pushing buttons again and Logan started to panic. "Stop it Carlos, give me my phone back! Don't you dare answer that!"

"I'm just telling him what you want to say," Carlos said, still typing away.

"You don't know what I want to say!" Logan argued. He lunged for the phone but suddenly Kendall was there, blocking him. "Kendall what are you doing?!"

"Just let him do it, Logan. If you don't he'll just use his own phone."

"Fine, let him use his own damn phone! Carlos put it _down_! _Move_ , Kendall!" Logan reached around Kendall but it didn't do him any good.

"Okay, done!" Carlos announced, then handed the phone to Kendall who handed it back to Logan. Logan grabbed it and ran back into the kitchen to check the 'Sent Message' folder.

 _'U shoud say noo j, l would be sad :( -c'_

"Dammit, Carlos!" Logan said, glaring daggers at both of his friends. He opened up a blank message to try and think of something, anything to say to James, but before he got the chance his phone beeped again.

"Ooh, what'd he say now?" Carlos asked from the couch.

"Oh, like I'm telling you," Logan shot back. Another beep. He opened the first message, feeling almost shaky with nerves.

 _'Really like srsly is that true c?'_

The second message was just one letter: _'L?'_

 _YesJamesdon'tyoudarehavesexwithsomeguyyoudon'tevenknowI'llbesofuckingpissedatyou._ Logan took a deep breath to compose himself before even trying to compose a reply. He had a little trouble hitting the right keys.

 _'They got my phone. Do whatever you want J. You're an adult. Well, almost.'_

Logan closed his eyes and waited. He knew he shouldn't expect any response right away, but he was feeling jittery all the same.

"Logan, come onnnn, you can't hold out on me now!"

"Sure I can, Carlos, I'm mad at you," Logan said, opening his eyes to send another glare in the general direction of the couch.

"You are?"

"Yes!"

"Oh. I'm sorry?"

"Was that a question or an apology?"

"…Both?"

Logan made a frustrated noise. "I'm going to bed," he announced, but before he could take two steps his phone beeped.

"Read it out loud!"

"No!" Logan looked at the message, his eyes going wide as he read.

 _'So taking that as a yes. U gonna wait up for me?'_

Logan had absolutely no idea what _that_ was supposed to mean, and he wasn't exactly keen on finding out. _'Um, no. Going to bed now actually. See you tomorrow.'_

"Okay, I'm done," Logan announced to the room. "You guys suck, I'm going to sleep, leave me alone."

"Will you leave your phone?" Carlos asked, sounding like he actually thought that was a possibility.

" _No!_ "

"…Well you don't have to yell."

Logan threw his hands up in frustration as Kendall snickered on the couch.

——

Logan went to bed, but he couldn't get to sleep. He kept his phone close to his head, waiting to see if James would text again while telling himself he totally wasn't waiting to see if James would text again. Every once in a while he checked the time, and so he knew it was sometime after 12:30 when the door to his room finally opened. He was careful to be quiet, hoping Kendall would assume he was already asleep and just leave him alone.

"Logan?"

That was James's voice, not Kendall's, and Logan felt his heart go into instant overdrive. He held completely still.

The light from the hallway disappeared, and Logan thought he was safe until he heard quiet footsteps. "Logan?" James said again, closer this time. Logan closed his eyes, really really wishing that he was already asleep.

Then James was poking him in the shoulder. "Hey Logan," he said, softly. "Loooogaaann," he tried again, this time in a sing-song voice. And he was poking harder now.

Logan gave up. "Yeah?"

James was too close and he still smelled good and Logan was _not_ going to turn around and look at him, because if he looked even half as good as he had earlier Logan just didn't trust himself. Not at this range.

He heard a slight gasp. "You totally weren't asleep."

"No. What do you want, James?"

"I didn't sleep with him."

Logan bit his lip, trying to ignore the way his heart seemed to have skipped a beat. "Okay."

"…He didn't even ask."

"Is that bad?"

"I don't know. It was a first date. But I don't know how it usually works with guys."

"Me either." Logan couldn't believe he was having this conversation.

"But um, even if he had asked I would have said no."

"Okay." He wasn't about to ask why.

"…Logan?"

"Yeah James."

"You're still going to help me tomorrow, right?"

Logan sighed. "I guess. What do you need help with?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. 'Night Logan."

"Goodnight James." _Get the hell out of my room now please_ , Logan added to himself.

Logan could feel it when James moved away from the bed, and he was just about to let himself start to relax when James spoke again.

"Oh, and Logan?"

"Yeah."

"You're totally a better kisser than him."

The laugh that Logan let out was completely beyond his own control. He heard the door open and close, and maybe now he would finally be able to get some sleep.


	5. The Strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has a plan, Kendall has an opinion, and Logan finally has a solution to his problem. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has heavy references to BT Rocker. The main plot point in this part of the story had been planned since the beginning, but that episode provided so much amazing context for it. ♥

Kendall and Carlos had both been passed out on the couch when James got home. James had intended to wake them up—loudly—after his talk with Logan, but he was actually really tired and didn't want to deal with a potentially still excitable Carlos right then. So he just left them there.

In an act of quick thinking before he collapsed on his bed and fell immediately to sleep, James set his alarm for way earlier than he needed to get up the next morning. They were due in the studio sometime Saturday afternoon, but the morning was wide open, and James had some definite plans.

When his alarm went off, for a second James was really pissed thinking somehow he'd made a mistake and set it accidentally but then he remembered the reason he needed to be awake. He climbed down from the top bunk, sparing a glance at the bottom bed to see that Carlos did in fact make it into their room at some point during the night.

James grabbed the audition script Camille had given him, along with the copy he'd made for Logan, and crept out onto the balcony to see that Kendall had also apparently gone to bed. That was slightly disappointing for some mysterious reason, until James realized he'd been forming some sort of sleepy-morning plan. Sleepy-morning plans were not always James's brightest ideas, so he decided to chance a quick shower in an effort to wake up more. And be clean, because being clean was always a good idea.

After the shower James really wanted some coffee but he'd been a little afraid of coffee makers ever since Carlos had told him about that one that wanted to destroy the world, so he settled instead for some orange juice. Glass in one hand, scripts in the other, he made his way to Logan and Kendall's room.

He knocked lightly on the door, mainly wanting to avoid walking in on a naked Kendall, then when there was no response cracked it open and peered inside. No signs of nakedness, so James stepped into the room and closed the door. Then he walked over and sat cross-legged on the foot of Logan's bed, waiting for him to wake up.

In this instance, the sleepy-morning plan had been, in fact, an awesome idea. James had to make sure Logan didn't run away before following through on his promise to help James, and staking out Logan's room seemed like the best way to do that. Besides, Logan would totally freak when he woke up and saw James sitting on his bed, so it was a win-win situation.

James had intended to read through the script again while waiting. He'd already skimmed it a couple times, just enough to make sure it was something he could handle. Camille had been right about that too: it really was a perfect role for him. Nothing too demanding, at least for this particular scene; mostly he just had to stand around and look pretty while he was talked to. But there were a few speaking lines involved, and if James wanted to get them right he would need to read the script more carefully.

Except. Logan was kind of distracting, all asleep and quiet and, you know, not freaking out at James being so close. James had been having so much fun teasing his friend that he had almost forgotten what it was like to just be near him.

Or maybe he had totally forgotten, because James wasn't sure just being near Logan was ever like this before. His soft breathing, his calm expression, the way he was still mostly hidden in shadow with the early morning light coming in the window—all of it was weirdly captivating. Out of the four of them Logan was the quietest, stillest sleeper—James could hear Kendall rolling around in his bed on the other side of the room even now—but even knowing this James was still a little surprised at how…well, _relaxed_ Logan looked. It made James smile a little.

It also made him want to ruin it completely. James wanted to touch Logan, touch his knee or his hip or his shoulder or his ear or his lips, wanted to make him stir and watch his eyes flutter open and see James there and just freak the fuck out.

Or maybe not freak out? Maybe Logan had not-so-bright sleepy-morning plans too, and maybe he would just smile and close his eyes again. And maybe then he'd scoot over a little, and James could lay down next to him and get some more sleep, because seriously it was too early to be awake on a Saturday.

Either of these possibilities sounded to James like an excellent way to begin Logan's morning, but one of them would probably end in James not getting the help he wanted. And since James couldn't do percentages like Logan and figure out what his chances were, he decided the best thing to do was just to sit there and wait until his friend woke up.

So he sipped at his orange juice and realized that reading a script in the dark isn't really easy at all. And Kendall wouldn't stop moving, and he had loud weird breathing sounds that James was just glad he didn't have to deal with every night. Carlos mumbled in his sleep and sometimes he kicked the wall hard enough to hurt himself, but that was more entertaining than anything. James kind of wanted to throw something at Kendall, or at least yell at him to shut up.

Adding to the dark and the Kendall noise was the fact that James was getting cold. After his shower he had thrown his tank top and sweatpants on again, which seemed like a good idea at the time because it saved him a trip back to his room, but now his arms were cold. And his hair wasn't completely dry which wasn't helping things, and was Logan really worth all this trouble?

More light was flooding the room now, and even though James could read his script without as much trouble he was still about to at least take a break to blow-dry his hair. Skipping that step had been really stupid. But then Logan moved a little and, his attention caught again, James watched as Logan stretched his legs out, his toes hitting James's leg through the blanket.

Unable to help himself, James reached down and poked Logan's foot, watching his face for any reaction. A corner of Logan's mouth turned down a tiny bit, and then his foot was pushing against James's leg, like he was trying to kick away whatever was blocking him. James smiled, amused in a way that was different from the satisfaction he got from making Logan skittish and uncomfortable while he was awake.

This went on for a short while, James poking Logan and watching Logan fidget and push back in response. It ended with a change in Logan's expression, from a lip quirk to a full-on frown to something confused and adorable. James stopped poking, and without even realizing it held his breath to wait and see what Logan would do next.

Logan turned from his side onto his stomach, then stretched one arm out in front of him and made a wake-up-stretch noise. Then he sighed a little, and curled his legs back up as he rolled onto his side again. Except this time his eyes were open, and James had a grin plastered on his face when those brown eyes finally flicked in his direction. Logan blinked, and then it was like James had touched him with a live wire or a hot poker or one of those other weird metaphors about things you would never actually touch someone with. Intentionally. Probably.

"What the fuck, James?!" Logan yelled, voice hoarse from sleep, flailing as he sat straight up and pushed himself into the far corner of his bed. Kendall made some sort of groan-like sound.

"Good morning," James said, utterly pleased with himself. It was really, really rare to hear Logan say 'fuck,' and while James was always proud when he'd managed to force him into it (Carlos seemed to get a kick out of doing it, too, though his success rate wasn't as high), this time was a little different. James wasn't so much amused as he was interested in seeing what it took to make Logan say it again.

But that would have to wait, because the whole point of sitting around waiting for Logan to wake up hadn't _really_ been to freak him out. That was a nice side benefit, but James had more important things planned for that morning.

"Good morning?" Logan said, breaking James away from his thoughts. "Good _morning_? Why are you in my room? Why are you in my _bed_?!" Logan was still looking sleepy and confused, and if James didn't know it would make the situation worse he'd reach over and ruffle his hair.

"Shh, it's early, people are sleeping," James said instead, trying to speak in a soothing voice. He pointed meaningfully over at Kendall.

Logan looked like he was battling with himself for a moment, glancing between Kendall and James, and continuing to be generally adorable. James took a second to contemplate this, because Logan had always been cute, but he hadn't always been hot. Now that he was, though, it made the cuteness more…something. James tried to think of the word, but then Logan was looking at him again, just him this time. The sleepiness was starting to clear from his eyes a little, and James couldn't tell yet what it was being replaced with.

"Why are you in my bed?" Logan asked, slowly.

 _Ah_ , James thought. _Suspicion_.

"You want some orange juice?" James asked, holding out his half-empty glass.

"Do I want some—no!" It seemed like Logan was trying to keep his voice down, but Kendall muttered something and flopped around some more. Logan glanced over at him. "If he wakes up I am totally blaming it on you."

"Meh," James said with a shrug.

They stared at each other for a moment, Logan still as far away from James as he could get while remaining on the bed. If he were being honest, James was actually a little surprised Logan was even still in the room, much less still on the bed. He'd expected to have to chase him down the hallway by now.

"Um…what's that?" Logan asked, nodding and pointing to indicate the papers on James's knee.

He grinned again. "That's what you're helping me with today."

Logan blinked, then shook his head a little. "Wait…is _that_ why you're on my bed?"

James nodded. "I didn't want you to run away."

Logan brought a hand up to rub at his face, and James couldn't tell if the sound he made was a sigh or a chuckle. "James, I'm not going to run away."

"…You might have."

"I told you I would help you, didn't I?" Logan said, hand falling from his face as he looked straight at James, half-smiling.

Another nod.

"And I meant it. I'll help you. But dude, you can't stake out my bed while I'm sleeping, you nearly gave me a heart attack."

"You're cute when you sleep." James blurted it out, but the way Logan turned red almost instantly meant it had been a good idea. "And, you know, there are tons of people out there who would just love to wake up to this face"—he used his free hand to motion at himself—"first thing in the morning. You should consider yourself lucky."

" _James_ ," Logan said, and there it was. That slight warning tone, quiet and this time sleepy, and it made James want to push back.

"So you're not going anywhere?" he asked, trying to seem innocent and slightly concerned.

"Not going anywhere," Logan said, shaking his head. "I'm all yours this morning."

James's eyes widened at that, and then Logan's eyes widened, and then Logan was blushing even harder. "I, I mean, um—dammit, you know what I mean!"

The irritated noise Kendall made barely even registered with James, who was trying not to let himself get distracted by Logan's phrasing and embarrassment. "So if you're not going anywhere, does that mean I can go back to sleep for a while? It's still way too early to be up on a Saturday."

"Um, sure, I guess," Logan said with a shrug. "If you want. But remember we have to go to the studio later."

"Yeah, I know. So can I sleep here?"

" _What_?" Logan asked, eyes widening and face still a lovely shade of red. "You have a bed, James!"

"Yeah, but it's…you know," James said, focusing all of his powers of Logan-persuasion into his expression and voice. "It's so far away. And I'm already here, and it's comfy and I'm cold, Logan. Feel my arms. I'm freezing. And I brought you orange juice."

"You brought yourself orange juice, and I am not feeling your arms get away from me James!"

"Shuddup," Kendall managed, groggy and rough. James paused in his movement across Logan's bed to glance over at him. Kendall was facing away from them, waving a hand in their direction. "Go do your kissy crap somewhere else," he mumbled. James was pretty sure that's what he said, at least.

"' _Kissy crap_ '? Do you see what you did, James!" Logan huffed, pointing at Kendall, who was now sticking his head under his pillow.

James shrugged, then held his arm out again. "It's freezing, Logan. Just feel it."

"No!" Logan darted to the other side of the bed, apparently trying to escape. "If you want my bed just take it, James, whatever, I'm out of—"

He was mostly off of the bed when he was stopped by James's hand on his wrist. Logan froze, and for a second neither one of them said anything.

"See, isn't my hand cold?" James asked, and he was fighting down a grin but whatever happened this was so worth it. "I don't know if these blankets are going to be enough to warm me up."

When James had called 'game over' the night before he had meant it. He had meant it because he needed Logan's help then and he had to leave him alone to get it, but he had also meant it because he was done playing by those rules.

Starting today, touching Logan was no longer off-limits. In fact, if the light tremor that ran through Logan's body was any indication, James was pretty sure it was now a key strategic maneuver.

Although now James didn't know what else to say. He wanted to tug on Logan's wrist, wanted to pull him back into the bed but that probably would have been pushing things way too far, and what James definitely didn't want was a black eye. Especially with his audition coming up.

So instead he waited, breathless, and even from this angle he could see the wheels turning in Logan's mind, how he was trying to react to this situation logically instead of emotionally. James wondered what Logan was fighting; the urge to hit him, to yell at him, or to crawl back into bed with him?

James was so busy watching Logan's face he was startled by the touch on his hand. His eyes shot downward in time to see Logan gently but firmly pry each of James's fingers off of his wrist. James pouted a little as his hand was removed completely.

"Give me your glass," Logan said, his voice soft and a little unsteady, although he was obviously trying to sound no-nonsense.

"What?" James breathed. He didn't know why his own voice was sounding so weird. It wasn't like Logan had said anything remotely scandalous.

"You're not sleeping in my bed with a glass of orange juice. Drink it if you want it, and give me the glass."

James went for a last-ditch effort. "So you're not staying?"

"No." Logan moved the rest of the way off of the bed. He wasn't looking at James, but he held his hand out. "Glass."

James did as he was told, downing the rest of the juice and handing over the empty glass. This particular plan hadn't worked out as well as he would have liked, but at least he was getting some more sleep. "Wake me up in an hour, okay?" he said, settling down under the covers as Logan walked towards the door.

"Yeah," Logan said, and James wasn't sure what tone he was going for but all he sounded was distracted. Hopefully he wouldn't forget and let James oversleep.

After the door closed James snuggled his face into Logan's pillow, pulling the covers up around him as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The pillow smelled like Logan, which was weird because Logan didn't really _have_ a smell to speak of. At least not one that James had ever noticed before. He'd have to start paying a little more attention in the future, but for now he was going to enjoy his small victory. He closed his eyes.

"So, what exactly are you doing?"

That was Kendall, and apparently putting his pillow over his head hadn't helped things because he sounded way more awake than he had before.

"Getting an extra hour of sleep," James answered, turning over to face the wall.

"I mean with Logan."

"Um, sleeping in his bed? Logan's not even in here, dude."

"James." Kendall's tone was turning serious, but James really didn't want to discuss this with him. "What's your end game here?"

James thought about saying 'Sleeping,' but then he thought ignoring Kendall might be a more effective strategy than trying to piss him off. Ignoring Kendall had never actually worked in the past, so James wasn't really sure why he thought it would now, but it couldn't hurt to try, right?

"James. Answer me."

"There is no 'end game,' Kendall," James said with an irritated sigh. He was supposed to be _enjoying_ this win, but Kendall never did like it when James won anything. "Not everyone has a master plan all the time like you do. Step 1," he went on, holding up a finger for Kendall to see and mocking more than a little, "get into Logan's bed. Step 2—"

"Get into his pants?"

James's hand dropped back down as his mouth hung open in surprise. He really didn't know what he'd been about to say, but it wasn't _that_. "Maybe," he managed, not wanting to give Kendall the satisfaction of knowing he'd been caught off-guard. James hoped the way his voice cracked on the word was just his imagination.

"You do know if you hurt him Carlos and I are going to be really fucking pissed at you, right?"

"Hurt him?" James said, his mouth working faster than his brain as usual, and running with the interpretation of that statement most likely to make Kendall shut up. "I don't think I like you speculating about the details of mine and Logan's potential future sex life. If Logan wants to be adventurous—"

"God, James, _shut up_ ," Kendall said, sounding vaguely disturbed. James grinned at a mission accomplished. "You know that is not what I meant. If he starts having feelings for you—"

"He won't," James cut in, tired of this subject being brought up. "We're friends."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You know," James said, finally rolling back over to look at Kendall since apparently there would be no more sleeping this morning, "the friend zone."

Kendall quirked an eyebrow, which looked even funnier than usual because of the angle. "And _you_ know that's complete and utter crap, right?"

"No it's not," James insisted, propping his head up with one hand to look down his nose properly at Kendall. "It was in that one movie, and Lucy even said—"

" _Lucy_ ," Kendall interrupted, both eyebrows raised now, "just got out of a relationship, is trying to focus on her music, and probably didn't want to deal with the headache that is you and Carlos competing for a girl just because she's new. She said what she needed to say to get you guys to leave her the hell alone."

"You don't know what you're talking about," James huffed.

"And _you've_ never been in a real relationship," Kendall countered. "But Logan has. Sort of. And do you remember how he and Camille even started?" Kendall sat up, and James let him keep the height advantage because Logan's bed really was comfy.

"What do you mean?" James asked, trying to think back. "Like, how she used to smack him out of nowhere? Except sometimes she'd kiss him instead?"

Kendall nodded. "Well, I was talking more about the kissing part, but yeah. She liked him, and after she forced enough affection on him he started liking her back." James looked at the floor, processing this, but Kendall wasn't done yet. "Logan isn't you, James. He can't separate the physical stuff from the emotional stuff, and if you keep flirting with him all the time and he falls for you and you break his heart I think I'm going to have to kick your ass."

James's eyes shot back up to look at Kendall straight on, an unexpected anger rising in him. What the hell made _Kendall_ think he could lecture _James_ about _Logan_?

"Don't get pissed at me," Kendall said, a slight smile playing across his features. "I'm not trying to threaten you or anything—"

"Could've fooled me," James muttered.

"I'm not. I just—you know what, just forget it. Forget I said anything, James. You and Logan are big boys, you can figure this out on your own. I just—" He sighed. "Logan burned popcorn yesterday, James."

Confusion overrode James's anger, and he blinked at Kendall. "What does that have to do with anything? And wait a minute, Logan _never_ burns popcorn. He listed that as one of his 'special skills' on those fake resumes we had to make in middle school."

"I know, that's my point!" Kendall said, hand flying out in an exasperated gesture. "It was when you sent that pic of your date."

"Oh. Well, the guy was really hot, Logan probably just got distracted." There was something about that statement James didn't really like, but he was too busy trying to win whatever argument this was with Kendall to worry about it right now.

"I think it was more the message with the picture that distracted him, James."

"Message? What—oh," James said as he remembered. Then he started feeling really uncomfortable, because that whole thing had been…confusing.

Like, really seriously confusing. Because on the one hand, James was sort of flattered that Logan even cared. And on the other, he didn't want to make Logan sad. And on the other, why would it make Logan sad? And on the other, dating guys was new and exciting and James never would have admitted that the whole night, whenever he thought about the possibility that guys might expect or even want sex on the first date it made him all kinds of nervous and maybe just the tiniest bit freaked out.

And that was just way too many hands.

"Look," Kendall was saying, his voice a little softer now, "I know you and Logan have always sort of had your own thing, or at least you have for a long time, and I'm not trying to dictate how you interact, or whatever. And I know you're still not happy that he doesn't want to go public about liking boys—"

"That's his decision," James said quickly. Although James had been planning on telling Logan all about what he was missing out on.

"And I thought at first maybe that's the reason you were doing all of this, trying to force him into being more open, since I know you've always liked being in charge of Logan's romantic life—"

"What are you even talking about?"

"Come on, James, you've been responsible for practically every first date he's ever been on. I always thought it was kind of weird that you never seemed to want to help Carlos as much, but now that I know about that whole pact thing I guess it makes more sense."

"Okay, you've lost me. Can I just go to sleep now?" This was requiring way too much thinking, and James needed to conserve his brain energy to use later when Logan tried changing his mind once James told him what he needed help with.

"I mean—well, it's not important. What is important is for you to try thinking about how you would like it if it wasn't you. If it was just some random guy flirting with Logan constantly, making him flustered and uncomfortable, and not doing any of it because he actually wanted to date him, but just because…it was fun. How would you feel about that?"

And James _was_ thinking about it, so when Kendall asked the question there was no hesitation. "I'd want to kick his ass."

Kendall threw his hands up in the air. "Progress! So James? Don't make me want to kick your ass. Okay?"

James was feeling confused again, but this was still an argument so he ignored it. "You know Kendall, you keep saying you're going to stay out of it and then you keep threatening to not stay out of it."

Kendall blinked a couple times, and James let himself feel a little smug. "Well, you know…it's way too early to be awake on a Saturday."

"Progress!" James said, imitating Kendall but grinning widely. "Now if you'll excuse me I only have so much time left to enjoy napping in Logan's weirdly comfortable bed." He flopped back down on the pillow.

"I know, right?" Kendall said. "I mean, I thought we all had the exact same mattress but Logan's feels way nicer than the others."

"How do you know that?" James asked, eyes narrowed, not sure whether he should be confused or amused or…angry?

Kendall shrugged before falling back on his own pillow. "Sometimes I want to take a nap and there's crap all over my bed and—don't look at me like that," he said, eyebrow up. "You and Carlos switch beds all the time. And you know I've been in both of those, too."

"Yeah, when we first got the beds. Like almost two years ago."

"That's what you think," Kendall said with a smirk. Then he rolled over.

"What?" James asked, eyes wide. "Kendall, what are you talking about? …Kendall?"

 

* * * * * *

 

Logan was shaking by the time he got to the kitchen. It made him feel really, really stupid, but he couldn't help it. He set the glass down in the sink as carefully as he could manage before running into the bathroom and locking the door. On mornings where Logan was the first one up and about who wasn't deathly afraid of coffee makers he normally liked to start the coffee, but right now he just couldn't.

He grabbed the edge of the sink to try and steady himself, then caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Logan did a double-take, staring at it with wide—and surprisingly dark—eyes. He was flushed, his hair was a mess, and he looked—well, he looked like all of the vaguely dirty thoughts he'd been trying to ignore since James had basically asked if they could cuddle in bed together were written plainly across his face.

The shaking got worse.

Logan had been feeling increasingly out of control ever since the kiss, but this was beyond anything he should have to put up with. James had crossed a line, except Logan wasn't sure where that line was or when it had been crossed or even whether he actually minded that it had been.

But that couldn't be right, Logan knew. Because he had told Carlos weeks ago that he was pretty sure he didn't like James. And he'd been trying to confirm that since then, but James had been playing this little game with him and Logan had been allowing it and it was supposed to _stop_ when James finally got a date, but somehow, somehow, things were a million times worse now.

Because Logan couldn't stop thinking about it, about what would have happened if he'd stayed, if he'd given in to that pressure on his wrist and fallen back into the bed. If he'd curled up next to James, breathing him in and watching him from inches away as James drifted back to sleep.

That, at least, was better than the _other_ thoughts, the ones where James wasn't really wanting to sleep at all and after he had Logan back in the bed he held him close, kissing the corner of Logan's mouth until Logan couldn't take it anymore and turned to face him, and then they were a mess of lips and limbs and James's hands were all over Logan, from his ear to his neck to his hip and then back up, under Logan's shirt, and his hand was cold and Logan gasped and James laughed against his mouth and—

Logan turned the water on in the shower, a more difficult task than usual because he couldn't hold his damn hands still. Then he stripped clumsily, trying not to fall over as he got out of his pants and underwear, refusing to look down at himself the whole time. He was hot all over and when he stepped in the shower the water was so cold it stung but he didn't care. He wanted these images gone, he wanted James out of his head, and it was a damn good thing no one else was awake yet because when he was done ridding himself of these things he didn't want to be asked a single question about why the shower had been running for so long.

——

"You're auditioning for a role?" Logan was more than a little surprised; he never would have guessed _this_ was what James needed help with, but James just nodded.

It was a couple of hours later, and Logan was feeling like himself again. His…personal time in the shower had left him with a newfound sense of clarity. Everything made sense now, and Logan knew he could handle anything James threw at him just by thinking rationally.

Logan was attracted to James. It was as simple as that. James was tall and pretty and yeah, really hot, and there was no point in denying Logan had quite enjoyed their kiss. If Logan had to accept the fact that he was attracted to guys at all then he had to accept that James was a rather fine representation of their gender.

And there was nothing wrong with that. There were no rules against being physically attracted to your best friend. Especially when that best friend insisted on constantly using his pretty face and his perfect body to keep Logan off-balance, which probably _was_ against the rules but Logan's friends always had trouble with rules. Anyway, since they'd known each other James had been a source of occasional frustration for Logan; now he was a source of sexual frustration as well. If Logan had to take an extra shower sometimes or maybe lock himself in his closet every now and again to take care of that frustration then that's what he would do.

No big deal.

Logan had said before he needed to 'normalize' his and James's friendship again, and if this was the new 'normal', then…so be it.

The rest of the early morning had gone relatively smoothly. Logan started the coffee when he got out of the shower, and before long Mrs. Knight wandered in from the hallway, followed not long after by Katie. A cup of coffee and some morning chit-chat later and it was time to wake James up, which Logan was now confident he could actually do.

He'd found James sprawled across his bed like he owned it. With a smile and a shake of his head Logan reached down and jerked the pillow out from under James, then hit him softly with it.

"That's enough beauty sleep, James," Logan said, thumping him again for good measure. "Come on, I made coffee and Mrs. Knight is making breakfast."

The third time James was hit with the pillow he finally reacted, grabbing it out of Logan's hand and whacking him with it instead. "That is _not_ how I wanted to be woken up," he grumbled sleepily.

"Well you should be more specific next time," Logan countered, stepping back until he was out of James's reach. "Are you getting up now, Kendall?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at the sleeping form stretched out in the other bed.

"Go 'way," was the mangled reply.

"Logan, help me up," James whined, turning Logan's attention back towards him. James was holding an arm out, waving it pathetically at Logan.

"No chance," he replied immediately. "I don't want you pulling me into bed with you. Now come on, I thought you wanted me to help you with something this morning?"

James made a noise that was half disappointment and half aggravation, but he started pushing the covers off of him anyway. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

Later, once Carlos finally made his way downstairs to join them for breakfast he'd started bombarding James with questions about his date, and James seemed only too happy to oblige. The one thing Logan wanted to know James had already answered for him the night before, and he would have been perfectly fine not ever hearing any of the other details. But the way James kept giving him pointed looks as he talked about 'how much _fun_ ' everything had been led Logan to believe he would have been hearing it all one way or another.

Mrs. Knight, while seeming happy that James had enjoyed himself, also kept glancing over in Logan's direction. He smiled at her every time he noticed, trying to reassure her that yes, he was okay with not going on his own super-fun boy-dates, no, it was not bothering him to hear about James's super-fun boy-date, and especially that no, he did not want to go on a super-fun boy-date _with_ James. Because Logan wasn't sure which thing she was concerned about, so he wanted to cover all three.

Logan did take notice when Carlos asked if James was planning on going out with the guy again, and watched with mild curiosity as James thought about it. "Nah, I don't think so," he finally answered, taking another bite of his oatmeal. Logan smiled, not really surprised, but Carlos gaped at him and demanded to know why, if the evening had been so amazing.

James shrugged, and Logan pretty much knew what he was going to say before he said it. "Because that's just _one guy_ , Carlos. There are so many _other_ guys out there that I haven't gone out with yet. Why deprive them of the pleasure of my company?"

Carlos seemed to consider this before accepting it as a sound argument. Logan just laughed.

Eventually Kendall emerged from the hallway as well, and after a quick shower and a quicker breakfast he said he was going to enjoy his morning off by the pool. Carlos shoveled a few more spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth before hopping up to follow him, and then they were both gone. Katie had already disappeared somewhere, and after Logan and James helped Mrs. Knight clear the dishes she headed out herself to do…mom stuff, or something.

Which left Logan alone with James, but that was okay. Logan could handle this now. He did insist on both of them actually putting real, daytime clothes on before they got into whatever it was James was needing, and now they were back in the living room, sitting on the couch and facing each other.

And James wanted Logan to help him rehearse.

"You're auditioning for a role, and you want me to help you run lines?" Logan asked, trying to understand this situation but having some difficulties.

"Exactly," James said, nodding again. He was smiling, but he actually looked a little nervous to Logan.

"But…don't you have Camille for that sort of thing?"

James's eyes widened ever-so-slightly and then his face fell, and suddenly Logan realized what he'd just said.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that James, you know I'm over that!" he said hurriedly, feeling sort of terrible. That accidental kiss had been a whole year ago, and Logan had been over it not long after it happened in the first place. "I just mean, she's an actress, and you two are friends and all, so it makes sense—"

"She's busy," James cut in. "You should know that."

"I should?" He barely saw Camille as it was. He never knew what was going on in her life anymore. She hadn't even bothered to tell him when she landed that new role.

"Yeah, you two are—wait, what _are_ you two now?" James asked, looking a little concerned.

"What do you mean? We're friends. I mean, I guess. We haven't really talked much lately."

"Oh." Now James looked a little confused. "But, the day that Lucy moved in—"

"Yeah that," Logan interrupted, not meeting James's eyes. Camille's mysterious in-character appeal was…confusing, and embarrassing in hindsight, and Logan really didn't want to talk about it. "That, um. Is a long story. Which we don't have time for right now."

"…Okay. But, so, you're not like, into her again or anything?"

 _Not Camille, no. Now super-spy Milla, on the other hand…_ Logan coughed. "No. Definitely not into Camille at this point in time. But anyway, this whole building is full of actors, so why do you need _my_ help?"

James fidgeted a little, and Logan could see clearly now that he was nervous. It was kind of cute. "Well, I'm _not_ an actor. Not yet, and…I mean, with Camille it's not a big deal, because she _is_ my friend, and she's a good teacher, but with other people…" He shrugged. "And I've been trying to study, or whatever, I've been reading Camille's acting magazines, they're really pretty interesting. And the way she was talking about that movie she's gonna be in it seems like a lot of fun, so when she told me about this part on it—"

"Wait!" Logan nearly shouted, startling James into silence. "Wait…wait just a minute," Logan said more quietly, trying to appear calm. "Are you telling me that this role you're auditioning for is…is on _Spy High_?"

James gave Logan an apprehensive smile. "Yeah. It's not a big part or anything, but—"

"Oh God," Logan breathed, completely unaware he had said anything. His mind was being taken over by images of James-the-super-spy, long black trenchcoat and dark sunglasses and one of those cool hats Logan didn't know the name of. No wig, James never needed a wig, but he would have an accent. Yes, definitely an accent…and he would be smart and suave but a lone wolf, you know, spies can never get too attached to anyone. Their lives are too dangerous. And spy-James would constantly be in danger, infiltrating secret organizations and retrieving stolen technology and getting his clothes all ripped up taking down bad guys—

Logan was pulled out of his fantasizing by the soft touch of knuckles running down his cheek. "Logan?" a familiar voice said, and when his vision refocused there was James, too close but why was Logan supposed to care again?

"James," he said, voice so close to trembling it should have been embarrassing.

With a worried smile and his hand still touching Logan's face, James chose to ruin the moment entirely by saying, "Dude, you look like you're about to start drooling."

Logan blinked, jumped back on the couch and brought his hand up to rub at his mouth. "I was not!" he shot back, indignant.

James chuckled. "I don't guess you're going to tell me what you were thinking about?"

"You guess right," Logan answered, shaking his head to clear it.

"Hmm, I bet I _could_ guess, though," James continued, voice low.

Logan could feel himself blushing now. Maybe James could guess, maybe he couldn't, but Logan didn't want to find out either way. "Don't we have a scene to rehearse?"

Through James's babbling Logan had gathered that he wanted to do this with someone he was comfortable with, or someone who wouldn't judge his acting, or…something. Whatever the reason, it seemed like it was important to James that Logan be the one to help him.

Although Logan wasn't entirely sure he could make it through a whole scene with James in character as a spy.

"Right," James said, face brightening. "Here." He handed Logan one of the copies of the audition script, and Logan glanced at it to skim through the character descriptions at the beginning. Before he could get very far, James was talking again.

"Okay, so, you're going to be reading the part of the spy Felix, and I'm Oliver, a regular civilian—"

"Wait," Logan said again in mild surprise.

"Yeah I know, these names aren't great, Camille said sometimes they end up changing them before filming starts. I mean, they should at least give the spy dude a cool nickname, like…" James's eyes lit up, and Logan didn't have the heart to interrupt him. "Like 'Diamond.' That would be an awesome spy name! Man, I wish I was auditioning for that part, I'd totally get them to use it."

"So you're not auditioning to play a spy?" Logan asked. That was what he wanted to know anyway.

"Nope, this is just for a small supporting role. As a…non-spy."

"Ah." Relief and disappointment both flooded Logan, and he deftly ignored them both. "So who's playing this Felix guy, then?"

James shrugged. "Camille said she thinks they haven't made a final decision yet. Apparently they're having a lot of trouble casting it."

Logan cocked his head and watched James carefully. "So…why _aren't_ you trying for it? You just said you wished you were."

"Well…" James looked down at the script he was now rolling up between his hands. "I mean, it's a bigger role, I don't really have time for that right now with the band and all. And, you know, they'll want a real actor for that sort of part. They probably have guys in mind already, so... Camille said I should try for this small role, she said it would be perfect for me, and…" He shrugged. "I trust her."

Logan was feeling a good mix of emotions now. He had half a mind to call Camille right this instant and ask her what her problem was, telling James he should ever settle for less than what he wanted. But logically, she _was_ the one in the business, so maybe Logan should trust her too. Plus James was right, a decent role in a movie would take up a lot of time, and they were still working on the new album.

"James," Logan heard himself saying, and at least he managed not to return the earlier gesture and run the back of his hand along James's cheek. James looked up at the sound of his name, and Logan smiled. "You know if you really want that part you should go for it, right? The point of Big Time Rush isn't to hold you back from your dreams. We'd figure something out about the scheduling."

James gave him a brilliant grin, and Logan felt himself smiling back sort of stupidly in response. His heart was pounding insistently, but Logan could deal with that too.

"I can't," James finally said, still smiling. "I mean, Camille has been crazy busy already, and they haven't even started the main filming yet. There's so much promotional stuff to do and everything, and if _I_ was playing the part everyone would be wanting interviews with me and photo shoots and stuff." Logan laughed, but didn't bother saying anything. "But the album is the most important thing right now, no matter what. So yeah. A small role is good. It gets me some exposure, and that's good for the band, too, plus I can see what acting's really all about and if it's as great as Camille says it is. But, um…"

James faltered, and before Logan could react there was a hand brushing lightly against his face again. He tried to hold still, because he could _handle_ this, dammit.

"Thanks, Logan," James said, his smile soft.

"Right, sure, anytime, James," Logan stammered, the pounding in his chest now joined by a distracting but strangely pleasant fluttery feeling. "So, um, maybe later after we've rehearsed some we could switch, y'know, just for fun, so you can at least see what it's like to be a spy."

Logan was looking anywhere but at James while he said this, afraid making eye contact would reveal more than he wanted about his own interest in seeing his friend in that role. Which was totally not why he was suggesting it, of course. This was for James.

"Sounds awesome," James said. "Okay, so do you want to read the script over first, or just dive right in?"

"Um, yeah, let me skim it at least real quick," Logan said, glad for something to focus on. He could feel James watching him as he read, and it didn't take much skimming to realize why.

"James…" he said, very slowly, not looking up from his script.

"Yeah Logan?" There was a slight trepidation in James's voice.

"These characters…" Logan flipped to the next page and scanned it quickly, and yeah, he was definitely right. Another page, and Logan's eyes widened as he caught the stage instructions towards the bottom. "James!" he said again, looking his friend straight in his pretty, guilty, hopeful hazel eyes, "These characters are a _gay couple_!"

James smiled nonchalantly but his body had tensed, like he was ready to spring after Logan if he decided to bolt.

"Yeah. Is that a problem, Logan?"

And too late, Logan realized that just like that day three years ago James Diamond had sucked him into one more completely terrible idea.


	6. The Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Logan rehearse for James's audition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this chapter on the lovely [shisoueimin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/shisoueimin) has provided awesome beta services ♥

James watched Logan for his reaction, sure he was about to start sputtering or flailing or something equally entertaining. As long as he didn't try to leave.

"Is it—well it's—I don't know, I mean…" Logan stopped, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No, James," he said finally. "It's no problem at all."

Well that was slightly disappointing.

"Are you sure?" James prompted, eyebrows raised.

"Yep," he answered with a smile that didn't seem entirely forced, at least. "Although you're aware if you get this part it's going to make people ask you outright if you're gay?"

James shrugged. "That's going to happen sooner or later anyway. We had that band meeting about it, remember?"

"Yeah. I am kinda surprised they're having a gay spy character in the movie, though." Logan flipped back to the front of the script and seemed to be reading it again.

"Camille said she was all excited when she found out about it," James told him. "It is pretty cool, don't you think? And she kept going on about how they're not even being subtle about it. I mean, I don't know how far in the movie this scene is, but it's about him breaking up with his _boyfriend_ because the life of a spy is just too dangerous."

It was a good thing James was still watching Logan, because it meant he caught Logan's shudder at those words. And now James was intrigued, because combined with Logan's space-out earlier and the way he had been acting around Camille before it seemed…it really seemed like maybe Logan kind of had a thing for spies.

Which, if true, would just be all kinds of awesome.

James really did want to rehearse his own role, but he was determined now that by the end of the day he'd be taking Logan up on his offer and switching parts. Logan might be the smart, science-y one, but never let it be said that James Diamond can't get behind an interesting experiment every once in a while.

"So, um," Logan said, eyes still glued to his script, "I noticed there's a kiss in this scene."

"Which Camille was also really excited about," James said off-hand. "But it's not like we have to practice it over and over. We can run through the lines a few times first."

"Or we could just not practice it at all."

James stuck out his bottom lip. He knew Logan was going to try and fight him on this, so he was prepared for it. "But I have to, Logan. It's part of the scene. It's _important_. And you said you would help me."

A pause, followed by a resigned sigh meant James was one step closer to victory. "We'll worry about that later. Okay, so, the setting for this scene is a park, right?"

"Right," James confirmed, looking down at his own script for the details. "An empty park. At daybreak. Felix—that's you—has just returned from some secret mission, and he's asked Oliver to meet him there."

"Okay. Got it. I think." Logan nodded, but he sounded nervous.

"Relax," James told him soothingly, reaching out to pat Logan's knee. "It'll be fun."

"If you say so." Logan took a deep breath.

"Okay, are you ready?"

"No," he answered with a smile. "But I'm never going to be, so let's do this."

James smiled back. He wanted to touch Logan's cheek again, that had felt nice before, but he couldn't let himself get distracted. This really was important. "Well, it's your line first. Just read it naturally, we'll get through the whole thing once before we worry about any of the action."

Logan nodded again, and James could see him swallow hard before he cleared his throat. He was nervous and cute and putting himself through this for _James_ , and it made James feel sort of warm and fuzzy. He almost didn't notice when Logan actually started reading.

"…You're here," Logan said, voice way too tentative for the character, but he glanced up at James like he was waiting for approval and James wasn't about to deny him. So he grinned a little and nodded encouragingly, then looked down to read his own line.

"I got your message," he said, trying to sound worried and a little breathless, like he'd just run all the way to the park. "Where were you last night? I waited at the restaurant—" Logan was supposed to interrupt him there, but James figured it would take a few run-throughs to get the timing right.

"I know, I'm sorry," Logan said a second later, making a funny face at the script. "I couldn't make it, I…there's something I have to tell you, Oliver. I'm…a spy."

And then Logan dissolved into giggles.

James narrowed his eyes. "Okay, that is not very spy-like behavior, Mitchell."

"I know, I'm sorry," Logan said, but that just made him laugh twice as hard.

"Logan!"

"I can't help it, James, I just—I feel really really silly reading this."

"Look, man, we are _professionals_ —"

"Yeah, professional _singers_. And _you_ want to be an actor, I don't know the first thing about any of this."

James sighed, but he was _not_ letting Logan ruin this with his ridiculous use of logic. "Yeah, well, half of Kendall's plans involve some sort of acting, did you ever think about that? You've had plenty of experience."

"But I'm always bad at it. That's my point."

"You don't have to be _good_ , Logan, you just have to read the script without having any laughing fits. It's not that hard."

"Okay, okay, I'll try again." He sat up straight and cleared his throat again. "Are you ready?"

But James wasn't ready. He was thinking. Maybe a dry read wasn't the best way to start this off, and…maybe they should try a little harder to at least _act_ like professionals.

"You know what we need?" James said, looking at Logan with what he hoped was a sly grin.

"…What?" Logan asked, maybe a little apprehensive.

"A trip to wardrobe."

"Wardrobe? What are you—"

"Come on!" James said, excited now. He pulled Logan off of the couch and dragged him into the hallway, ignoring the protests along the way.

"James, where are we—your room? We're going to _your room_? Your _room_ is _wardrobe_? Since when?"

"Since forever," James answered matter-of-factly. He paused outside the room to wipe off whatever nonsense was on the dry erase board (an old gift from Kendall, in an attempt to make James and Carlos more aware of the things they needed to do…they preferred to use it to leave silly messages for each other) and wrote "WARDROBE" on it instead. "See?" he asked, pointing.

Logan rolled his eyes as James grinned at him. "Yes, James, how could I have missed that."

"No idea," James answered, opening the door and tugging Logan inside.

"I'm not going to let you dress me, James," Logan said once James let go of him.

"Oh yes you are."

"Most of your clothes won't even fit me."

"Some of them will. The tops at least. And we can check what Carlos has, and I'll go raid your closet too. Maybe even Kendall's, although…" He shook his head, rethinking that. "No, not Kendall's."

"I don't think any of us have any 'spy-appropriate' clothing," Logan tried instead.

James was already pulling clothes out of his closet and dresser. "Anything can be spy clothes, Logan. You just need to loosen up, have some fun with the character. Here," he said, throwing a shirt at Logan. "Put this on. I'm going downstairs. Don't leave!" he added, pointing a finger.

"I won't, fine, whatever," Logan said, rolling his eyes again. But James could tell he was trying not to smile.

——

An hour later they were both collapsed on the floor in James's room, laughing uncontrollably, surrounded by piles of clothing. They had been through the full scene several times, each time bringing a new change in wardrobe and new ridiculous interpretations of their characters.

Things had gotten out of hand pretty quickly.

"Wouldn't it make more sense for Bandanna Man to be the spy, though?" Logan asked, breathing heavily as he tried to stop laughing.

"Maybe he is," James said, shaking with giggles as he pulled the bandanna off of his head. "Maybe Oliver is really a spy too, but he's just more dedicated to the work so he won't admit it."

"Hey now," Logan said, pointing a finger at James. Except this time Felix had been a surfer-spy, so Logan was wearing a blond wig they'd found in the hall closet and some crazy Hawaiian shirt they'd found in a bottom corner of Logan's closet (he swore it wasn't his, and knowing Kendall James was inclined to believe him), making his attempts at a stern look not very effective.

"What?" James challenged, still peeling away at his costume. "Oliver could totally be a spy."

"Not that. You're saying Felix doesn't care about his work! What you _mean_ , though, is that Oliver just doesn't care enough about Felix to tell him the truth."

"That is so not fair!" James threw a bandanna at Logan. "Oliver totally loves Felix. _That's_ probably it. He loves him _too much_ to tell him the truth."

"Oh, so _now_ you're saying that Felix doesn't care about Oliver!" Logan tugged off the wig and tossed it at James. "Oooh, what now, Mr. Professional?" he said, wagging his eyebrows at James.

James just laughed, now free of purple bandannas, and fell back on the floor. He was having a great time. It hadn't been his plan for them to be this silly, but it was fun and had been good for something at least—getting Logan to relax. Not so much stop laughing, though, since that was pretty much all they'd been doing for the past hour.

They had done grand overly-dramatic readings of the parts, gone through at least three different accents each, and managed to fill in entire backstories for their characters that of course changed with each reading. And as it turned out, once he was allowed to treat it as a joke Logan wasn't all that bad at the whole acting thing. He hadn't gotten too embarrassed to continue even once.

The problem was, James wasn't sure at this point they'd be able to get serious enough to actually run through the scene properly. Which, okay, this was an awesome day whether they did or not, but James did need _some_ real practice. Plus, getting to kiss Logan again would only make the day better.

Their laughter had finally quieted down, and they both lounged in easy silence until Logan spoke again. "Okay, I guess it's time to find me some real undercover-spy clothes."

"Really?" James asked, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Logan.

Logan nodded, smiling. "Yeah, I think I can handle it now. I'll try to do it right this time. And it's getting late; we don't know when Gustavo's gonna want us at the studio."

"Okay," James said eagerly. He rolled back to jump straight up and land on his feet in what he knew was a most impressive manner. Logan had seen him do it before—hell, Logan could do it himself—but he still raised an eyebrow as James stepped over to help him up.

"Show-off," Logan said with a smile, taking James's outstretched hand and letting himself be pulled to his feet.

"I don't know what you're talking about," James said back, fighting a grin and losing. He held on to Logan after he got to his feet, and looked down at him curiously.

"What?" Logan said, visibly tense but not trying to get away.

"You're not freaking out anymore," James pointed out.

Logan gave a half-smile and looked away. "Yeah well. It wasn't making you stop, and it was making _me_ crazy, so. I'm giving acceptance a try. …Are you disappointed?"

"No." James shook his head. "Do you…do you want me to stop?" he asked, hesitantly. He had been too preoccupied all day to think about what Kendall had said that morning, but…maybe James _had_ been doing something wrong. Maybe what he was doing now, holding Logan's hand, not letting him go, maybe that was wrong, too.

Heart beating rapidly, James held his breath as he waited for Logan to answer. There was no answer, though, at least not at first, and James felt his arm lift all on its own, his hand releasing Logan's to reach up and stroke the side of his face gently. Logan's eyes fell closed, and there was that tremor again, the lightest shiver that James could just barely feel.

The urge to kiss him was so strong. James had been wanting to since that first kiss, and it was one of the two main goals of his plans for that day. But would it be okay to do it now? Logan wasn't moving away, and he was letting James touch his face. Again. What if he just leaned in, and—

"We have a scene to do," Logan said, his voice seeming louder than it was. He stepped back and James let him go.

"Right," James said, feeling like Logan had taken all the air in the room with him. He shook himself, not even caring how dumb he looked. "Clothes. You need clothes." He tried taking a deep breath but it wasn't that easy.

"Yeah, I don't think I can try to be serious in this shirt," Logan said with a chuckle.

"Well you could just take it off," James said before he could stop himself.

Logan just laughed again. It was _weird_ , this 'acceptance' thing Logan was trying. James might have to up his game if he wanted to get a decent reaction out of Logan again, but that could wait until later. For now he was kind of enjoying getting to touch and be close without Logan having a stroke over it, and of course there was also the kiss to worry about. James was getting his kiss, dammit, so it was probably a good idea to keep Logan calm for now.

James had already figured out what Logan should wear for the real scene. When rifling through Logan's clothes he first found Logan's 'swagger jeans,' which would probably have worked but James was a little too afraid of them to try. Instead James went with some pants he had picked out himself for Logan during a shopping trip a while back, after James insisted they all get new clothes for a performance they were doing. They were dark grey jeans, fitted but not too tight, casually stylish with some manufactured rips and tears that Logan had complained about at the time. But it was totally something a teenage spy would wear, especially one who had just returned from a dangerous mission.

As for the rest, well. James was dipping into two categories of his own clothing for that: the extra-special-occasion stash, and the done-for-but-can't-part-with-yet pile. He searched through the latter and found the smallest plain shirt he could, an old white T-shirt that had been a little too tight and ripped when James tried to wear it the first time. That had been a sad day.

After saying a silent thank-you to the shirt for sacrificing its life in this noble manner, James gritted his teeth and ripped another tear, and then a third.

"What are you _doing_?" Logan asked from behind him, sounding shocked.

"Felix was out all night on a mission," James explained, heading for his closet to look through the few pieces of clothing that hadn't been pulled out because they were just too precious. "He was on his way to dinner with his boyfriend, and got pulled into a high-stakes international incident. Or whatever. He was dressed up for his date, but he made sure to take off his nice shirt before getting into any scuffles." It didn't take James long to find what he was looking for, and he picked up the hanger carefully. When he turned around, Logan was giving him an amused look.

"You've decided that Felix is the type of spy to care about whether he gets his shirt messed up?"

"When it was a gift from his boyfriend, yeah." James nodded.

"…Oh." Now Logan's expression was unreadable, and something about it made James self-conscious. He shifted a little before stepping forward to hand Logan the clothes.

"Here. Oh, and these jeans," he added, turning to the pile of Logan's clothes on the bottom bunk bed.

"This is…a really nice shirt, wow James," Logan said, sounding appropriately in awe.

"Yeah," James agreed, pleased that Logan realized it. He held the jeans out and Logan took them. "Be careful with it, okay?"

"Yeah, of course…are you sure it's okay for me to wear it?"

James nodded and smiled. "I trust you."

Logan blushed a little, and this time when James felt like ruffling his hair he didn't stop himself. After a second Logan ducked away. "Well, I'm gonna go change in my room…I'll meet you downstairs in a little while?"

"Are we doing the scene in the living room?"

"Well, you can't rehearse a serious scene in wardrobe, can you?" Logan said with an expression that was somewhere between sly and flirty, and suddenly James couldn't remember how to speak. So he just shook his head.

"So I'll see you down there, then?" Logan asked, and James nodded. Logan smiled slightly in confusion, but he didn't press the issue. "Okay then." He turned and started walking away. "Maybe I'll just leave this Hawaiian shirt out on Kendall's bed…" James heard him say with a chuckle as he closed the door on his way out.

The sound of the closing door seemed to bring James back to his senses. Or maybe it was just because Logan was out of the room? Either way James bounded to the door, flung it open and called out "Hey, don't button that shirt!"

Logan paused on his way down the steps to turn and look back at James, eyebrow raised. "Why? Are you afraid I'm going to pop a button?" He said it teasingly, but there was real worry in his eyes.

"No, no," James said. That hadn't even occurred to him…and he wasn't going to let the possibility bother him now. "But I ripped up that undershirt just so you could look like you'd been in a fight, don't you dare cover it up."

Logan laughed. "Okay, I won't." He started back down the stairs.

When James thought for a second longer, though, he changed his mind. "One button," he said, making Logan turn around again.

"You're going to make me fall down the stairs if you keep this up," Logan chided.

"Sorry. But yeah, do one button. Just one," he warned. "We'll see how that looks."

"Roger, Mr. Costume Designer, sir." Logan started to salute him with the hand holding the shirt hanger, but seemed to think better of it on the way.

"You're going to make _yourself_ fall down the stairs," James pointed out. "Be careful."

"Yeah, I got it, can't mess up the shirt by tumbling down the steps."

"Well, not just the shirt. I can't exactly do this scene without my spy." He grinned down at Logan.

"I'm going now," Logan said, shaking his head but grinning back all the same.

James stepped back into his room, closed the door and turned his attention at last to his own outfit.

——

When he made it downstairs some time later he found Logan sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter, chatting and laughing with Mrs. Knight. James felt another vague sense of disappointment like he had early that morning, but this one wasn't mysterious—he wanted to be alone with Logan for this rehearsal. There was no way Logan would kiss him otherwise.

"Oh, and James is all dressed up too!" Mrs. Knight was looking at James and smiling. "You boys are taking this rehearsal thing pretty seriously."

"I filled her in on the audition," Logan explained, turning to James with a smile before quirking an eyebrow. "I had to explain this outfit, and all…" He trailed off, but James didn't really notice because he was too busy staring.

With Logan sitting down James knew he wasn't getting the full effect, but it was still… _ridiculous_ how good Logan looked. The guys all had their own personal styles so they rarely swapped clothes, and for the first time in his life James was glad Logan didn't know how to dress himself. Because he couldn't handle Logan looking like _that_ all the time.

To be fair, he was wearing one of the best shirts James owned, a blue dress shirt that struck just the right balance between dressy-hot and casual-sexy. But…Logan was hot anyway, had been for a while now, whether he was wearing some silly sweater-vest or a decent outfit picked out for a photo shoot. So while James might have been tempted to blame it entirely on the shirt, he knew better.

And the shirt _fit_. James had been sure it would be a bit too big but it didn't look that way to him. The sleeves were rolled up so you couldn't even tell if they were too long and it looked perfect. _Logan_ looked perfect. That torn undershirt definitely gave the intended effect, and had he even tried to muss up his hair?

"…Boys?"

James blinked at the sound of Mrs. Knight's voice, and realized he and Logan had both been silently studying each other. Logan coughed, embarrassed. "So that's what you think Oliver would be wearing?" he asked, not quite looking at James.

"Yeah," James said, switching gears immediately as he strode up to lean on the counter. "I figure, you know, he'd been worried all night, so he probably didn't get much sleep, and just threw on whatever he could find when he finally heard from Felix and then rushed out the door." So James was just wearing a pair of older jeans, one of the black tanks he liked to sleep in and a lightweight jacket he couldn't remember touching in the entire time they'd been in L.A. For all he knew it belonged to Carlos.

In other words, James wasn't 'dressed up' by any means. But he _was_ dressed for his character, and he was proud of that. "See?" he asked Logan, pointing at his own head. "My hair's not even perfect. How professional am I?"

Logan laughed. "Very. I'm impressed."

"Me too," James admitted. "You totally look like a spy. I knew those clothes would work, although I'm surprised the shirt fits so well."

"Oh, that," Logan said, beaming but somehow looking a little unsure at the same time. "That's all Mrs. Knight," he said, nodding in her direction.

"What? How?" James asked, turning his head to look at her. She was leaning back against another counter with a mug in her hand, watching them with a smile.

"Oh, it's nothing. Actually I probably should have asked you first, James, since that's such a nice shirt, but when Logan walked out here and told me what you guys were up to I wanted to help. He was afraid to even roll the sleeves up, but I promised him it wouldn't hurt the fabric."

"…You were afraid to roll up the sleeves?" James asked Logan, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Well I didn't want to mess anything up!" he answered, looking sheepish. "But anyway, she said it needed to look more fitted, but obviously we couldn't use safety pins, so she went and found this, like, weird magnet thing and…well, just look." He turned halfway around in the seat and pointed to his back.

James leaned in a little to get a better look, then his eyes widened. The fabric was gathered in the back, and held together by…well, a 'weird magnet thing,' apparently. "That's amazing!" James exclaimed, turning to Mrs. Knight excitedly before being struck by a horrific thought. "Wait, it's not going to pull it or tear it or put weird ripples in it or anything, right?"

Mrs. Knight stepped forward and patted James on the shoulder. "No, it should be perfectly safe. Logan's afraid to move in the shirt now, but like I told him I've used that tons of times and never had a problem before. Good luck with your scene, guys."

"Where are you going?" James asked, hoping that sounded like an innocently curious question and not like he was making sure she wasn't going to be back anytime soon.

"To drink my tea, read, nap. Logan said you wanted to rehearse without an audience, so I'll leave you to it. Then we'll all have lunch before you boys have to head to the studio."

"Thanks, Mrs. Knight," Logan said as she headed towards the hallway.

"Yeah, thanks!" James called after her as well.

When she was gone James resumed staring at Logan, until Logan raised an eyebrow at him. "What? Is it my hair? It was already a mess from that wig but I was trying for…I don't know, sort of a 'rough-and-tumble' look, I guess. But my hair's impossible."

"No, it's not that. Well, not just that. You look really really good, Logan. My clothes suit you," he added with a wink, unable to resist that opportunity.

Logan blushed. "Um, thanks. You look…different."

"That's because I'm not James Diamond, I'm Oliver…um, well I guess he doesn't have a last name. But come on, stand up, I want to admire my handiwork." He scooted around the edge of the counter and held out his hand, both surprised and a bit delighted when Logan took it, letting James pull him up again.

Once again James didn't let go right away. But he kept Logan at arms' length this time, scanning him from head to toe. "Damn, Logan, you even put nice shoes on. I was so right about the one-button thing, too. And I did a _fantastic_ job with that undershirt." James shook his head. "If I thought you were actually capable of wiping that smile off your face I'd say _you_ should be trying out for this part."

Logan laughed, and James let his hand fall. "Yeah, the best costume designer in the world can't make me a decent actor."

James grinned, not sure if that was intended as a compliment but taking it as one anyway. "Oh hey, I brought you something else," he said, suddenly remembering. "Not that you seem to need it, you look perfect as it is, but…" He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a narrow, steel-grey tie, unrolled it and handed it to Logan.

"I just bought it last night, so I forgot I even had it," James explained. "And…well, I'm not sure how it would even work, since you are _not_ buttoning that shirt up anymore, but…" He shrugged. "Maybe Felix wasn't wearing a tie."

"It's nice," Logan said, his voice a little quiet as he looked at the tie in his hands. "And it really goes with the outfit, huh?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have brought it down here if it didn't. Hmm…" He looked at Logan carefully, considering. "Let's try something." He stepped towards Logan and took the tie back from him, not wanting to give up on it quite yet.

"Hey," Logan said, holding surprisingly still as James acted every bit the costume designer, draping the tie around his neck and stepping back to reexamine, then moving in again to try it a different way. "I'm glad you had fun last night. I told you you didn't need to be nervous."

"Yeah, and you were right as usual," James said, tying the tie loosely around Logan's neck and then debating whether that looked really cool or just silly.

He caught Logan's smile, and then James's hand was acting on its own again. His thumb pressed against the corner of that smile, his other fingers splayed lightly across Logan's cheek, and he tilted Logan's face until their eyes met.

"I kind of hate that you're missing out on that sort of fun, you know," James said. "I mean, the whole point of the pact was for us to be in this together, and now I don't even get to help you ask out a guy or force you on double dates that you'd gripe about but thank me for afterward. It sucks."

Logan's eyes were soft, and James could feel the movement under his thumb when Logan spoke. "I know, I'm sorry," he said, voice quiet and serious.

Then he blinked twice before cracking up laughing.

It took James a second to realize what had just happened and then he was laughing too. He swatted Logan's cheek playfully. "Dude, you have got to stop doing that!"

"I know!" Logan said, backing up to lean against the counter, face red from laughter. "…I'm sorry!"

"You are _hopeless_ ," James said, shaking his head and still grinning in spite of himself. "And you even said it perfect that time, too!"

"…I did?" Logan asked, his tone and expression changed in an instant.

James nodded. "You can do this, Logan, you just have to…forget you're you, for a few minutes. Connect with your inner super-spy." He grinned, then added, "Or your inner heartbreaker."

Logan looked like he was considering that for a second, before pushing away from the counter. "Come on, we don't want Kendall or Carlos walking in on the middle of this scene, we'll never hear the end of it. Oh hey, so what about the tie? Is it okay?"

"No," James said, shaking his head. "It looks good, but…it looks staged. It wouldn't make any sense for someone to take that shirt off but leave the tie on for a fight, and it wouldn't make any sense to put the tie back on without buttoning the shirt all the way. So stick it in your pocket instead, so the audience knows you were wearing it before the night went to hell."

"Wow," Logan said, blinking. His hands went up to undo the tie. "You really _are_ taking all of this seriously."

James grinned. "Well, that's what happens when you have Camille as an acting coach. Everything I know I've learned from her and those magazines she's letting me borrow."

"Well I am impressed," Logan said, carefully stuffing the tie in his pocket so it hung out a little. "Okay. Are you ready to do this, Oliver?"

"Ready when you are, Felix." James grabbed his script off of the counter; he hoped he wouldn't need it, but this _was_ the first time they were rehearsing seriously.

"Oh hey," Logan said as he reached for his own script, "I was thinking maybe I should wear sunglasses? You know, spies wear them all the time."

"Um, no, not a good idea," James said immediately, shaking his head. "I mean, you know, you shouldn't hide your eyes when you're breaking up with someone, it's just insensitive."

"…You're still afraid of my swagger, aren't you?" Logan asked, clearly amused.

"I just…don't want to take any chances, that's all."

"Yeah, sure. Go sit on the couch, Oliver."

"What?" James asked, confused. "Why?"

"Well, I was thinking," Logan started off, voice a little hesitant. "You're…really tall."

"Why yes I am, thank you for noticing."

"Shut it," Logan said, apparently thinking James had been teasing. He wasn't. "I mean, with the way that this scene plays out…you remember the run-through earlier where you were zen-master-Oliver and you insisted on sitting on a pile of _my_ clothes on the bed the whole time?"

"Those weren't clothes, it was my oasis of meditation."

"Right, whatever that means. So you remember it?"

"I remember you refused to do the scene until I put a shirt on."

Logan rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. James grinned, satisfied that he could still get _some_ sort of a reaction out of Logan. "My _point_ is, it seemed to me that certain parts of the scene flow a little better when I'm taller than you."

"Oh." James thought about that for a second. "You think I'm too tall for the role?"

"No, it's not that at all. I just feel like Felix is the one 'in charge,' more or less, in this scene and…" Logan shrugged. "Maybe I'm just not a good enough actor to pull that off with you looming over me."

"…Do I intimidate you, Logan?" James asked, voice going deep and cocky.

"You wish. Forget it, stand up. You're the actor here."

"Well, it's just that I can't imagine Oliver sitting still while Felix says these things to him. You know?"

"Yeah, I guess you have a point. Okay, forget I said anything. Now seriously, we need to hurry."

"So bossy. Where do you want me, Mr. Director?"

"Stand there," Logan said, pointing at a spot right in front of the couch. "And shut up." James raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, watching as Logan walked over to the doorway that led to the hall.

"Oh, and James?" Logan asked as he turned around in place.

"Yeah?"

"…Don't laugh at me, okay?"

James smiled reassuringly. "I won't. As long as you don't, at least."

"Right," Logan said, returning the smile. "Okay. Here goes."

 

* * * * * *

 

Logan took a deep breath. He really wasn't ready for this, but messing around with the scene and the characters for an hour had helped take the edge off of his nerves and made him more comfortable with the lines. If he could manage not to start giggling again he was pretty sure he could at least get through most of it.

Not the kiss, though. James was going to pout and whine and try to guilt Logan into it when he skipped it, but there was no way Logan was kissing James again. It had 'Bad Idea' written all over it, and Logan was trying to pay attention to those glaring warning signs now.

…Which didn't exactly explain why he'd been letting James touch his face over and over that morning, but he really was trying to just accept James's…okay, _flirtations_ , without freaking out over them. And anyway it wasn't like James being touchy was something new in the last few weeks, which made it hard for Logan to remember what was supposed to be 'allowed' touching and what wasn't. Before their kiss, would Logan have minded James touching his face? …Did he really mind it now?

Logan should probably know the answer to those.

Eyes closed, Logan let out his breath slowly. He could do this. He could be Felix the Spy. For James.

When he opened his eyes Logan saw James, standing in front of the couch where he'd left him. Except now James wasn't looking at him, he was looking down at his phone and then glancing left and right, worried expression on his face.

He was _in character_ , and it was just about the cutest thing Logan had ever seen.

 _Inner spy, Logan_ , he tried to remind himself. _Inner heartbreaker. That's Oliver over there, that's your boyfriend, he's been worried sick about you all night and now you have to go tell him he can't be a part of your life anymore._

It made Logan feel bad, and then he realized that was sort of exactly how he needed to feel. Maybe he was ready now.

He strode forward, fighting down the butterflies in his stomach and trying to resist the urge to hold his script in front of his face. He didn't need it for this part.

"You're here," he said, and his voice didn't sound right but he didn't have time to focus on that, because James was turning to him and wow, scratch that, _Oliver_ was turning to him.

"I got your message," James said, relief and panic mixed in his voice. He was clutching his phone like it was the only thing keeping him standing. "Where were you last night? I waited at the restaurant—"

"I know, I'm sorry," Logan cut in, and with James looking at him like that the line just wasn't so funny anymore. "I couldn't make it, I…" He took a breath. This part was hard to say because it was ridiculous, but he tried to play it off as being hard to say for another reason. "There's something I have to tell you, Oliver. I'm…a spy."

Confusion crept into James's eyes. "What do you mean, Felix, I don't understand…"

Logan remembered to look around furtively like it said in the script. "I know you don't. You can't, and I can't explain it to you. Not all of it. I shouldn't even be telling you this much, but I thought, after everything…I owe you an explanation."

"An explanation? For why you missed our date?" James's eyes were searching, roving over Logan, and suddenly they went wide. Logan was about to ask him what was wrong when he remembered oh right, James wasn't James right now. "Felix, you look like you've been in a fight! Are you hurt?"

And then James's hands were on Logan, feeling his arms, his chest. That was _not_ in the script, but James had done it a couple times in their fake rehearsals. Except then Logan had just laughed and swatted him away, which he couldn't do right now.

"I'm alright, I'm not hurt," Logan said, trying to sound soothing. He grabbed James's hands and held them still, the script now tucked under one arm. Hopefully he wouldn't need it for the next few lines. "Look, we don't have much time, and I need to tell you some things before I leave."

"Leave?" James overdid it a little on that one, he sounded just a little too sad and desperate, but Logan felt a pain in his chest at the word anyway. Like it was really _his_ fault James sounded that way.

"Listen to me, Oliver," Logan said, and when he did he realized two things: one, he couldn't remember the next part, and two, looking up at James was just not going to cut it anymore. He let go of James's hands and settled his own on James's shoulders, then walked James backward half a step and gently pushed him into sitting on the couch.

James seemed a little surprised but even that could have been the character. He looked up at Logan with sad, confused eyes and Logan found he was glad to turn away and glance at his script for a second.

"I'm a covert operative," Logan said, looking back at James after refreshing his memory. "I have been since before I ever met you. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with you, there is too much uncertainty in my life and I just can't put civilians at risk, but…" He allowed himself a small smile, though his gaze had drifted downward so he wasn't looking James in the eyes anymore. This line was also a little ridiculous. "From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to have to break a few rules. It was—no, I won't say it was a mistake. I'll never think of you that way."

He looked up again, and the expression on James's face was different now. Less sad, no less confused, with worry thrown in, and…something else Logan couldn't name.

Logan felt James's cheek under his hand before he even realized his hand had moved. "But I have to go now," he whispered. He brushed his fingertips lightly against James's skin. "Last night showed me. If I can't even keep a dinner date…if I keep you waiting and worrying while I have a job to do…" Logan turned his hand around to run his knuckles along James's face, from his temple to his chin and back again. "Then I don't deserve to be a part of your life. I know you probably don't believe any of this…"

"I believe you," James breathed, reaching up to hold Logan's hand against his cheek. "I just don't care. I…I don't like the idea of you being in danger," he said, shutting his eyes and squeezing Logan's hand, and was that feeling Logan's heart breaking? "But I don't care if you miss a date sometimes. Don't leave, Felix. Please."

James's eyes were open again, pleading, and Logan had no idea where his next line went because he certainly couldn't find it in his brain. Another quick look at his script—and quick break from James's expression—and he continued, though his voice was not exactly full of the confidence and suaveness expected from a super spy.

"It's more than that. More than just missing dinner. If something ever happened to me you could never know. And…if something ever happened to you, and if it was my fault…" Logan shook his head. Which was in the script, but he probably would have done it anyway. "That's not a chance I can take. I have to leave, now, before…before I start making stupid decisions and putting us both at risk. Please try to understand at least that."

James was still pressing Logan's hand against his face. "I'm never going to see you again, am I?" he said, voice soft, sad, and resigned. And Logan had been wrong before because no, _that_ would be his heart breaking, right now. He was really ready for this whole rehearsal thing to be done so he could see James smile again.

Logan took a deep breath, which wasn't exactly in character but it was the only way he'd be able to get through this. "If you do, you won't know it's me," he said, trying to give a half-smile but failing spectacularly. "But I promise you…I will never forget you. Ever."

"Me either," James said, finally letting go of Logan's hand. "Felix, I wish…"

"I know," Logan said, and while James was done with his hand apparently his hand wasn't done with James, because now it was running fingers through James's hair. "I do, too."

Logan didn't have to look at his script to know what came next. Something told him—maybe it was a flash in James's eyes, maybe it was a slight tensing-up that Logan could feel through his fingertips, he wasn't sure—that James had every intention of making this kiss happen, if that meant he had to grab hold of Logan and break character entirely until he had whittled down his resistance. But Logan couldn't let that happen.

No, scratch that. _Felix_ couldn't let it happen. This was Felix's moment, and James wasn't about to steal it from him.

Logan's hand slid back down to James's chin, and with the light touch of two fingers tilted it upward. He put his other hand on James's shoulder for balance, then leaned over and kissed James.

It was supposed to last a few seconds. It was supposed to be poignant, a brief but meaningful goodbye kiss, and then Logan was supposed to say his final line and turn and walk away.

But now Logan was kissing James, and his brain no longer recognized silly phrases like 'supposed to.' Or 'terrible idea.'

To James's credit, it was entirely Logan's fault the kiss didn't end when it should have. James wasn't pulling or tugging or holding him there; he wasn't touching Logan at all except with his lips. But that was enough—or maybe _not_ enough, because Logan definitely wanted more.

Ten seconds into the kiss Logan pushed his lips hard against James's, opening his mouth and waiting for James's tongue to find its way in. James got the idea right away and—oh yes, this felt just as good this time as it had before, Logan wasn't misremembering it at _all_. There was a hand on Logan's face now, fingertips running lightly down his cheek, his jawline, his neck, and was James undoing the button on the shirt?

That question was answered a second later as two warm hands gripped Logan's sides through his t-shirt, sending a shudder throughout his body. And that noise must have been Logan too, because James was smiling against his mouth now, like this was exactly what he wanted and for whatever reason that made Logan feel like he had something to prove.

The hand that started off at James's chin had fallen to his chest by now, and Logan flattened it out and pushed. James broke the kiss for just a second, maybe thinking Logan was trying to push him away but Logan followed, not even opening his eyes as he pressed their mouths together again hard. And he kept pushing against James's chest, insistently, until finally it clicked and James leaned back against the couch, his grip on Logan's sides tightening as he went.

Logan almost lost his balance then, now needing both arms out to support his weight against the back of the couch. That made his angle all kinds of awkward and he knew James thought so too, could tell James wanted him closer, much closer. James wanted to pull Logan down on top of him, Logan could feel that clearly through the restrained pressure on his sides, and why James wasn't trying was anyone's guess. Maybe he thought that would be too much, would make Logan stop kissing him.

But Logan's arms were getting tired, and he wasn't ready to stop kissing yet so he brought his left knee up on the couch, taking some of the weight off of his arms. He settled his right leg in-between James's knees and then long arms were wrapping around Logan's waist, trying to pull him in even closer.

And all the while, their lips were moving together like this wasn't only their second kiss, like this was something practiced but not yet perfected. Logan had shared dozens of kisses with Camille, but with James he felt like he knew what he was doing in a way he never had with her. Maybe it was because James was a guy, maybe it was just because he was James—these were familiar questions, but Logan was no nearer to finding answers for them than he'd ever been.

He was, however, a little nearer to giving in and pulling his other leg up to straddle James's lap. "Logan," James whined softly, muffled against Logan's mouth, and Logan smirked because yeah, he definitely knew what he was doing here. James was still tugging at his waist, still wanting him closer, so much closer, but Logan wasn't going to give him what he was asking for just yet. Instead he turned his head and kissed the corner of James's mouth, then down along his jawline till he reached his neck, lips brushing lightly against the skin above James's collarbone.

And now James was the one shuddering, the one making little noises and he was lifting and twisting his chin, stretching his neck to give Logan better access. Logan took his time, ignoring the strain on his arms as he held himself up and instead focusing on the hands grabbing at his t-shirt— _James's_ t-shirt, really—and the way James was whining, nearly whimpering impatiently at him. But Logan didn't want to leave a mark, somewhere in his James-addled brain that thought still stuck; so he wasn't biting or sucking or even kissing hard, mostly just trailing his lips and tongue lightly across sensitive skin, and apparently driving James crazy.

"Logan," James said again, his impatience coming across as a warning now but Logan wasn't letting James dictate this, no way. He moved back up, his hands each sliding under James's jacket in turn to pin his shoulders against the couch as Logan kissed him again, lips pressing hard and tongue taking over James's mouth. Hands ran up Logan's sides and chest to grasp either side of his neck, holding him in place as James pushed back forcefully with his own lips and tongue, and maybe things were starting to get a little sloppy but Logan didn't care, this was _so much fun_ , this whole morning had been amazing, and why weren't he and James doing this sort of thing more often?

A hand worked its way back down to the hemline of Logan's t-shirt, and Logan had just enough time to wonder what James was planning before he felt a sharp tug on his belt loop jerking him forward slightly. Logan grinned, impressed that James would be so brave with his own bottom lip currently caught in Logan's teeth. He let go, kissing James fully on the mouth as Logan shifted his weight a bit until he could work his right leg out around James's left. James let out a moan that sounded more like a whimper, obviously aware he was finally getting what he wanted while tugging insistently on Logan's belt loop to try and speed along the process.

And then two conveniently forgotten answers to Logan's question walked in the door.

"Carlos, I am telling you, there is no way that's even possi— _WHOA_ what the hell is this?!"

Logan's right leg was halfway up on the couch when he froze at Kendall's shout. A familiar, sickening sort of horrific embarrassment shot through him, consuming him entirely and he and James shared matching ' _oh shit_ ' looks before Logan was launching himself backwards, flailing and stumbling before tripping against the coffee table and falling hard on the floor.


	7. The Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's hurt, James feels guilty, Kendall & Carlos are understandably confused.

It sounded like James was saying something but Logan's head was fuzzy beyond belief, the combination of arousal and guilt and embarrassment and oh yeah, _pain_ just way too much for him to handle. He felt himself being lifted and then he was laying on the couch, and someone—that was James, Logan couldn't really see him clearly at the moment but he knew it was him—was crouched next to him, and Logan could make out his own name, and something that sounded like 'Are you okay?'

And then there was a mix of voices, and faces, and then James was gone—Logan didn't like that, he tried to grab at him but that didn't work too well at all—and then there was something cold under Logan's head, and was that Mrs. Knight?

As bits and pieces of Logan's brain started coming back to him he was afraid he might have a concussion, which would suck because he might have to go to the hospital, and wasn't he supposed to be at the studio soon? Although a more immediate worry was the fact that behind the haze Logan still felt really turned on, and he was currently sprawled out on a couch with his three best friends and probably a mom staring at him. Hopefully they were all just staring at his face.

"Logan, honey, are you alright? Can you hear me?"

That was definitely Mrs. Knight, and hey Logan could understand her now, awesome. He nodded, the movement causing pain to throb against his skull and Logan groaned, lifting a hand to rub at the back of his head.

"I am _so_ sorry Logan, I did not mean to make you freak out like that—"

"Shh, Kendall, you can apologize later," Mrs. Knight said softly. Logan was thankful, because Kendall was sort of really loud.

Logan blinked as he realized his vision was clearing, and there was Mrs. Knight kneeling next to him, and Kendall behind the couch, looking down at Logan with an expression that clearly said he thought he was the worst friend in the world. Logan should probably tell him it was okay, but uh…he could do that later. When his head didn't hurt so damn bad.

And Carlos was standing next to Kendall, hands gripping the back of the couch and looking almost comically worried. Logan wanted to smile at him, wanted to reassure him, but the smile turned into a frown because where was James? Did he run off and hide in his own embarrassment? No, that didn't make any sense, James probably wasn't embarrassed at all that they'd been caught. Again.

Then Logan felt a hand brush his own where it had stilled against his head. He tried to crane his neck around to look behind him, but Mrs. Knight stopped him with the back of her hand gentle against his cheek.

"Just hold still, honey," she said, her voice soothing. "That's James back there. Everyone's here, and you're gonna be fine, okay?" She squeezed his shoulder, but that made him wince in pain. "Ah I'm sorry! Did you hit your shoulder when you fell too?"

"No idea," Logan managed, although he was pretty sure she wasn't actually expecting an answer.

"Logan!" That was James, his voice not exactly as quiet as it could have been, and suddenly there were worried hazel eyes about six inches from Logan's face. "You're talking again! Are you okay? I saw you fall and I couldn't get to you in time, I'm so sorry Logan—"

"Shh!" Mrs. Knight said again, not quite as patiently this time. "He has a headache, James, keep your voice down! And you can apologize later, too!" Logan was impressed with her ability to whisper-yell.

"Sorry," James whispered back, but he didn't move out of Logan's line of vision.

Logan narrowed his eyes. "This is all your fault," he mumbled, but as he said it he realized he wasn't capable yet of the teasing tone he'd been going for.

So now James was looking utterly horrified, and Logan was torn between fresh guilt and welcome amusement. When his chuckles came out more like sobs he thought James was going to have some sort of panic attack right then and there.

Logan exerted a considerable amount of willpower to reach a hand up and poke James in the cheek. "Joke," he said simply, before letting his hand fall again. He closed his eyes, and focused on taking a deep breath. "My own fault," he breathed out.

"It wasn't anyone's fault, Logan," Mrs. Knight told him. "Do you think you're okay to sit up now? If you have a concussion I don't want you falling asleep."

He nodded, eyes still closed. He was beginning to think it wasn't a concussion; he was thinking pretty clearly now, except that he had a headache so thinking sort of hurt a lot. And he was okay with forming sentences, it was just that actually moving his mouth was a lot of work.

"Okay. James, can you help him sit up for me?"

A second later and there were strong arms around Logan again, moving him up and back so that he was settled into the corner of the couch, his legs still stretched out along one of the sides. He noticed that somewhere along the line someone had taken his shoes off. James picked up the cold pack Logan's head had been laying on and helped him get it situated, leaning in to whisper in his ear while he did. Even in pain like he was that still sent a thrill through Logan.

"It was my fault, Logan. I am so, so sorry. But…if it makes you feel any better, you were amazing in that scene."

Logan smiled, and this time he made a passable grab at James when he tried to leave. "Stay," he said when James turned back to look at him.

"Are you sure?" James asked, sitting back on the couch next to Logan. "I figured you'd want to be as far away from me as possible right now."

"Mm," was all Logan said in response. He was the injured one, he didn't need to explain himself. Even _to_ himself, because honestly he had no idea why he wanted James there. He just did.

"Mom, is there anything else we need to do for him?" Kendall asked, and Logan realized that irrational as it was he was in fact a little pissed at Kendall. Sure he had been surprised, but hadn't that been an overreaction?

"I don't know," Mrs. Knight said with a sigh, her voice further away now. "I feel like I should be asking Logan what he would suggest. I guess I'll take him to the doctor, just to be on the safe side."

"I'm fine," Logan blurted out. Seeing Dr. Hollywood was just about the last thing Logan wanted to do right now, when he wasn't entirely sure he could defend himself from crazy treatment attempts.

"You're not fine," Kendall said immediately.

"You fell pretty hard, man," Carlos agreed, his voice sounding weird. But Logan wasn't going to think about that now, because guilt would make his brain fuzzy all over again.

"But I don't think I really hit my head that hard," Logan countered, impressed by his own ability to spit out a sentence that long. "I think my shoulder got the worst of it. And my ass." Which also hurt, but Logan preferred not to mention that.

"Oh right, I wanted to check your shoulder," Mrs. Knight said, stepping closer once more. "James, I might need your help again. If that's alright with you, Logan?"

Logan tried to shrug but _ow_. "It's fine," he said instead.

As James helped him out of the ridiculously high quality dress shirt Logan was really expecting some sort of comment about undressing him, or Logan getting out of James's clothes, or…something. But there was nothing, so Logan decided he needed to fill the void with snark.

"You probably had a heart attack when I fell in this shirt, huh?" he asked, trying to catch James's eye but he was moving too much. "Are you going to inspect it for damage?"

James didn't answer, but once he was holding the shirt Logan saw him looking hesitantly at it.

"You totally want to!" Logan said quietly, trying not to attract attention, although with everyone else right there staring at them that was probably a lost cause.

"I'm sure it's fine," James answered, like every word was a struggle.

"Okay, the undershirt too Logan," Mrs. Knight said. "James, I need your spot there. Logan, can you lift up your arms?"

"Um…" He tried, but winced again. "Just the left one."

"I got it," James said, stopping on his way up from the couch. He reached over again and Logan could feel hands brush against his stomach as James lifted the t-shirt. He paused to let Logan pull his left arm through, and then very gently worked the shirt up over Logan's head before sliding it carefully down his right arm. "Wow, that looks…really painful."

James met Logan's eyes briefly, his expression worried and apologetic as Logan gave him a soft smile. Then James brushed the back of one finger against Logan's cheek, and as Logan started to blush James was gone. Mrs. Knight sat in his place and asked Logan to lean forward, if he could, so she could see his shoulder.

"The rest of you boys go ahead and get lunch started, okay? Logan's going to be fine, I promise, and you don't want to head to the studio on empty stomachs."

"We're still going to the studio?" Carlos asked, surprise in his voice.

"Yeah, dude, I'm alright," Logan told him. "But none of us will be if we miss a day, you know that."

"He's right," Kendall agreed. "Logan falling on his ass isn't an excuse Gustavo will take for missing studio time. Sorry Mom," he added hurriedly.

She waved it off. "Your friend's hurt, you're allowed some bad language. Go eat, guys, you can still keep an eye on Logan from the table."

Kendall walked away, pulling Carlos along with him, but James sat down on the end of the couch past Logan's feet.

"Go, James," Logan said. "You're going to be miserable all day if you don't eat."

"I'm already going to be miserable all day, this is all my fault."

Logan rolled his eyes. "It is not. But whatever, at least go find me another shirt to wear."

"…Okay." James stood up. "Oh, all your clothes are in my room, right?"

"Pretty much, yeah. And I do want one of _my_ shirts."

" _Fine_ ," James huffed, though Logan could tell it was mostly for show. He turned and left. Logan figured the first thing he was going to do when he got to his room was check the shirt Logan had been wearing for imperfections.

"Okay, shoulder," Mrs. Knight said, and Logan leaned forward as best as he could.

"Oh, wow, you got that pretty good," she said after a second. "You'll have a nasty bruise there. It already looks like there's a knot forming."

"Awesome," Logan sighed. Hopefully they wouldn't be doing any dance lessons that day.

"So how's your head? You're sounding much better, and your eyes are clearer now."

"Yeah, I think I'm good," Logan assured her. "I really don't think I hit it that hard. It was mostly…shock, I guess, that caused me to react so badly."

"Right, about that. What exactly happened in here? When Carlos ran to get me all he would say is that you fell, and I could tell he was really worried. But no one would say how you fell, just that…you tripped on the coffee table?"

"Um…yeah, that's pretty much what happened. I stumbled backwards and hit the table, then fell." No _way_ was he going to tell her about why he stumbled in the first place.

"…Okay then," she said, eyeballing him like she knew good and well there was more to the story. "Well, I'll go get another cold pack for your shoulder. Do you want some lunch? And some Tylenol or something?"

"Yes to both of those, thank you," he answered gratefully.

When James got back with one of Logan's shirts in tow he tried to resume his spot next to Logan on the couch, but Logan refused to allow it until he got himself a sandwich first. Which of course made Carlos say that if James got to eat lunch with Logan then he did too, and before long all three of them were piled on the couch around Logan. James was inches from his shoulder, Kendall was on the other side of James and Carlos was at Logan's feet, sitting cross-legged and facing him, watching Logan and James with an expression that was just way too inscrutable for Carlos.

They were all eating in silence, which made Logan nervous because Mrs. Knight was already suspicious and the four of them actually being quiet wasn't going to make her any less so. She broke the silence herself, but not with a question about their behavior.

"Kendall," she said, looking around the kitchen like she was missing something, "have you seen your sister?"

"Um," Kendall said, and Logan almost laughed because he knew that 'um.' "Yeah, I saw her earlier, but that was a while ago. You, uh, want me to go find her?"

"Nah that's okay, I'll go look for her myself. You boys stay with Logan, I'll be back soon."

As soon as she was out the door Logan could hear Kendall texting furiously, no doubt warning his sister of the impending parental unit.

A few more moments of silence and Logan couldn't take the way Carlos was looking at him any longer. "We're not dating, Carlos," he said, throwing it out awkwardly into the weird atmosphere in the room.

Kendall made a noise of disbelief, and Logan tried to lean up to look around James at him but his shoulder wasn't having any of that. A cold pack fell when he tried and James retrieved it for him, setting it gently back on his shoulder while Logan winced.

"I don't want to hear it, Kendall," Logan said, leaning sideways against the couch and closing his eyes instead. "I'm still a little pissed at you right now."

"What, for having a natural reaction to walking in on two of my best friends groping each other on the couch? Look, I'm really sorry you got hurt, but—"

"There was no groping!" Logan nearly shouted, face already turning red.

"Hey, I don't know _where_ James's hand was, and I don't want to know. The point is—"

"You were kissing," Carlos interrupted.

Logan still didn't open his eyes, because he didn't want to see the questions on Carlos's face. They were the same questions Logan had, and if he couldn't even answer them for himself there was no chance he could answer them for Carlos.

"Exactly," Kendall said in agreement. "And we were under the impression that was something you guys _weren't_ doing."

"We're not," Logan said. _James, feel free to jump in here at any time._ "I was helping James rehearse a scene for an audition—"

"You have an audition?" Carlos asked, his tone having done a 180 and sounding happily surprised now. "Cool, what's it for?"

"Focus, Carlos," Kendall told him before James could answer. "So you were rehearsing what, a scene from a porno?"

Logan really hoped that loud thud was James hitting Kendall really really hard.

"Ow!"

"Don't be an ass, Knight," James said, and Logan couldn't help smiling.

"So…you were just acting?" Carlos asked, voice tentative now. "Because…I'm not really an expert at kissing but that didn't look like acting."

"Well, Logan's actually a pretty good actor, you know," James said.

Logan's eyes shot open and he looked at James, disbelieving. Was James trying to give him an out? Trying to give him a way to avoid all those questions about feelings and intentions and all that crap Carlos wanted answers to and Logan probably needed answers to but just couldn't deal with right then?

…Or did James seriously think that had all been an act?

Kendall made another obnoxious sound and then he was jumping up from the couch, plate in hand, eying James warily. "No more hitting, dude."

"Look, guys, can we just talk about this later?" Logan tried, his tone a little pleading. "My head hurts, and my shoulder hurts, and—I want to just get some rest before we have to leave."

"Wait, _you're_ not going to the studio," James said, breaking his glare at Kendall to look back at Logan. "You're staying right here."

"No, I'm going," Logan argued. "Just let me have some peace and quiet for a little while and I'll be fine."

"You want us to leave?" Carlos asked.

Logan shook his head. Slowly. A little. It hurt. "No, you can stay, just…peace and quiet. Please."

"Yeah, I don't know if that's going to happen with all of us in here," Kendall said. He stepped up next to Logan and leaned down to place a hand on one outstrechted leg before looking Logan in the eye. "I'm sorry, man. You know I didn't mean to make you do that, and I feel like shit for it."

Logan sighed. Stupid sincere Kendall. "Yeah, I know. I'm over it, we're cool. So are you heading out then?"

Kendall smiled before straightening up again. "Yeah, I'm gonna go to the studio now, tell Gustavo what happened, try to soften him up a bit before you get there. Make sure we're not supposed to be dancing, at least." Logan smiled his gratitude. "I trust between James and Carlos they can get you there in one piece later."

"Leave it to us," Carlos agreed immediately, giving Kendall a quick salute.

Once Kendall was gone Carlos turned his attention back to Logan and James. Logan knew it was killing him not to ask at least some of his questions.

"Later, Carlos," James said, gently but with an unmistakable warning.

"I know, I know," he answered, turning around in his seat to lean back against the couch. "Is it okay if I turn the TV on?"

"Would you be more comfortable in your room, Logan?" James asked before Logan could answer Carlos.

"What?" Carlos said, sounding worried. "No, I don't need the TV on, you don't have to leave!"

But Logan had already been thinking about it. "No, James is right, Carlos. I think I probably should go lay down for a little while." He started to move his legs, slowly inching them off of the couch so he could try to stand up.

"Hey, stop," James said softly. "I got you." He lifted Logan's plate off his lap. "Here Carlos, will you take this to the kitchen?"

"Sure. Ooh, are you gonna carry Logan to his room? You're such a gentleman, James," Carlos said, teasing, as he walked away.

"Shut up, Carlos," Logan called after him, but that did in fact look like exactly what James was planning.

"Hold these," James said, referring to the two cold packs that were now more like relatively-cool packs. Then he slipped one arm under Logan's knees, the other gently around his back, and a second later Logan was off the couch.

He felt a little ridiculous, but whatever, at least he didn't have to walk.

"You're coming back, right James?" Carlos asked as they headed for the hallway.

"Yeah Carlos," James answered, then in a whisper added, "unless Logan wants to make out some more."

Logan blushed, rolled his eyes, and swatted at James's face with one of the cold packs. James just grinned, and Logan smiled in response, knowing that if James was back to teasing it meant he wasn't feeing too guilty and worried about Logan anymore.

"You're so out of it," James said quietly as they headed down the hall.

"Am I?" Logan asked. Right now he was feeling more tired than anything.

"Yeah. You're letting me carry you around while you're not even wearing a shirt, and earlier you said 'ass' while Mrs. Knight was right there and you didn't even seem to realize it."

Both of these pieces of information made Logan blush again, harder this time, but he didn't say anything else as they finally reached his bed and James lowered him down into a sitting position on it.

"There now, how lucky are you to have such a tall, strong, handsome best friend?"

"I will admit the tall and strong parts come in handy on occasion," Logan said, setting his cold packs to the side so he could turn around and lay on his stomach.

"While the benefits of me being handsome are constant, right?"

Logan couldn't help chuckling; that had actually been a pretty clever comeback, though James probably meant it entirely seriously.

"Do you want this on your shoulder again?" James asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Logan told him, assuming he meant the cold pack. He wasn't going to turn his head to check.

But Logan felt warmth instead, fingers lightly tracing the knot on his shoulder as Logan shuddered at the touch.

"Sorry," James said immediately. "It even feels painful, Logan. I'm sorry I didn't catch you. I'm sorry about…all of it."

The not-so-cold pack was set on his shoulder, painful but soothing at the same time. James stepped back, and Logan could see him now. He looked…small.

"Hey, we're not doing this right now, okay?" Logan said. "No more apologizing. I'm going to be fine, but Carlos is going to start freaking out if you're not back out there soon. Go try and answer some of the million and a half questions he wants to ask."

James didn't say anything for a long moment, staring at the floor. "…I don't think I actually have any answers for him, Logan. What do you want me to tell him? I'll say whatever you want."

"Just tell him the truth. There's no point in lying about any of it."

James looked at him for a second, but Logan couldn't read the look at all. Maybe he _was_ still a little out of it.

"I don't think I have any of the answers, Logan," James said again, and for the first time in the weeks since that _other_ kiss Logan started to think maybe he wasn't the only one completely confused by all of this.

It was both comforting and terrifying.

"Well, at least I'm not the only one, then," Logan managed. He had thought that morning he finally _did_ have some answers, but there was a major difference between simply accepting a friend's casual flirtations and then throwing himself at that same friend in a heated make-out session. So now he was pretty much back to square one.

"But…" James continued, "I am really sorry about what happened today."

"Stop it," Logan admonished. "It's not like you planned it or anything."

"…But I did."

"…What?" Logan asked, and he knew he should just be confused but that felt an awful lot like anger building in his chest.

"Not you falling of course, God, I would never want that," James said quickly. "But I've been planning on kissing you since I first looked through the script. That's why I wanted to do the scene with you."

" _What_?!" Logan said again, voice rising. He shouldn't be surprised, he shouldn't be surprised at all but _dammit, James_! "I thought you wanted me to help you because you were too nervous to do it with a real actor, or whatever?"

"That too!" James was looking a little panicky now. "I mean, I wasn't lying about any of that, about _anything_ , and you knew I wanted to kiss you again, Logan, I told you that the day after our first kiss! And I wasn't trying to trick you or anything, it's not like I've been going around looking for ways to force you to kiss me, but when I got the script and I read it I just thought of you immediately and I wanted to do the scene with you and—"

" _Stop_ ," Logan said, his head throbbing again. "Just stop, James. Later. I don't want to talk about this, about anything, right now."

"Sorry," James mumbled, voice small. "I'll leave you alone now."

Logan heard the door close and thought he probably should have said something else, told James he wasn't actually mad at him—or at least he didn't think he was—but Logan had a headache and his shoulder hurt and _dammit James_ and he would sort all this crap out after a nap.

 

* * * * * *

 

"Is he okay?"

James shrugged, sitting next to Carlos on the couch and realized he'd left Logan's shirt there. He wasn't taking it to him right then, though.

"He's laying down. I think he's mad at me now, but…he said I should try to answer your questions. But Carlos, I don't think I know how to."

"I don't even know what I want to ask," Carlos said, flipping through channels on the TV. The volume was down much further than usual. "Except is that my jacket you're wearing?"

The question caught James off-guard and he laughed. "Maybe? I found it in our room, I was wearing it as part of my costume for the scene we were doing."

"Oh right, tell me about that!" Carlos said, excited now. He set down the remote and turned a little to look at James.

James tugged the jacket off of his shoulders, trying not to think about Logan's hands slipping under that jacket earlier. He dropped it on the cushion next to him and ran hands through his hair, wanting to reassert his own identity after walking around dressed as Oliver for so long.

"Well, Camille told me about it," he said, smiling now because Carlos was genuinely interested and it made James feel good about himself again. "The part I'm trying for is just a small role, but it's in that movie she's doing now."

"Oh, _Spy High_? Awesome! Are you playing a spy? A good guy or a bad guy?"

"Not a spy," James said, shaking his head. That really would have been cool, though. "The boyfriend of a spy."

"Ohhh, I can totally see that," Carlos said, nodding his head. "So…that means Logan was playing the girl in the scene, then?"

"What?" James asked, taking a second to figure out what Carlos meant. "Oh! Haha, no, Logan was playing a dude. Here," he said, leaning forward to pick up one of the scripts from the coffee table. Someone had moved them there so James could set Logan on the couch earlier.

"What?" Carlos echoed as he took the script. "So your girlfriend wasn't even in the scene? That's boring. And…wait a minute, there's _kissing_ in the scene, right?"

"The characters are gay, Carlos. Duh."

"Ohhhhh. I get it now." He looked down at the script, but James really didn't expect him to read any of it. "So does Logan make a cool spy?"

"No, he actually makes a really hot spy."

Carlos laughed a little, then looked up at James with a semi-serious expression. James raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"So," Carlos finally said, "I know what I said before and all, but I'm starting to think now that maybe—"

He was interrupted by the door opening and the tail end of an argument between Mrs. Knight and Katie. "This is _so_ not fair," Katie was saying.

"Making you eat lunch isn't fair?"

"No. I was on a roll, Mom!"

James stopped paying attention at that point, more interested in hearing the rest of what Carlos had been saying.

"You're thinking what, Carlos?" he asked.

"Oh. I'll, uh, tell you later, okay?"

"…Alright," James agreed. He turned back to the TV, while Carlos looked back down at the script.

"Man, I can't imagine Logan saying some of this stuff," he said, and James couldn't tell if Carlos thought it was funny or impressive. Probably both. James did, at least.

"He actually did really well," James said, smiling. He had been so proud of Logan for finally taking the scene seriously. Apparently _very_ seriously, given that kiss.

Except James couldn't think about that right now, because it was confusing and Logan didn't want to talk about it yet so that meant James shouldn't worry about it yet either, right?

A few more moments passed quietly and then Katie plopped down on the other side of the couch. "So where've you been today, James? Didn't see you at the pool or anywhere."

James sighed. "You want some advice, Katie?"

"Um…no, not really."

"Don't get any older. Life just gets more complicated."

"Ain't that the truth," Carlos agreed.

"…Oookay," Katie said. "So uh, whatcha reading, Carlos?"

"Oh, this is—"

"Nothing!" James interrupted, snatching the other script off of the table before Katie noticed it. "Oh hey Carlos, isn't this your jacket? You should probably take that on upstairs," he said, handing the jacket and the script to his friend with a meaningful look.

Carlos blinked, but caught on. "Oh, you're totally right James, that _is_ my jacket. I _will_ go put that away, because hey, I'm already _wearing_ a jacket and you know what, I don't need two of them!"

He left, taking the jacket and both scripts with him, and James let out a sigh of relief. He didn't really know why he had reacted that way, but something told him letting Katie get her hands on that script would probably let her way further into his and Logan's personal lives than anyone was comfortable with.

Plus, Katie was kind of his manager and if she found out he was doing an audition without consulting her first she might kill him. James wasn't willing to take that chance.

"Weirdos," Katie muttered.

A few seconds later Carlos was calling out from the balcony. "Hey uh, James?"

"Yeah dude?" James replied, looking over to see him poking his head through the door.

"Um, why does our room say 'WARDROBE' on it?"

"Because that's what it is."

"Oh. Okay then." He disappeared, and a moment later James heard him shout, "Whoa! You weren't kidding!"

James laughed. He'd have to clean all that up at some point, which sucked because now that Logan was all injured and stuff he couldn't even make him help.

"Dude, it's like your closet threw up in there," Carlos said when he reappeared in the living room.

"Don't worry, I'll clear off the bed at least today," James assured him.

"Oh, I'm not worried. I'll just sleep in the top bunk if you don't," Carlos said with a grin.

James shoved him as he sat on the couch. "Not if I get there first."

"Then I'll just throw all the clothes on top of you."

"Those are mostly Logan's clothes on that bed, you know."

"Oooh, then he'll be all mad at you because you made me throw his clothes around."

Carlos was saved from the scathing comeback James was brainstorming by a message notification from James's phone, followed by one from Carlos's.

"Wonder if that's Kendall," James said before checking his phone. It was.

 _'Studio at 4. How's L?'_

James checked the time; it was close to 2:30. He texted Kendall back, telling him Logan was resting and they'd be there.

"Hey, Mrs. Knight," James called over to her. She was sitting at the table reading a magazine, eating her own lunch. "Kendall says we need to be at Rocque Records at four, when do you think I should wake Logan up?"

"He's going with you guys?" she asked, turning to look at James.

"Wait, what happened to Logan? Why is he asleep?" Katie asked.

"He fell earlier," Carlos explained.

"Yeah, he insisted," James told Mrs. Knight.

"What?! Is he okay?" Katie asked Carlos.

James shook his head and stood up, not able to deal with both conversations at once right now. He sat down at the table. "I don't want him to go, but he's already mad at me so I don't want to not let him go, either."

"Why is he mad at you?" Mrs. Knight asked.

"Oh, um. Well, I uh…"

"Is it something to do with why he fell? I thought he said that wasn't your fault? And Kendall said it was _his_ fault."

"Well, um, it was kind of both our faults? But no one's fault, really, I mean it was an accident and all." James didn't like the way she was looking at him, and if he didn't get out of this fast he would probably end up telling her what happened. He wasn't sure Logan wanted that, though. "So anyway, when should I wake him up? Around 3:30, or earlier than that?"

"Earlier," she answered after a moment. "Check on him around three, make sure he's still alright and feels like going."

The next half hour seemed to last forever to James even with the distractions of Carlos, Katie and the TV. But finally he checked his phone and it was five till three, and James figured that was close enough. He grabbed Logan's shirt off of the couch and headed for the hallway.

"Checking on Logan?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah."

"Tell him I hope he's feeling better."

"Sure thing," James said, looking back to smile at Carlos before turning the corner.

He debated about knocking for a second, but if Logan still had a headache he didn't want to risk making it worse, so James just opened the door slowly and peeked in. "Logan?" he whispered, and he had a flashback of the night before, doing this same thing after he got back from his date.

…Had that really just been the night before? So much had happened since then James could hardly believe it was the same day.

Like before, there was no answer so James slipped in the room and closed the door behind him. He found Logan basically the way he'd left him, laying on his stomach on the bed. The cold packs were both on the floor, and Logan had halfway wound his blanket around him, which was adorable but made James feel bad for not making sure he was warm enough before he left.

James sat on the edge of the bed and watched Logan for a moment, wondering if he would freak out again this time when he woke up and saw James there. James really hoped not, because as fun as that had been right now he just wanted to make sure Logan was okay, and that everything between them was still okay.

Logan's injured shoulder was exposed, and was now covered in a splotchy, dark purple bruise. It looked terrible, and James felt another pang of guilt. He shouldn't have done that, talking Logan into doing the scene with him. He shouldn't have gotten Logan to kiss him again; not if it ended up like this.

Something in that thought stuck with James. Logan had kissed him. _Logan_ had kissed _James_. Without James even needing to break character and argue he needed the practice. Without _Logan_ breaking character either, so did that mean he was just doing it for the scene? But Logan hadn't just started the kiss entirely on his own; he'd also done most of the work in keeping it going. James hadn't done much more than sit there and take it, and encourage Logan to make himself a little more comfortable.

…So what did that mean?

James didn't have any answers. _'Well, at least I'm not the only one,'_ Logan had said. And if _Logan_ didn't have any answers either, then where did that leave them?

Knowing what he was doing but not really knowing why he was doing it—because it was probably not a smart idea at all—James lifted a hand to trace around the outside edge of Logan's bruise. He felt the skin tense under his fingers but otherwise Logan didn't move. James pushed the blanket further away from the injury and made wide circles to avoid hurting Logan, his fingers moving gently, slowly, around and around the knotted area until James couldn't take it anymore.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss between Logan's shoulder blades, not daring to get any closer to the bruise. There was still no real response from Logan, though, and James bit his lip, trying to decide exactly how stupid he was being to push for a reaction in this particular situation.

 _Pretty damn stupid_ was what he decided on but he kissed Logan again anyway, this time moving across to the other side of the purple splotch and pushing his lips against the top of Logan's shoulder. And that…felt really really nice, so he stayed, mouthing softly at the skin there until he felt Logan move beneath him.

"James," Logan breathed, and James felt his heart stop at hearing his name said like that.

"Hey," James managed to answer. Logan was facing away from him, so James leaned over across his back to see his eyes, but they weren't open.

But hey look, another shoulder, and James's mouth found its way there entirely of its own accord. He was just starting to thoroughly enjoy himself when Logan spoke again.

"James, stop," he said, voice quiet but to James it may as well have been a scream. He pulled away from Logan's shoulder immediately, eyes wide, and noticed that Logan's eyes were squeezed shut now.

"Oh Logan, I'm sorry," James said, then kept babbling. "I don't know why I did that, I shouldn't—that was just really…inexcusable, it won't happen again, I—" He stopped when he realized Logan was chuckling softly.

"I'm sore, James," he said, then finally opened an eye and looked up. He looked tired, really tired, but amused.

"What? Oh, um…I mean, I was trying to be careful—"

"Not just the bruise," Logan explained. "Like, basically everywhere. My muscles have stiffened up, and I'm sore all over now. I guess the fall was a little worse than I realized. And you keep shifting the bed, and I can feel it every time."

"Oh."

Logan was still looking at James, both eyes open now, while James tried to figure out what this meant. Logan…had been okay with the kissing? Except that it was hurting? And dammit, James had hurt him?

And uh, exactly how long had Logan been awake?

"Is it time to leave?"

James shook his head, clearing his thoughts and answering Logan at the same time. "We have an hour, I just came to check on you."

"And make out with my shoulders, apparently."

Heat rushed to James's face. "Well, you…have really nice shoulders."

Logan laughed a little, and James felt like he was in some alternate universe. Because not only did it seem like he no longer had to worry about getting kneed in the gut for being close to Logan and touching him and saying subtly inappropriate things, it seemed like it was also totally cool to have major make-out sessions in the living room and kiss Logan's bare shoulders while he was sleeping.

James was a big fan of this alternate universe. Even if instead of stars it was full of millions of unanswerable questions.

"Thanks for waking me up," Logan said. "It's probably going to take me 20 minutes to even get out of bed. Ugh, I don't want to _move_."

"Then don't," James offered. "Stay here, go back to sleep if you want."

"Tempting, but I can't," Logan said with a sigh. "I'll probably be okay once I start moving some. Help me sit up?"

"Couldn't I just join you down there?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Help me sit up, James."

That turned out to not be the easiest of tasks, because James didn't want to touch Logan's bruise, moving him any which way at all seemed to cause him some sort of pain, and also he still wasn't wearing a shirt and it was kind of distracting, seeing and touching his bare skin. Logan really did have nice shoulders. And a nice everything else, too.

But finally they managed it, Logan sitting slumped forward, arms draped across his legs, and looking rather miserable. "I don't get it," he said, shaking his head. "I thought I landed mostly just on the back of my shoulder and my ass, and thumped my head pretty good. But I feel sore almost everywhere, and not a bruised kind of sore, more like…muscle strain, or something. But I just fell, I didn't—"

He stopped, and from his spot next to Logan James had to duck around to see the interesting expression on his face. His eyes were a little wide and his face was turning red, and somehow everything clicked.

"…It's from making out. Isn't it?" James asked, a grin spreading across his face, but he didn't even need confirmation because he just _knew_. "From holding yourself up for so long. Yeah, I'd bet your arms would hurt, and your back would hurt, and heck even your legs might. You really should have just sat on my lap, would have made things much easier on yourself."

"Shut up," Logan said, embarrassment in his voice, as he shoved James with his left hand.

"…Logan?"

James wasn't really sure what he was going to ask, but his voice sounded strange even to his own ears.

Logan shook his head. "Later. I said we'd talk about…whatever, later."

"It is later."

" _Later_ later, James. Just…not right now, okay? I'm tired and I'm sore and I'm not even wearing a shirt, and…" James could hear him take a deep breath. "Just. Later."

"I brought you your shirt," James said, looking around until he found it and holding it out to Logan.

Logan smiled, but he wouldn't meet James's eyes. "Thanks. Wanna make any bets on whether I can dress myself?"

He gave a valiant effort, but after a string of 'owowowowowow' and a swear word or three James took over, basically doing the opposite of when he had taken Logan's shirt off earlier.

"Not as much fun as undressing you, I have to say," James said off-hand as he pulled the shirt down to cover Logan's stomach.

"See, I don't think you really _had_ to say it, but maybe that's just me," Logan replied. "Oh, before I forget, your tie."

Logan's hand was on its way down to his pocket while James's was pulling back from Logan's shirt and on the way their palms brushed together, a completely innocent feather-light touch that sent heat flooding throughout James's body.

He jerked his head up to look at Logan, eyes wide, to find Logan looking back at him in shock and even though James was having trouble breathing all of a sudden he was glad he at least wasn't the only one who had felt that. It was like…his palm was sort of tingling, and all at once it was making the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his skin burn all over, and his heart felt like it was going to explode.

And it was familiar but at the same time it felt like something totally new, something James didn't understand at all, and as they just kept staring at each other he realized he was starting to feel a little afraid. He didn't even know what _of_ , but he could see it in Logan's face too, genuine _fear_ and—James didn't know what to do. He didn't know whether to run or stay or laugh or cry or grab Logan and kiss him until neither one of them could breathe and they forgot this feeling, this… _scary_ feeling of a million possibilities that were probably all answers to those millions of questions in this alternate universe; except now James didn't want them, didn't want to be anywhere near those answers if this is what it felt like.

James had never in his life been so utterly relieved to hear the text alert on his cell phone.

Pulling himself away from Logan's terrified gaze was like pulling two strong magnets apart; when he'd finally managed it he felt like he was going to fall over from the sheer force it took, and James had no idea where that science-y metaphor came from but it probably had something to do with the trouble he'd had getting that magnetic clasp off of his shirt earlier. He fumbled for several moments trying to get his phone out of his pocket, then realized his hands were actually _shaking_ as he checked the message.

What the hell was _happening_ to him?

It was Kendall again, checking up on Logan and making sure he was still coming to the studio with them. James tried to reply but his fingers wouldn't cooperate, and after several increasingly frustrating attempts he threw the phone down on the bed and glared at it.

And now James didn't know what to do again. He couldn't turn around and look at Logan right now, but he couldn't just get up and walk away, either. Logan was still injured, after all.

They might have sat there awkwardly forever if there hadn't been a knock on the door right then. "Yeah," Logan called out, his voice so far-away and _strange_ it made James shudder. Would his own voice sound like that if he tried to talk right now?

Carlos stuck his head in the door, looking a little hesitant but smiling when he saw them. "Hey, you're up, Logan. Feeling any better?"

"Yeah, some," Logan answered. James could hear a smile in his voice but he couldn't tell how fake it was.

"Cool. So, I just got a text from Kendall, did you get it too James?"

For a second James thought about saying no, but he could probably get Carlos to answer the text without actually lying to him. "Yeah, haven't replied yet though. Did you?" Yep, his voice sounded weird, just not as much as Logan's had.

"Was just about to, but I wanted to check with you guys first. You still going with us, Logan?"

"'Course I am. Don't want you guys getting screamed at without me…or because of me," Logan answered. Carlos grinned. "But we still have a while, right? I think I'm gonna chill in here until it's time to leave, if that's okay with you guys?"

"Sure, I'll let Kendall know," Carlos said, to James's relief. "You keeping Logan company, James?"

 _You couldn't pay me to stay in this room right now, Carlos_ , James thought. But he should probably come up with something a little better to say.

"Actually, uh…"

Logan coughed. "You, uh, still need to change clothes, right James? You don't want to go to the studio like that, right?"

If James wasn't still scared to death to look at him he'd give Logan a hugely grateful smile right about now, both for giving him an excuse and for reminding him he actually did need to change.

"Exactly," James said with a nod. "I'm still in costume, can't go wandering around in public like this." He made a face and gestured at himself, underscoring the ridiculousness of the idea. Then he hopped off the bed and grabbed his phone and tie, pushed past Carlos with a smile, and half-ran up to his room.

Where he closed the door and leaned back against it, his breathing heavy and erratic, and tried not to pass out at the realization that his life seemed to have just gotten a hell of a lot more complicated—even if he didn't understand why.


	8. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendall & Carlos have a plan, and Logan should really know better than to tell Kendall he can't do something.

"You'd better not be asleep."

Logan didn't answer, hoping for one brief second that silence would actually convince Kendall he _was_ asleep.

"Look, I _know_ you're not asleep. Come on, you need to tell me what's going on. And also why there's a Hawaiian shirt on my bed."

It was Saturday night, after an incredibly awkward recording session at the studio where Logan and James had stayed about as far away from each other as physically possible. Logan had shut himself in his room almost as soon as they walked in the door, claiming he was hurting again and wanted to go to bed early. James hadn't even made it all the way up the apartment, choosing to stay by the pool instead.

Honestly Logan was surprised Kendall had waited this long to barge in and demand answers. Maybe he'd been trying to get them out of James so far?

Logan took a deep breath and let it out quickly, reminding himself Kendall was only being insanely irritating because he cared. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kendall. And the shirt's there because it's yours."

"You know I actually believe you don't know, because there's just so very much I _could_ be talking about. Let's start with the whole making-out-with-James-in-the-middle-of-the-living-room thing. What happened there?"

"I already told you that. We were rehearsing a scene." Logan turned his head to look at Kendall but he didn't bother sitting up. 

The room was dark except for the desk lamp Kendall had turned on but Logan could see Kendall sitting on his own bed, and he clearly wasn't buying that excuse.

"Carlos showed me the script. We read the whole scene, and I believe the exact wording was 'Felix kisses Oliver. Briefly but with feeling.' That's it. Nowhere did it mention anything about anyone climbing on anyone's lap."

Logan's face was burning. "…Okay, maybe we got a little carried away."

" _You_ got carried away, Logan. You did. James is always away to begin with."

Not responding was essentially the same as agreeing, but Logan couldn't think of anything to say to that. It was true. And kind of funny, but he refused to laugh. A full minute passed in silence, Logan knowing Kendall wasn't done yet.

"So," Kendall eventually said, "what happened after I left here? Carlos said you two seemed fine but then after you went to bed James said he thought you were mad at him. And next thing we know it's like you two are afraid of each other, so…explain that. Just a delayed reaction to the couch-groping, or something else?"

"If you say the word 'groping' again I am going to walk over there, punch you, and then tell your mother you made my shoulder hurt worse."

" _Fine_. Just answer the question."

"I can't."

"Can't?"

"No." It was the truth. Logan had no idea what had happened; he'd spent the time before they left for the studio trying to figure it out. He and James had touched accidentally and it had sent weird tingles all through Logan's body and made his chest tight and it made James look scared, which didn't make sense but at the same time Logan was scared too. He didn't know why. It wasn't like he and James had never touched before. It wasn't like James hadn't been kissing Logan's bare shoulders not 10 minutes before that. But something about it had just been _different_.

In the studio he could feel panic lurking in his chest every time he looked at James or realized they were standing too close. And not the flustered sort of panic that came with James's recent flirting, either; this was something…bigger. And way scarier.

Things kept changing between the two of them, and maybe that was it. It was just too much change for one day, and their bodies had overloaded. Hopefully it was just a phase? 

"…Are you mad at James?" 

Logan shook his head against the pillow. It would probably be easier if he were. "No, I'm not."

"Is he mad at you?"

"You'd have to ask him, but I don't think so."

"I'd love to, except no one can find him."

"What?" Logan sat up a little, ignoring the complaint from his shoulder. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means he's not in the apartment, he's not at the pool or the park. He won't answer his phone, but he did text me back when I threatened to tell you and Carlos something terrible had happened to him. So I figure he's fine, just off moping somewhere. Does he _think_ you're mad at him?"

Logan blinked at Kendall for a moment, taking all that in. "I don't know why he would."

"Okay, so. You're not mad at each other. Did you have some sort of weird talk about your feelings or something? Are you both just embarrassed?" There was a pause. "You didn't have sex, did you?"

"What? No!" Logan's face was hot again, but he couldn't just let such a stupid question go. "When exactly could that have even happened in the time since you left for the studio?"

"I don't know, I just thought I should ask. You're not offering much information so I'm just trying to rule out possibilities here. So was it the feelings talk, then?"

" _No_ , Kendall."

"Okay, so was it because there needs to be a feelings talk?"

Logan groaned in frustration. He really didn't need this—or any—sort of pseudo-relationship counseling from Kendall Knight. Or anyone. "There are no feelings to talk about, so no." 

That was the short version. The actual, correct wording of that statement was more like 'There are no confirmed or even remotely understood feelings that I am willing to talk about with you or James or anyone else so please leave me the fuck alone so I can sleep, thank you and goodnight Kendall.' 

There was another pause. "…You sure about that?"

Logan didn't know why he bothered sometimes. He might as well give Kendall a direct link to his brain and be done with it. At least then he wouldn't have to say things out loud.

He took a deep breath. "The truth, Kendall? The truth behind all of this, the one single truth I can tell you is that I'm not sure about a damn thing anymore, and I would guess that neither is James. Can we just leave it at that, _please_?"

He didn't even bother getting his hopes up for that one, though, and a few seconds later Kendall was opening his big mouth again. "You two should talk."

"I already told you there's nothing to talk about."

"Yeah, okay, that's a big fat lie, but whatever. Don't talk, then. Sit and stare at each other until you have some sort of epiphany. Avoidance isn't going to help this, and what are you afraid of, anyway? Of getting hurt?"

Logan didn't know which part of that statement to focus on, so he chose to simply answer the last question. The other question he couldn't possibly begin to answer.

"No."

"No. Okay, we'll pretend I believe that. Are you afraid he's going to say he's in love with you?"

At that Logan snorted a laugh. "Um, no. James takes about 10 seconds to decide he's fallen in love, and since I've known him for over 10 _years_ I think I'm perfectly safe on that front."

There was silence, and in the dim light Logan could feel Kendall's eyes on him more than he could see that they were. He waited, but he was starting to feel a little nervous.

"I had a conversation with James this morning," Kendall finally said. "About you."

Logan wasn't surprised. He wasn't even angry, really. Mostly just curious, but that didn't stop him from being sarcastic. "And what, he told you he's in love with me?"

"No, I did most of the talking. Basically tried to make him really think about how he was treating you, how it might affect you. Told him not to hurt you."

"Told him, or threatened him?"

"Eh, maybe a little of both. But after watching him today I don't think I was really being fair."

Logan's heart jumped. "…What are you talking about?"

"He was a mess when you fell, Logan. Like, really seriously worried."

"You all were. And besides, I was wearing one of his nicest shirts, he was worried about it too."

Logan could see the movement as Kendall shook his head. "It wasn't just the worry, it…I don't know how to explain it. But you can ask Carlos, he noticed it too. He just looked…I don't know, like he was holding himself back?"

"From what?"

"You expect me to know that how? But it was constant, from the time he set you on the couch up until I left, and Carlos said even after that."

"I don't understand what this is supposed to be telling me, Kendall."

"I'm just trying to explain myself, I'm not asking you to interpret. Anyway, it was different at the studio, when you were treating each other like radioactive material. Whenever he looked at you there, he…well, first off it always seemed to be an accident, like he'd forgotten he _wasn't_ supposed to be looking at you, and then there was this weird sort of fear, I guess?"

Logan's heart was beating loud and fast because this time he knew exactly what Kendall meant. 

"But it wasn't like he was afraid of _you_ ," Kendall went on, and Logan couldn't help wondering if his own expression had been so revealing. "It was like…whatever, I don't know, I didn't catch it enough times to really tell you. But anyway, the points of all this are—"

"Points? As in, more than one?"

"As in three. One, something happened to make you guys afraid to be in the same room together. Two, Carlos is pretty much convinced James has actual, real relationship-type feelings for you and I don't think I'd bet against him. And three, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told James this morning: If you hurt him, Carlos and I are going to be really fucking pissed at you."

Logan's mouth fell open, and after a second he actually had to struggle to sit up so he could gape at Kendall properly.

"You've lost your mind, Kendall."

"No, that would be you and James for going down this road in the first place. I'm just trying to make sure you don't end up in a ditch somewhere along the way."

"We're not on any road! We kissed—"

" _Made out_. Twice. That we know of, anyway."

" _Twice_ ," Logan gritted out between clenched teeth. "But that doesn't—there's no way—I don't even…" 

The fight was draining out of Logan fast. His head was spinning, throbbing a little again, missing his pillow so he reunited them. 

"You okay?" Kendall asked, concern in his voice.

"Not really. Look, Kendall, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but James and I are just fine."

"You weren't fine at the studio today."

"Okay, so right _now_ maybe we're afraid to even look at each other, but we'll get over it."

"What are you afraid of, Logan?" Kendall asked, gentle and stern at the same time.

Logan sighed, and when he answered his voice sounded small. "Pretty much everything, Kendall."

"Yeah, that's about what I figured," Kendall said with a chuckle. "Okay then, so here's the plan."

"What?" Logan said, panic rising in him immediately. "What plan? No plan. We don't need a plan. Nothing needs to be planned, Kendall!"

"So tomorrow," Kendall went on, clearly ignoring him, "we have the day off. Carlos and I are getting the hell out of here, because you and James are going to work all this crap out, whatever it takes, and we don't want to be anywhere near you while any of that's going on."

Before Logan could even start to protest Kendall was talking again. "These are the options we've decided on. They each have some stipulations, but we can get into all that once you've picked one. Option one, you can drop all of the kissing and flirting and…whatever else has been going on that we don't know about, and go back to just being regular best friends. Option two, you can start dating, and if you want to keep that a secret from the public we'll figure it out. Under no circumstances, however, are you allowed to keep things secret from us. That uh, doesn't mean we want details," he added. "Of any kind. But we do want a clearly defined relationship, because we can't handle all this back-and-forth."

More gaping, but Logan wasn't going to try sitting up again. "I don't even know what to say to any of that. _You_ can't handle it? _You_ and _Carlos_ can't stand not knowing what James and I are to each other? How the hell do you think _we_ feel about it? And why the hell are there only two options?"

"Because if we give you any more you're just going to confuse yourselves again."

Logan really, _really_ wanted to argue about that, but unfortunately Kendall had a valid point. "You can't force us to talk to each other," he said instead. Even as the words were coming out of his mouth he knew how stupid it was to say them.

He didn't need light to know Kendall was smirking. He could practically _hear_ it. "If you say so, Logan."

"I'm going to sleep now," Logan said, trying to keep his voice even. "I'm going to sleep, and I'm going to pretend this was all some sort of crazy dream, and tomorrow I'm going to spend a pleasant day vegging out in front of the TV, wearing my pajamas and eating unhealthy snacks because I'm injured and so it's allowed. Okay? Okay. Goodnight, Kendall."

"Yeah, sure. One more thing, Logan."

" _What_ , Kendall."

"If James ever does tell you he's in love with you, you better trust that he means it. No matter how scary it is, trust that he would never say that to _you_ unless he meant it with everything he has. Because if I ever find out he did try to tell you and you laughed at him, I might have to kick your ass."

Logan's hand had a death-grip on his pillow, and his throat had gone completely dry. His voice was strained when he finally spoke.

"Goodnight, Kendall."

"Goodnight, Logan," Kendall replied. He stood up and turned off the desk lamp, then walked out of the room, leaving Logan to try and fend off his thoughts on his own.

———

The next morning Logan was in the middle of enacting his plan for that day when there was a knock at the apartment door. He looked around helplessly for a second, like someone might magically appear and answer the door for him. 

But no one else was there. James had disappeared before anyone even saw him; they only knew he came back at all the night before because Carlos told them. Carlos and Kendall had left right after breakfast, with Carlos giving Logan an encouraging smile before they headed out the door. And Mrs. Knight and Katie were off shopping or having a girls' day or…something.

So Logan was all alone, enjoying having the TV to himself and especially enjoying not having to think about the James issue. Except now he had to hobble up off the couch and over to the door to see who wanted to disturb his lazy Sunday morning.

At this point Logan was sort of playing his injury up a bit. His shoulder still hurt, he had a knot on the back of his head and his ass was bruised but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He'd been hurt worse before. Luckily the other muscle soreness had basically disappeared, although if he twisted the wrong way his back would hurt and he would have flashbacks of leaning over James on the couch.

When he opened the door he stood for a second, eyebrows raised in surprise. "Hi, Camille," he said, smiling a little hesitantly, because with Camille you just never knew what to expect.

"Hi Logan!" she replied brightly. "So I have the day off, and I heard you guys did too, so I was wondering if you wanted to hang? I know we haven't seen much of each other lately, and I kinda miss you."

Logan felt his smile relax. "Well, I sort of got hurt yesterday so I was just planning on chilling here. So I'm not sure how much fun I'll be, but you're welcome to stay and be lazy with me if you want."

"Awesome, thanks!" She smiled, but something in it made warning bells go off in Logan's head. Then he noticed that Camille wasn't exactly standing in the middle of the doorway, and her left arm was stretched out to the side. 

"And oh hey, look who I found earlier!" she said, dragging an obviously unwilling but oddly silent boy over next to her. Maybe he was just too afraid to protest. "So, Logan, I hear you've been helping James here practice for his audition? I'd love to see him run through the scene, maybe I can offer some advice. You'd be willing to do that, right?"

As Logan looked up at James, meeting his eyes briefly and noting the look of helplessness and apology in them before turning back to stare at Camille's grin, Logan realized what was going on here.

Kendall had brought in reinforcements.

 

* * * * * *

 

"I don't think Logan wants to do the scene today Camille, I really think he's in too much pain and all and we should really just leave him alone—"

"Don't be silly James," Camille said. She had pulled James into the apartment and Logan had closed the door after them, but James was keeping an eye on it so he could run as soon as he got the chance. "He doesn't even have to do much work, you're the one who needs to be serious about it. Logan can just sit there and read lines."

"Wouldn't it make more sense for you to do it?" Logan asked, and James nodded fervently.

"Yeah Camille, that's a better idea, Logan's not an ac—"

"Nope, won't work," Camille interrupted, waving the hand that wasn't clamped on James's wrist. "I can't be in character during the scene and give a fair assessment of your performance, James. I need to be an outside observer."

Well he couldn't really argue with that. He hung his head in defeat. "…I'll do it if Logan wants to."

"Of course he wants to, this is for your career, James! Now go get the script and get into costume."

"Costume?" Logan and James asked at the same time.

"Well you can't do the scene with one of you dressed for the pool and the other dressed for bed! Well, if James was dressed for bed that might actually be okay, but either way both of you need to change. Do you have something better to wear? Do we need to go find costumes for you?"

Logan sighed and James could tell he'd given in as well, which surprised James. Maybe Logan was already over whatever had happened the day before?

Well, if Logan was over it James could be, too. "We have clothes," James said before Logan got the chance to. "I picked out outfits when we did the scene before, we'll just wear those again."

"So the shirt was okay?" Logan asked. James looked over at him, surprised again. 

"Yeah, it—yeah," he answered, with a tentative smile. "Not a scratch on it. Um…how are you, though? Feeling any better today?"

Logan nodded, giving James a small smile in return. "Yeah. Still glad we're not having any dance practice today, but I'm mostly alright. I was taken pretty good care of yesterday, I guess."

James felt his face heat up, and he kind of wanted to run and hide. But he was caught by Logan's expression, hesitant and with a bit of that fear from before but now with curiosity also mixed in. It was the curiosity that made James stay, staring until Camille clapped her hands.

"Costumes, boys!" she said, all business now. "We don't have all day!"

"I thought we did have all day, though?" Logan asked, fixing her with a teasing smirk.

"Okay, maybe we do, but that doesn't mean I want to stand around all morning while you two make schmoopy faces at each other."

"'Schmoopy faces'?" they asked, again simultaneously.

"At least not until after the scene. Now go!"

James and Logan shared a confused glance, then let themselves be shooed away. In the hallway James paused before going up the stairs. "I'm sorry about this, she sort of ambushed me and…I can stall her if you want to make a run for it."

Logan laughed softly and James felt his heart jump a little at the sound. "It's not your fault. It's not even Camille's fault. This is all Kendall."

"…Huh?" James turned fully to look at Logan, confused.

"Kendall," Logan said with a sigh. "He…gave me this big lecture last night, and he wants the two of us to talk, and he knew we would just keep avoiding each other so I guess this was his answer. I wonder what he told her…"

"Oh! Right, Carlos said a bunch of weird stuff to me too."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well, they apparently had a big discussion about us yesterday, so I guess that makes sense. But um…" He looked away, blushing a little. "Maybe we can just pretend nothing happened?"

James was struck by an urge to tilt Logan's face back towards him. His hand was halfway raised when he felt that tingle of fear again and he let it drop. "How can I pretend nothing happened when I don't even know what happened? …What happened, Logan?"

Logan shrugged, and had opened his mouth to say something when they heard Camille shout.

"You guys better not be locking yourselves in your rooms! I can pick locks you know!"

James's eyes widened. "She can?" he whispered to Logan.

"No idea, but Milla can," Logan whispered back. He got this far-away look in his eyes when he said it.

"Dude, you totally have a thing for spies," James said, grinning and shoving Logan's left shoulder lightly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Logan whispered, but he was turning red again. James giggled, and Logan glared at him.

It felt like things were back to normal; James could only hope it would last.

"Hey, I'll bring you those shirts, okay?"

"Okay," Logan nodded. "And the tie?"

"Right," James answered, happy that Logan had remembered. "Oh, and you should show Camille your shoulder, might win you some sympathy points."

"What do I need sympathy points for?" Logan asked, an eyebrow raised.

"When do you ever not need them?"

Logan gaped at him for a second. "Go put your clothes on, Oliver," he said, nodding at the stairs.

"You're so bossy sometimes, Felix," James answered before bounding up to his room. 

"It's for your own protection!" Logan called after him, and James laughed.

————

James returned to the living room to find Camille sitting next to a shirtless Logan, staring at his bruised shoulder with a mixture of awe and sympathy.

"I don't know if I'd call it that, exactly," Logan was saying.

"No, it's totally a badge of honor," Camille told him. "You've suffered for your craft, Logan!"

He laughed. "No, I've suffered for _James's_ craft. I'm no actor."

"You could be," James said as he walked towards the couch. It had been his idea, but seeing them together like that he wasn't sure how he felt about Camille looking at Logan's bruise. 

Especially since the sight of it was making James feel guilty again, but more than that it made him remember the feel of Logan's shoulder against his lips. And they were supposed to be pretending nothing happened, right?

Except…what exactly was it that hadn't happened? James was a little confused by all of that, because a _lot_ had happened yesterday.

"Really?" Camille asked, looking up at James in surprise. "Was he good? Oh, great job on your costume, James!"

"Thanks. And Logan was hot," James answered with a grin.

"James," Logan said, and he was using that warning tone again. It sent a little thrill through James.

"Here, put your hot spy clothes on and Camille will agree with me." He handed Logan the shirts and tie.

"Did you bring the little magnetic clasp thing?" 

James nodded. "Yeah, but I have no idea how to work it. Maybe Camille will."

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

He handed it over to her while Logan put the shirts on. It took Logan and Camille both to figure the thing out, but soon Logan was looking just as good as he had the day before. The dress shirt was a little wrinkled this time, but that just added to the effect. 

"Wow, you weren't kidding, James," Camille said, looking Logan up and down appreciatively while he blushed. "Did you rip that shirt yourself? That's perfect!"

"Yes, thank you, I know," James said, proud of himself. And of Logan. "And wait till you see him in character. Logan should totally play a spy in something."

Logan scoffed, and Camille clapped her hands. "Okay, places boys! Show me whatcha got."

"I thought I just had to sit there and read lines?" Logan asked, looking a little nervous now. 

"Aww, come on Logan, you're already all dressed for the part and everything," Camille said encouragingly. "And I can offer better advice if I see James run through the scene seriously. It's not like I'm making you do the kiss."

Logan stared at Camille, who stared back at him. James was wondering whether he needed to try to use his powers of Logan-persuasion or his powers of Camille-persuasion (which, admittedly, were not as fine-tuned) when he could see Logan break.

"You're not allowed to laugh at me," he said with a frown.

"Of course," she answered with a warm smile. "Now, where should I sit?"

They told her to take a seat on the side of the couch along the wall, and then James gave Logan a final look to make sure he was really okay with this. Logan smiled and gave a half-shrug as if to say 'What choice is there?' and then he walked to the doorway that led to the bedrooms. 

James wasn't really buying it, but he also wasn't sure what he was allowed to say about it since he was supposed to be pretending something hadn't happened.

He didn't know how they managed to get through the scene. It was different from the day before; Logan was still super-hot and he still made James's heart race when he seemed to have trouble saying some of the more emotional lines. But there was a little less intensity this time. And less touching; just a brief stroke of James's cheek before Logan pulled his hand away like he had done something wrong.

And there was no kiss. James had known better than to hope for that with Camille in the room, but he wasn't sure where Logan stood on the whole kissing issue right now anyway. Maybe Carlos had been right about them needing to talk, although he also wasn't sure what that whole 'two options' thing he was going on about was. Carlos had been pretty tired when he tried explaining it. 

"What, no kiss?" Camille said when the scene ended, sounding cheated.

"You said we didn't have to!" Logan shot back.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't," she replied. "It's important to the scene! And James needs to practice it."

"Yeah well, he can practice it with someone else," Logan said, distantly.

That hurt a little.

"You big sissy," Camille said teasingly, before hopping off the couch and running over to give James a hug where he was still sitting. "You were great, James!"

"Really?" he asked, the hurt forgotten with the praise.

"Yeah. You should run through it a few more times to make sure you're completely comfortable, but if you do that well at the audition they'd be crazy not to give you the part!"

He grinned at her, then Logan was speaking again. "When is the audition, anyway?"

James looked up to see him leaning against the counter. He looked kind of embarrassed, but James didn't know why. "Wednesday."

"Wow, that soon?"

"Yeah," Camille answered. "They're trying to get the last few parts cast quickly. I still don't know what they're going to do about Felix, though."

"They should totally just hire Logan," James said. "I mean, look at him."

"Stop that, James," Logan said, but he couldn't hide a slight smile.

"You were surprisingly good," Camille agreed with a nod. "Think you can do that in front of a casting director?"

He laughed. "Um, no. And James would be better at it anyway."

"That is true," James said, grinning when Logan glared at him.

"If you want to try for it, James, I might be able to get you an audition," Camille said. 

James turned to look at her, wide-eyed. "Really?"

She nodded. "Yeah. When I first told you about the Oliver role they had narrowed down the choices for Felix already, but no one can make up their minds. They might be open to new suggestions."

"You should go for it," Logan said.

James thought for a moment, but shook his head. "No. That would be totally awesome, and I'd make a kick-ass spy and all, but you guys would want to kill me for bailing all the time to work on the movie."

Plus James knew he really wasn't good enough for a role like that. Not yet, anyway. Better to try for one he actually had a chance at.

Logan chuckled. "Yeah, that's probably true. And you'll make a kick-ass boyfriend-of-a-spy-who-might-secretly-be-a-spy-himself, too."

Now Camille laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, yeah, Oliver's totally a spy too, we decided this," James explained, face serious. "He just doesn't say anything because he knows it would put Felix in even more danger."

"No, he doesn't say anything because he cares more about his job than his boyfriend," Logan argued.

James scoffed. "Did you _see_ how heartbroken he was when Felix said he had to leave? Felix is the one choosing his _career_ over _love_."

"It's not just a career! He has the safety of the whole country on his shoulders! Or…something!"

Camille giggled. "You two are adorable."

"Oh, we know," James replied immediately.

"I don't," Logan said, eyebrows scrunched.

"Well you should," James told him. "Because we are."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Are we done here? Can I go back to lounging on the couch in my pajamas now?"

"Nope," Camille said, hopping up from the couch. "We're going out."

"…We are?" Logan looked…apprehensive? James thought that was the right word.

James frowned at Camille. "Where are you going?"

"No, where are _we_ going," she corrected. "I'm taking you guys to brunch."

"Kendall put you up to this, didn't he?" Logan asked her.

Her eyes went wide. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Logan. Are you trying to tell me you think I have to have an ulterior motive to want to spend some time with my two favorite guys? I thought we were all friends, Logan. I've missed you lately, you haven't missed me at all?" Her lip was quivering a little.

"No, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant at all!" Logan said hurriedly. "I've missed hanging out with you, too."

"Good," she said, smile breaking through. "Now go get ready."

"Okay, I'll have to take a shower first, though."

"Well chop chop, then!" She clapped again, and he scurried off to his room.

"Wear something nice!" James called to Logan as he left. Unfortunately James hadn't thought to say it quick enough, so he didn't get to see his expression. 

Then he looked up at Camille, in awe of her Logan-handling abilities. "Man, you're impressive."

"Oh, I know," she said, smiling down at him. "Now," she continued as she flopped back on the couch, "you really do need to practice the kiss in that scene. If Logan's too chicken to help you I can try to find someone else. Or I guess I could do it, although I don't know how Logan would feel about that, and you should probably practice with a guy anyway. "

James shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I should probably hold off on kissing any more friends for a while."

He didn't think about the words as he was saying them, but he noticed Camille looking at him strangely. Then her eyes went wide. "You two totally kissed when you rehearsed that scene before!"

"What?" James said, eyebrows about as high as they could go. "No we didn't. Who told you that?"

"Oh my God, you totally did! You and Logan kissed!"

James was starting to panic now. He looked around, then grabbed Camille's hand and pulled her off the couch. He hurried them into the bathroom, then turned to shut and lock the door.

"…Why are we in the bathroom?" Camille asked, sounding amused.

"Because I don't want Logan to hear us!" he whispered. "Look, if he knows that you know he's going to kill me, so you can't say anything, okay?"

"Is this why you two are being weird with each other? Well, Kendall said you were anyway, you guys don't seem any weirder than usual to me. Mostly just cute. Oh my God do you like him?!"

"Wait," James said, trying very hard to focus on one thing at a time. "Kendall _did_ say something to you?"

"Of course he did, why do you think I hunted you down this morning? I knew something was up when we were hanging out last night, but you wouldn't give me any details. And all Kendall would say is that you and Logan were being weird, and you needed to talk it out but you wouldn't listen to him or Carlos. So he asked for my help, but I would have tried talking to you again anyway. So you kissed! I figured it might have something to do with that scene, I thought if I made you guys do it again I'd find out what went wrong. But you _kissed_! No wonder things got weird, does Kendall know? Wait a—oh _oh_ was Logan the guy you kissed first, the one you wouldn't tell me about?!"

James was looking down at her, not sure where to start because he had to be very careful with what he said. This would be so much easier if he could just tell Camille everything, like he'd wanted to the night before. He had just told her Logan was helping him rehearse and about him falling and getting hurt, but that was about it. The rest of the evening they'd talked about James's date, and strategies for finding future dates. It had been a nice distraction from worrying about everything with Logan.

There was a knock on the door before James could decide what to say. "Um, is someone in there?" Logan asked. James fiddled with the lock and opened the door, then looked down at a wide-eyed Logan. "Oh, wow, um. Both of you are in here. O…okay…."

"Nothing happened!" James said quickly, racking his brain for some excuse.

"We were talking about boys," Camille said.

"…In the bathroom?" Logan looked skeptical. 

"I needed to fix my hair!" James blurted out.

"…Your hair looks exactly the same."

"Well that's because you interrupted me!"

"…Whatever, can I have the bathroom now?" Logan asked, and James didn't know what that new expression was. 

"Oh, sure," James said. He and Camille walked out of the bathroom. "Hey, where's my shirt?" James asked, turning back to look at Logan.

"On my bed," he answered. "Go get it if you want it." Then he closed the door.

"So," Camille said once they were out of the kitchen, "do you like him or not?"

The question made James nervous, although it never had when he was asked before. "He's my friend."

"That's not an answer."

"I have to go get ready!" James said, scurrying away to the hall. He'd already taken a shower before he snuck out of the apartment that morning.

"I'll be here when you get back!" Camille called after him. 

James made sure to take a really long time getting ready.

 

* * * * * *

 

Brunch was a blast. Having Camille with them dissipated any sort of weird tension between James and Logan, because whenever they started looking awkwardly at each other she would either change the subject or just try to embarrass them into getting irritated.

Well, embarrass _Logan_ into getting irritated, anyway. And then she would laugh, or James would say something ridiculous, and everything would be okay again.

He could have done without the constant pointing out of hot guys, though. Especially since the first time James commented on a guy and Camille agreed, James followed it up with "…But Logan's hotter." And then, of course, it became a _thing_.

So now it was 'Oh that guy's hot!', pause, '…But Logan's hotter.' Like every five minutes. And they were both doing it. And giggling about it.

It was slowly driving Logan over the edge, and so no one could have blamed him for putting a stop to the game in probably the stupidest way possible.

"Oh, look at him," Camille said, nodding out the window they were seated next to.

"Who?" James asked, all attentive focus as he tried to spot whomever Camille had seen.

"Him, right there. The suit, with that bright green tie."

"Hmm…oh!" James said, apparently finding the guy. "Yep, he's pretty hot."

Logan made a cursory glance at the window, without even really seeing anything. And then he said, "But James is hotter."

And then he realized what he'd said.

And then he thought he might die.

James started coughing; apparently he'd been eating or drinking something and was choking a little on it. That distracted them all for a second, as they waited to make sure James was okay. Then he was staring at Logan, wide-eyed, and Logan could see the grin forming just beneath the surface.

"Shut up," Logan said, face burning.

"Oh I didn't say anything," James replied, shaking his head slightly.

"But I'm going to!" Camille said, surprise and excitement in her voice. Logan didn't even dare to look at her, he just pushed his plate away and buried his face in his arms on the table. Then he felt someone poking him. "Aww, don't hide from your _feelings_ , Logan," Camille teased. "James totally likes you anyway."

"I never said that!" James said, a little too loudly, and Logan lifted his head to shush him.

"We're in a restaurant, keep it down."

"I never said that!" he repeated to Logan, voice quieter this time.

"Can we just drop this entire conversation and go back to talking about Camille's job or, you know, just eat our food?"

"Nope," Camille said. "Something is up with you two, and I want to know what it is. Or I'm going to start bugging people at other tables and asking them which one of you is hotter. You know, for science. You like science, Logan."

"Kendall totally put you up to this," Logan accused with a glare.

She grinned. "Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you if he did."

Logan sighed, and thought about it. Camille was their friend. He could trust her with this, he knew. And he had a feeling not trusting her would result in regret, misery, and possibly pain, though who exactly would be in pain was not easy to determine.

"You won't tell anyone, right?" he asked, looking her straight in her pretty brown eyes.

She gave him a sincere smile. "Of course not, Logan. Not even Kendall."

"Kendall already knows everything anyway," James muttered. "Well…almost everything."

"He does? So he knows about—" She stopped in mid-sentence, eyes going wide.

"…Knows about what?" Logan asked, suspicious.

"Um, she uh, knows we kissed," James said, voice full of guilt. "For the scene," he added hurriedly, and Logan at least appreciated the clarification.

"Sorry Logan, he didn't really tell me, I just sort of figured it out," Camille explained.

Another sigh. "Whatever, it's fine, we would have gotten to that anyway. And yeah, Kendall knows. But uh, if we're gonna do this maybe we should start at the beginning."

"You mean…?" James asked, and Logan looked over to see him blinking in surprise.

Logan nodded. "If that's okay with you?" James shrugged, so Logan continued. "The beginning. So, freshman year…James and I made a pact."

————

"You got caught _again_?" Camille asked, eyes wide. She was doing a good job of not giggling about everything. Not a perfect job, but a respectable one.

"And that's why Logan fell," James said, looking guilty once more. "Kendall yelled and it startled us, and when Logan tried to get away from me he fell."

"Oh, wow! So uh, that bruise is a badge of a different sort of honor, huh?"

Logan had no idea what that was supposed to mean but he was pretty sure Camille was trying to be dirty, so he just rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, now you're pretty much caught up, except for…" Logan went quiet, and glanced up at James. There would be no talking about the shoulder-kissing, and Logan wanted to convey that fact silently if he could. 

But the other thing, the weird touch that had caused all the awkwardness…maybe they should tell her about that?

"Except what?" Camille prodded. "Come on, you two can't hold out on me now!"

"I don't know how to say it, um…James came to check on me before we went to the studio, and we were just sitting there talking, and our hands kind of brushed together?"

"Yeah, like this," James said, apparently with the program. He reached his hand out across the table and waited for Camille to do the same, then ran his palm lightly against hers. "Like that."

She looked at them with an eyebrow raised. "And…?"

"I don't know!" Logan said. "It wasn't like a normal touch."

"It was weird," James said. "It was…scary."

Now she was looking at them like they were crazy. "Scary? Logan?"

Logan shrugged. "I don't understand it either. But it was."

"Ooookay…scary how?"

"Like…" James said, his voice soft. Logan could tell even without looking—because he totally wasn't going to look at James while they were talking about this—that he was thinking hard. "Like it was just _too much_. Too much…feeling. Like there was too much possible. Or…something."

Logan nodded, impressed that James had been able to put that into words. Logan had been trying to since it happened. "What he said."

The look on Camille's face was getting stranger and stranger. "…What?" they finally both said.

"I don't know, I kind of…am starting to think neither one of you has actually ever had a crush on someone before. Which is upsetting to me," she added, with a pointed, hurt look at Logan.

"What?!" Logan said immediately. "No, I totally did like you, Camille, you know that!"

"Did," she repeated dryly. "Because now you just have a crush on super-spy Milla. And James."

James giggled, and Logan shot him a hard glare. "Shut up, James. And what does having a crush have to do with anything anyway?"

Camille shrugged. "That's just what it sounds like to me, like you two totally have a thing for each other and it just caught you off-guard. I don't know why that would be scary, but you are teenage boys, so. Maybe that's explanation enough."

Logan thought about this. That answer seemed way too simple, but it was currently the only one they had. 

"Have you guys touched since then?"

"Not really," James answered. "Just that little bit when we were doing the scene."

"And you shoved me in the hallway," Logan reminded him.

"That doesn't really count though, I touched your shirt."

"What _ever_ ," Logan said. "What's your point, Camille?"

"You should touch now. See what happens."

"What?" Logan asked, immediately embarrassed. "No."

But he'd made the mistake of leaving his hands on the table, and suddenly there were fingers touching the back of one, tentatively. A tingle like a spark of electricity shot through Logan's body at the contact and he watched, mesmerized, as James ran fingers across his knuckles. Logan's breath caught in his throat as they moved to his palm, sliding in slowly until James was holding his hand, their fingers interlaced.

Logan stared at their hands, then looked up at James to see _him_ staring down at their hands. "Weird," James breathed, unmoving. 

Camille giggled and they both turned to look at her, startled, but neither one said anything. 

"You two are ridiculous," she said, raising an eyebrow. "Cute, but so silly. I've never seen anyone look so spacey over holding hands before, and I work in film and television!"

Logan scowled and tried to pull his hand away but James tightened his grip. Logan looked up at him, questioning.

"I like it," James said, voice at a normal volume but with a whisper-like quality to it. "You don't like it?"

And that just sent more heat all through Logan. He might have shuddered a little, too. "We're in public, James." Hey, his voice also had that weird quality.

"Right," James said, but he was looking back at their hands again. Two seconds later and he was blinking like he'd just come out of a trance. "Oh, right!" He let go of Logan's hand, and blushed.

If nothing else, Logan sure did like to see James blush.

"Oh God, you two," Camille said, and Logan caught her smiling while she rolled her eyes. "Just ask him out already."

"What? No!" Logan said, aghast. 

"Wait, who are you talking to?" James asked.

"Both of you. One of you just do it."

"He'll say no," James said, and then he was turned in his seat to look Logan straight in the eyes. Logan steeled himself to not look away, but damn James was pretty. And looking way too earnest right now. "Logan, will you go out on a date with me?"

"No," Logan said. It only took him a few seconds to work up to it.

James's face only fell a little, and Logan wondered what that meant. "See?" James asked, glancing back at Camille. "He said no."

"Ask him again. Logan, you should say yes this time."

Logan turned to her in a huff. "Camille, I don't care what sort of responsibility Kendall handed off to you, you don't get to decide this for us! And Kendall doesn't either, with his 'These are your two options' crap."

"What are you talking about?" she asked him, bemusement in her tone. 

"Oh, Kendall told you about the options thing?" James asked, making Logan glance back at him again.

"Did Carlos tell you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but it didn't make any sense to me. He was mostly asleep when I got home."

"Oh great, so I get to explain this stupidity to you." Logan sighed. "Okay, apparently Kendall and Carlos have decided they don't like whatever's going on with us right now."

"Well duh, we already knew that, although I think Carlos said something about not caring if we date now?"

"…Really?" Logan asked, taken aback. Although given that one of their options _was_ dating, that shouldn't be surprising. 

"Yeah, but I couldn't get an explanation out of him."

"Oh. Well, anyway, Kendall said they came up with two options for us to choose from." He hesitated.

"…And they are?" James finally asked, eyebrows raised.

"Really stupid, is what they are," Logan muttered. Then he took a deep breath. "He says we can either be regular, normal friends again or we can start dating, like officially. But we have to tell them either way."

Camille laughed. "You guys are so stupid." Logan ignored her.

James furrowed his eyebrows. "But…you don't want people to know you like guys."

Logan shrugged. "He said we could keep it a secret from fans and stuff. But I don't think—"

"Oh, awesome!" James interrupted, face lighting up. "Then we'll pick that one. So you will go out with me, right?"

It probably wasn't really nice of Logan to groan in frustration the way he did, but oh well. "No, James!"

And now James's face _really_ fell, and Logan felt sort of horrible. "Look, James, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings—"

"You're not asking him right," Camille interrupted. "You're getting too excited, James. Stop and think."

Logan turned to give her the harshest glare he could muster, and saw her looking back at both of them with a coolly controlling expression. It reminded him a little of Kendall, and a little of Milla, and it was a lot scary. 

"I'm not? I am?" James asked, sounding bewildered. "Dammit, why am I so bad at asking out boys?!"

And then Camille broke into a full-out laugh, catching the attention of other diners halfway across the restaurant.

"Camille!" Logan hissed at her. "Stop it, you're being disruptive!"

She covered her mouth until she had calmed down enough to contain the laughter. "I have no idea, James," she finally said, "but I'm not talking about asking out a boy. I'm talking about asking out Logan."

"Why thank you, Camille," Logan said with as much disbelief and sarcasm he could shove into those four words. She was actually acting _way_ too much like Kendall. 

"You know what I meant," Camille replied, and scooted her chair away from the table. "Look, I'm going to the restroom. Just think, James. You know him better than anyone, right?"

"Well, I guess, but—"

She stopped him with a pat on the shoulder as she circled the table. "Then you'll be just fine." 

As she left, Logan could see James thinking. "James, it doesn't matter how many times—"

"Shh," James said, holding up a finger to Logan. For whatever reason, that actually made him shut up. James sat in silent thought for a moment longer.

"Logan," he finally said, and his tone was different. Serious, with an edge of something that made Logan's heart flutter. Longing? No, that would be silly. Right?

And then James was scooting his chair a little closer, and once again Logan had been stupid in leaving his hands exposed, because James was touching one of them again. He wasn't as hesitant this time, but he still moved his fingers slow and soft against Logan's until they were settled together like before. 

The flutter in Logan's heart got stronger, but he felt that now-familiar fear start to creep back in. And then his face was being turned, so gently, until he was looking at James. And, well.

James was really fucking pretty.

"Hey Logan," James said, and he was smiling just a little, just enough to make Logan want to smile back except he was more focused on trying to breathe. James was rubbing his thumb along the back of Logan's hand and it was sending constant tingles up Logan's arm.

He couldn't say anything. He opened his mouth and tried, but nothing came out, so he just sort of left his jaw hanging stupidly open as James just _stared_ at him.

"Let me take you out on a date," James finally said in that same serious tone. "Just once. We'll have fun. Please, Logan."

Logan bit his lip. Stupid Camille, making James remember that oh hey, Logan can't actually say no to him for very long. Not if he really wants something.

And apparently, right now he really wanted Logan.

Logan took in a slow, deep breath, gathering up his ridiculously low amount of willpower so that he could at least say this without his voice cracking.

"I…will think about it. James."

Logan watched the smile widen into a soft grin, and then James's free hand was holding Logan in place while James leaned up to kiss his forehead. 

"Was that really necessary?" Logan asked, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks.

"Totally and completely," James replied, voice back to normal. He released Logan's hand, trailing fingers along his arm as he moved away and making Logan shudder. "Can I text Carlos and tell him?"

The excitement in the request made it hard to deny. "Whatever, go ahead, he's going to find out anyway."

"Awesome," James said, taking out his phone and typing away.

Logan watched him, feeling a smile pulling at his lips. James was a walking Terrible Idea factory, but he was just so damn cute sometimes. And definitely way hotter than that businessman with the green tie, whatever the guy had looked like. 

Figuring one more stupid move wouldn't hurt, Logan reached up and poked James in the cheek, smushing his smile a bit before withdrawing the hand. James glanced away from his phone, eyebrows raised, to find Logan looking innocently at him.

And then something passed over James's face, and Logan knew he was trying to decide how much he could get away with while they were in the restaurant like this. Logan was opening his mouth to stop that train of thought in its tracks when Camille returned to the table and Logan was safe. Well. Safer, anyway.

Except that saying 'I'll think about it' was as good as a yes, and now that he'd said yes to a date with James Logan would never really be safe again. Not even a little bit.


	9. The Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kendall & Carlos continue to be helpful, while James & Logan have a talk about ~feelings~. Sort of.

"Do you think he knows that guy has been flirting with him since we got in here?"

Logan shook his head. "Nope. Well, not any more than he thinks everyone who sees him is flirting with him."

Camille giggled softly. "He's probably too distracted by the clothes."

"Very possible," Logan agreed.

They were in a small boutique not far from the cafe where they'd had brunch. Camille had mentioned a pie and ice cream shop a few blocks down and of course James insisted they go immediately. On their leisurely stroll down the street, though, they kept getting distracted by the small businesses on the way. This was the second clothing store they'd been in, and there had also been a pet store with a weekend adoption fair going on where they played with puppies and kittens for a good half-hour. Logan had also spotted some shop advertising a Halloween sale a little further down that he suspected they would be spending quite a while in.

One of the employees at this shop, an attractive, well-dressed guy who Logan guessed was around 20, had taken an instant interest in James as soon as they walked in. And James was…well, James, so he was basically flirting back unintentionally, because this guy knew stuff about clothes and kept complimenting James on the things he was picking out to try on. 

Logan was sort of fascinated by the whole exchange, because it showed James really had no idea what he was doing when it came to guys. If the employee had been a girl James would have had her number already, but with this guy he was just being normally friendly and outgoing. It was an interesting contrast from when James had originally tried to pick up guys, because then he had been coming on too strong and ignoring hints when someone wasn't interested, while today it was the complete opposite. He wasn't turning on any extra charm, but he didn't need to either; the employee's interest only seemed to be getting stronger the more he and James chatted, while James was obviously unaware.

"You really like him, don't you?" Camille asked.

"Hmm?" It took a second for that to sink in, and then Logan turned to her, blinking. "What? Why are you saying that?"

She smiled, but it seemed a little…reserved, almost. "The way you're watching him. Your expression is even dopier than that sales guy's."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Dopey? You're calling me dopey now?"

Camille shrugged. "I just call it like I see it." She turned her attention back to the hat display they were standing next to before saying nonchalantly, "But you do, don't you?"

"…I don't know," Logan replied, sighing a little and then giving her a half-smile. She glanced up at him, obviously expecting more of an answer. He turned away to fiddle with one of the hats before continuing.

"Look, I've been trying to figure that out for weeks and I just…can't. He's _James_. He's my best friend. He's fun to hang with when he's not driving me crazy. He's an idiot except when he's sort of brilliant. He makes me do stupid, stupid things and he's…sometimes kind of amazing."

"And he's really hot."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yes Camille, and he's really hot."

"I really am."

Logan jumped in surprise, then spun around to see James grinning at him, arms full of clothes.

"We weren't talking about you," Logan lied. 

"Liar," James replied immediately.

"Everything is not always about you, James."

"It pretty much is. Or at least it should be. Come on, I'm trying stuff on and you guys have to tell me how great I look."

"No we don't," Logan told him, quirking an eyebrow.

Then James turned on his sad-puppy eyes and after a second Camille was chuckling. "Lead the way, James," she said. James grinned again and started walking away, and Camille stepped behind Logan to steer him along with her hands on his shoulders.

"Ouch," Logan said, wincing a little.

"Oh, sorry!" she said immediately, and dropped her hand from his right shoulder. "I totally forgot about that, are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "It mostly just startled me. But you don't have to push me, I'm going."

He felt hands in the middle of his back before Camille pushed hard, sending him forward a few steps. "Then go," she said. Logan turned back to glare at her, then followed James.

They waited outside the dressing room for him and while there the flirty employee came up to them, smiling a little. Logan gave a tentative smile back, and Camille said hi.

"Hi," the guy replied. "So you two aren't shopping today?"

"Nope, we're just here for moral support," Camille answered. 

Logan laughed, because James didn't need any sort of support to buy clothes. "He's trying on enough clothes for three people anyway," he added with a smile.

The employee chuckled, then seemed to hesitate for a second. "So…does he belong to either of you?"

There was a moment of silence while Logan tried to process an answer to that question. "Belong?" he finally asked.

"Him," Camille said, and Logan could see her jerk a thumb in his direction. 

"What?! He does not!" 

"Stop being so in denial, Logan."

"De…denial?! James does not belong to me, he doesn't _belong_ to anyone! He's not a _thing_."

"It's just a figure of speech," the employee said. 

"Exactly," Camille agreed, nodding.

"Well it's a _stupid_ figure of speech," Logan shot back, crossing his arms. 

"Oookay, let me rephrase," the employee said. "Would either of you be pissed if I gave him my number?"

"No," Logan said before he gave himself time to think about it. Then he felt a little weird, but he ignored it.

"Really?" That was Camille, sounding disbelieving. 

"What, would you care?" he asked. She gave him a very distinct 'You _know_ that's not what I mean' look. He ignored that too, and turned back to the employee. "Go ahead if you want." Given his success rate with asking guys out, it would probably make James's day to get a number from a random cute boy at a clothing store. 

Then Logan turned towards the dressing room and asked loudly, "James, did you get lost in there?"

A second later the door opened and a head poked out. "Nope, I was just trying to listen to you guys talk about me."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Camille started laughing. If she were a guy Logan would have smacked her.

Logan was still trying to think of something appropriately scathing to say when James turned to the nameless employee with what was now a definitely intentional flirty smile. "Number?" Logan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"On the way out," the employee said, returning James's smile. They heard the bell on the shop door ring, and the guy looked back to see more customers walk in. "Well, you guys let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Oh, definitely," James said. His tone made Logan want to throw his hands up in the air but he settled for another eye-roll.

When the dude left James stepped out of the dressing room to show off his outfit. Camille whistled appreciatively, making James grin. Then he turned to Logan. "Well?"

Logan shrugged. "They're clothes, James."

"Yeah, but how do they _look_?"

"…Like clothes."

James made a face. "Come on Logan, you have to tell me what I look hot in so I'll know what to wear for our date."

"You sure you don't mean your date with Mr. Thinks People Are Possessions?"

He got identical answering stares from both James and Camille. 

"What?" Logan asked, looking from one to the other.

"You're jealous!" they said together.

Logan scoffed. "Jealous of what? The fact that if James wasn't so nosy he would have been totally oblivious until the dude wrote his number on the back of the receipt?" They were staring at him again, but the expressions didn't match this time. " _What_?"

"So mean," James said. "But it's cute."

"Don't you have more clothes to try on?"

"Yep. Lots more. Don't go anywhere," he said as he slipped back into the dressing room.

As soon as the door was closed Logan was about to let out a heavy sigh when he felt a hand on his wrist. He looked over at Camille, who put a finger to her lips before dragging him away. They didn't go far, but it was far enough that James probably couldn't hear them.

"What's up?" he asked her.

"You _are_ jealous," she said. Her voice sounded a little odd.

"I am not," Logan replied automatically. 

"Why are you being so stupidly stubborn over this? You _like_ him, you don't want him to go out with that guy, why won't you just admit it?"

"There's nothing to _admit_ ," Logan said, returning the scowl she was giving him. "And what's up with you anyway? You've been acting…weird, today."

Camille stepped back from him. "This isn't about me, Logan. It's about you being stupid, and leading people on, and—" She stopped, and took a breath. "Look, just go tell that guy you don't want him asking James out."

Logan studied Camille for a second. Something was definitely going on with her, but he was starting to get a little pissed. "Why do you keep trying to tell me what to do? You're being worse than Kendall. Even if I _did_ care what's going on with James and his…boutique-boy I wouldn't say anything about it, because in case you forgot I'm trying to _not_ broadcast my sexuality to the world and _oh my God_ what if he knows who we are?"

"What?" Camille sounded concerned, and Logan realized he was starting to panic. In a major way.

"What if he knows, Camille? What if he knows who we are and you basically just told him I have a thing for James and what if he tells people and—oh _fuck_ the restaurant!"

"Logan? Logan are you okay?"

He really, really wasn't. "How could I have been so _stupid_ oh my God I let him hold my hand and kiss my forehead and ask me out _in public_ and anyone could have seen! And what if they took pictures and posted them online? Everyone will know and our fans will hate us and no one will buy the next album and—"

"Logan!" Camille's hands were on his shoulders, and she'd been trying to look him in the eye but Logan couldn't focus on anything. Finally she grabbed his chin and held it, forcing eye contact. "Logan, calm _down_."

He shook his head rapidly, feeling his heart pound against his chest as he tried to catch his breath. The scenarios were playing out in his mind and this was it, this was going to be the end of BTR and it was _his_ fault, for letting this thing with James come this far. 

"Guys?"

"Over here, James," Camille said, but Logan wasn't paying attention. He was trying not to throw up.

"What are you—dude, Logan, what's wrong?"

"Everything!" Logan told him, eyes wide. "Everything is wrong, everything's _ruined_ …"

"He just needs some fresh air," Camille said.

"Okay. Come on, Logan," James said, and then there was an arm around his waist. That didn't really help Logan's state of mind any.

"James get off of me!" he hissed, smacking at the arm.

"You can't leave the store with those clothes on anyway," Camille told him. "I'll take him outside, you can meet us out there."

A few minutes later Logan was leaning forward against a building outside, trying to breathe normally again as Camille rubbed his back soothingly.

"Better now?" she asked him.

"Yes and no," he told her. "I really can't believe I was that stupid. If anyone saw us…"

"Logan." Her tone was stern, and he glanced over at her. "That cafe was full of old people. Well, old _er_ people, anyway. I picked it on purpose, you know? I don't think you have to worry about any of your fans seeing you in there."

He turned around to settle his back against the wall and sighed. "I hope you're right. But I can't…I can't _do_ this, Camille. I can't go out with him. I knew that, I've known that forever, but…dammit he makes it hard to remember."

"Logan!"

Logan turned his head to see James hurrying towards them, a worried look on his face. "Hey," Logan said with a smile. "You didn't have to leave, I know you had more clothes to try on."

James shook his head. "I can go back. You're more important than clothes."

"Am I?"

"A little, at least," James answered with a flash of a grin. "So what happened? Did you go crazy with jealousy? Were you having dirty thoughts about me and shop-dude? Er…" James looked down at a piece of paper in his hand. "Nathan?"

"…You stopped to get his number?!"

"Was that bad?" James asked, wide-eyed and innocent.

Logan opened his mouth to say something, but he had no idea what it was so he shut it again.

"I give up," Camille said with a sigh. "You two are impossible, and I've done as much as I can. You're Kendall's problem now."

"I _knew_ he put you up to this," Logan told her, feeling vindicated. 

"Does that mean we're going home?" James asked. "Do we still get pie first?"

"It _is_ really good pie," Camille said. "Logan, you okay to go?"

"Yeah, I guess," he answered. "Let's go get some pie."

Much to Logan's relief, the issues of his freak-out and any potential dates weren't brought up again while they were out. And Camille had been right, it was some pretty tasty pie.

When they got back home Logan wanted to head straight to his room so he could have some quiet time alone to just _think_ and figure all of this out, but he should have known better. Because James had told Carlos about asking Logan out, and of course Carlos had told Kendall, and so both of them were waiting in the living room that afternoon. 

Right next to a dry-erase board that said 'Ideas for James & Logan's Super-Fun First Date!' at the top and had the numbers one through ten listed down the side. 

Carlos was grinning at them like this was the most exciting thing in the world. Kendall was grinning at them like he was about to watch a great show.

Logan silently moved 'Find new friends' higher up on his mental to-do list.

 

* * * * * * 

 

"I refuse to be a part of this," Logan said as they sat on the couch.

"You're already a part of this," Kendall told him, then pointed at the dry-erase board. "See, your name's up there."

"I don't even know what 'this' is," James said. Although he was a little more interested in finding out than Logan seemed to be.

" _This_ ," Kendall explained, "is exactly what it says it is. A brainstorming session for 'Ideas for James & Logan's Super-Fun First Date! Yay!'" He pointed at each word in turn, including the tiny 'Yay!' shoved in the corner.

"I added the 'yay,'" Carlos informed them.

"We don't need to have any brainstorming sessions!" Logan protested.

"Maybe we do," James said tentatively.

"…What?"

Logan was looking at him in confusion, and James tried not to be embarrassed. "Well, I mean… _you've_ never been on a date with a boy before, and…" _I've only been on one…_ "And Kendall and Carlos went to all this trouble, and all."

"We really want to help," Carlos said.

"Because you two are completely hopeless on your own," Kendall added.

"Oh screw you Kendall," Logan said, standing up from the couch. "I don't want any part of this, okay? I haven't even decided whether I'm going on the stupid date!"

James looked up at Logan, eyes wide. "'Stupid date'?"

"That's not—that's not what I meant, James." Logan sighed. "I just—I need to think, okay? And you two need to mind your own damn business."

"This _is_ our business, Logan," Kendall said, in a tone that wasn't exactly friendly. "I've been saying from the beginning this is going to affect things—"

"You think I don't know that?" Logan cut in, obviously getting angry. "You think I can't see how badly this could all end up? But dammit Kendall, you can't force us into anything. Or out of anything, or decide where we're going on _our own_ date! You either trust James and me or you don't, and stop trying to fucking _control_ everything. And stop sending us babysitters, this wasn't any of Camille's business either. Now I'm going to my room, so just—leave me the hell alone for a while."

He turned, fuming, and soon had disappeared into the hallway. James jumped up to follow, but Kendall stopped him. 

"Let him go, James."

James looked at Kendall for a second, then started walking again.

"James, he said he wants to be alone…" Carlos said. 

"You don't understand," James said, turning back to them. "If I leave him alone he's going to say no." As soon as they'd had a minute alone together, Camille had told him why Logan freaked out in the store. 

"Would that be so bad?" Kendall asked. "I mean, it would make things so much simpler if you two just stopped all this."

"I don't want _simple_ ," James said, the words flying out of his mouth with no conscious thought behind them. "I want Logan."

Carlos grinned, then glanced at Kendall. "Told you."

"Yeah, yeah, you can stop saying that now," Kendall said, waving a hand at Carlos. "Whatever, James, just give him a minute to cool down. Let him start feeling sorry for himself 'cause no one came after him."

"…Oh. Okay."

"In the meantime let's plan your date!" Carlos said, excited. "Okay, so Kendall wouldn't let me write down anything before you guys got home, but I have some _awesome_ ideas."

———

"Go away, James."

James cracked the door and stuck his head inside. "How'd you know it was me?"

Logan was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with his hands resting on his stomach. "I just figured it was."

"Oh. You really want me to go away?"

"Yes."

After debating with himself for a few seconds James started backing out of the door.

"Wait," Logan said before James had closed it again. He heard a sigh. "Get in here."

James did as he was told, then walked over and sat on the edge of Logan's bed, watching him.

"Are they still brainstorming?" Logan asked after a second.

"They were when I left."

"I wonder what made Carlos change his mind about everything?"

"Oh, I asked him about that," James told him. 

"Really?" Logan looked at him for the first time since James had opened the door, but quickly looked away again.

"Yeah," James said with a nod. "He said when he realized how much we like each other he felt bad for standing in our way." That was all Carlos had said, but James figured there was more to it; something must have convinced him he wouldn't be left behind. Or some _one_.

"Hmm. What did you tell him?"

James reached out to trail fingers along Logan's arm before answering him. "I didn't tell him anything; Kendall started talking again. Something about stip…stipu-somethings."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Stipulations? He mentioned that to me, but I didn't bother asking what the hell he was talking about."

"Yeah, I kind of tuned him out. I think he just doesn't want us to forget he and Carlos exist." Logan let out a soft chuckle, his fingers twitching as James stroked the back of his hand.

"… _Do_ we like each other, James?" Logan asked a moment later, his voice a rough whisper. 

The question made James's chest feel tight, made his breath catch in his throat. He played with Logan's fingers instead of answering, and failed to suppress a shudder when Logan turned his hand around so their palms were touching.

"We're best friends, Logan." James pulled his feet up on the bed so he could turn some and hold Logan's hand properly. 

"You asked me out on a date, James."

"Camille told me to." Logan looked at him then, not buying his excuse. "What? She did," James said, eyebrows raised in his own defense. "And _you_ said you would think about it. Except…I don't want you to."

"Oh? And why's that?" Logan asked, turning his gaze back up to the ceiling. James looked down at their hands clasped loosely together, Logan's thumb moving slowly against James's forefinger. Just like before, he couldn't help staring. Holding hands with Logan like this was weird, weirder than the idea of kissing him ever had been, but James _liked_ it.

"Because," James finally said, "if you think about it you'll say no. Camille…told me what you said at that store. About how you can't go out with me."

"That's because it's a bad idea."

"It's just one date, Logan," James said, looking at his face now. 

"People might recognize us."

"Um, so? That would be awesome. And it's not like they would know we're on a date. We're _friends_ , dude. We hang out all the time anyway."

"They would know if you can't keep your hands to yourself. Or your lips."

There was a slight edge to the words which James didn't at all think was deserved. Even if he did feel kind of bad for being the cause of Logan's freak-out. "I'm sorry about the restaurant, okay?" James said. "I forgot we were in public. I just…really wanted to touch you. And I like holding your hand, Logan." It was way more embarrassing to say it this time than it had been before.

The little smile on Logan's face made it worth it, though. "That's kind of my point. Because I didn't think about it either. But we can't take chances like that, not if we don't want the rumors to start flying."

"I'll do better."

"Yeah, it's not just you I'm worried about."

James grinned at that. "We could just have a date here."

Logan laughed. "Here? As in the Palm Woods, or the apartment?"

"Well, I meant the apartment, but I guess the park could work too."

"Uh yeah, that's a no on both counts."

"Why not?" James asked, pouting some.

"The park's too public, and people go on picnic dates there all the time so it's way too obvious. And if we tried to have a date here we'd just end up making out on the couch again." Logan's face was red by the time he finished talking.

"And…why is that a problem?"

"Because then you'd be telling me it wasn't a _real_ date and try talking me into going out with you again."

"We _could_ forget the whole dating thing and just make out sometimes."

Logan was quiet then. A little too quiet, James thought.

"Hey," James said, squeezing Logan's hand. "That was a joke. Mostly. Stop acting like you're thinking about it. I wanna go out with you." James surprised himself by saying it; normally he would be totally cool with skipping an actual date and going straight to the making-out part.

"Why? Dating is so complicated."

"I don't want simple," James said, echoing his words from earlier. He still didn't know what he meant by them, but something told him they were the truth. "I want you."

Logan looked at him, eyes wide in surprise. James shrugged and smiled. 

"…Just one date?"

James nodded. "Just one. It's not like we're getting married or anything."

A second later and Logan was smirking. "Yeah, if I see any white roses I'm running in the other direction." 

"Haha, very funny, jerk," James told him, poking him in the ribs with his free hand. "So…is that a yes, then?"

After another moment's silence Logan sighed. "I was thinking—"

"I told you not to do that," James interrupted.

"Shut up, let me finish," Logan said, digging his fingers into the back of James's hand for a second. "I was _thinking_ , I told Kendall he could either trust us or not, but that sort of goes both ways. He and Carlos—what?" Logan asked, as James started giggling.

"'Goes both ways.' Like us," James said, raising his eyebrows suggestively and grinning like the immature teenager he apparently was.

Logan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Kendall and Carlos have obviously put a lot of thought into this themselves, so maybe we need to trust them too. If _they_ think it can work…"

He trailed off, and James tried to stop snickering and interpret what he'd said. "So…you're going to let them plan our date? That'll make Carlos happy; he's really excited about it."

Logan laughed. "That wasn't exactly what I meant, but I guess. And then, if anything goes wrong…" He paused, and looked up at James with an expectant smirk.

James barely had to think about it to know what Logan was getting at. "We can blame Kendall?"

"Exactly," Logan agreed with a grin. 

James grinned back. "Scoot over," he said, motioning with his head. Logan looked at him for a second, obviously hesitant, but then he did it anyway. Without letting go of Logan's hand, James turned around and settled on his back next to Logan. "Your bed is really comfortable."

"I know." They laid quietly next to each other for a few minutes, and James could feel himself starting to doze off when Logan spoke again. "Hey are you—nevermind."

"Am I what?" James asked, blinking back the sleepiness.

"Nothing. It's nothing, don't worry about it."

"Tell me." James poked him again. 

"I just—okay, it's none of my business, but I was just gonna ask if you were planning on calling that shop guy. But it's nothing, so. I didn't ask."

James thought for a moment. He actually had been planning on it—that guy was cute, and could probably get him some sort of discount—but… "That would be weird, wouldn't it?"

There was no answer at first, but then he felt Logan shrug. "Maybe. Actually I think it would probably make this whole thing a hell of a lot less scary."

Surprised, James turned to look at Logan but all he could see was the side of his face. "You're still scared?"

"I'm terrified, James. You're not?"

Now it was James's turn to shrug. "I don't know, I mean…not like I was yesterday. Now it's more like…the _good_ kind of scary."

Logan chuckled. "See, I don't think there's any such thing."

"You know what's weird?"

"What?"

"I actually kind of like that about you."

"Since when?" Logan asked, surprise in his voice. James could feel him shift a little, and when he glanced over again Logan was looking at him. 

"Since always, maybe? I've never really thought about it before. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Logan asked, his expression unchanging. 

"Like—oh," James said, a sly smile spreading over his face. "Like you want to kiss me."

"You're so full of it," Logan said, but he was blushing.

"Am I?" James reached up with his free hand to touch Logan's cheek, holding him in place while James moved in closer.

"Hey!" Carlos's voice was muffled through the door, but it was still loud. "Kendall wanted me to find out if you guys are making out in there?"

"Yes!" they both answered right away, then grinned at each other. 

"Oh. Kendall, they said yes!" Carlos shouted.

Logan laughed, and James leaned in to kiss him quickly on the mouth. Logan smiled at him as he pulled away. "We should probably get back out there."

"I'm pretty cool with just staying here," James said, squeezing Logan's hand.

"Yeah well, I'd like to have _some_ sort of input on our own date." Logan sat up, prying his hand away from James before pushing him lightly. "Go on, get up." 

"Now Kendall says to cut it out and get your asses back out here," Carlos yelled from the other side of the door.

"Tell Kendall to fuck off!" James yelled back.

A pause, then: "Kendall, James says to fuck off!"

Logan was quietly cracking up. "Okay, now we have about 10 seconds before Kendall tells Carlos to drag us out of here, or about 20 seconds before Kendall does it himself. So get _up_."

"I have a better idea," James said, not giving Logan the chance to respond before grabbing him and pulling him back down. 

Logan landed half on top of James, which was exactly what he was going for. "James!" Logan said, indignant and startled, but James just grinned and grabbed the back of his neck, holding him there.

"Oh come on guys, gross," they heard Carlos say, and James glanced over to see him stopping on his way towards the bed. "You knew I was right out there!"

"You didn't have to open the door," James said, pleased at Carlos holding his hands up in front of his face, blocking them from view. James had kind of hoped it would be Kendall walking in on them, but he'd settle for this.

"Kendall told me to come get you!"

Logan managed to pull away from James then and swiftly pushed him off the bed, his body making a loud thunk as it hit the floor. Ignoring his cry of pain, Logan hopped over James and strode towards the open door.

"He's all yours, Carlos," Logan said, then he was gone.

"You two just get weirder all the time," Carlos observed, holding out a hand to help James up.

"Maybe," James admitted as he stood up and brushed himself off. Then he fixed Carlos with a meaningful look. "But he's a _really_ good kisser."

"I'll take your word for it," Carlos said before adding with a grin, "I mean, I haven't kissed him since, like, third grade."

James laughed and returned the grin. "I knew you remembered that! You should mention it to him sometime, he'll totally freak out."

"What, why? I mean, I know I wasn't as good a kisser as he thinks you are but—"

"Wait, he said that? That I'm a good kisser?" James asked eagerly, eyes wide. Carlos nodded. "When? When did he say that?"

"Um…when he told me you guys kissed. The first time."

"Ah-HA!" James shouted, triumphant. "I _knew_ he thought so! Logan!" James ran out of the room, intent on throwing this in Logan's face.

"You guys are so weird!" Carlos called after him.

 

* * * * * *

 

Half an hour later and they were no closer to figuring out where James and Logan should go on their date. Logan still thought the whole discussion was sort of ridiculous, but he'd realized quickly that James was right—Carlos was _really_ excited about it. Eventually it had hit him: this was Kendall's way of making sure Carlos still felt involved. 

So as silly as it was for the four of them to be planning this date together, Logan was okay with it. Especially since he really was intending to blame Kendall if everything went to hell like Logan was still pretty sure it would.

"What was wrong with the movies again?" Carlos asked.

"Because they'll start making out in the theater," Kendall told him. Logan made a face but didn't argue.

"Oh. And…what was wrong with the zoo?"

"We've both been there like three times," Logan sighed.

See, this was the problem. Anything that Carlos suggested (the entire board was filled by this point) had something to disqualify it. Either it was someplace James and Logan had already been, with all the guys or on previous dates, or it was something they had no interest in doing (like a haunted house; Carlos was pretty disappointed when that one was shot down). And if not that, then it was something 'too date-like' that might cause suspicion, or had an atmosphere too conducive to making out. Like the movie theater. Or it was something competitive like bowling or mini-golf and Logan had visions of yelling and throwing things and property damages and…no. Just no.

"I still don't know what was wrong with the beach," James pouted from his seat next to Logan.

"Oh really?" Kendall asked. "You don't see what could possibly be wrong with you two having a super-romantic beach date?"

"No one said anything about a super-romantic anything," Logan said, frowning.

"It's just the beach!" James argued. "No one's going to think anything if they see us there!"

"Carlos," Kendall said, turning to him. They were standing on either side of the dry erase board. "Take a look at our friends here. I want you to use your imagination."

"Okay," Carlos said with a nod, giving James and Logan a scrutinizing look.

"Now, Carlos, imagine they are not sitting on an orange couch in a living room. Imagine, instead, they are sitting on a blanket on the beach."

"Got it."

"And now pretend you don't actually know them. Would you think they were on a date?"

"Oh. Um… _oh_. Yeah. Probably?"

"What?!" Logan said, incredulous. "We're just sitting here!"

"No," Carlos said, shaking his head. "Like, okay, I know you guys, so I get it, but…"

"When you guys sat down there was like a foot of space between you," Kendall explained. "Now look at you."

Logan did. And then he kind of saw their point, because James was pressed about as close as he could get to Logan without being in his lap. Logan hadn't even noticed. "James!"

"What? What did I do?"

"You are invading my bubble, James."

That made Carlos laugh, while James just stared at Logan with this amused look on his face. "Is that a problem?"

"Well, I mean, not right _now_ , but—we are seriously never going to be able to go in public again." Logan leaned forward and put his face in his hands. "This is hopeless."

"We can just go with you guys and make sure you don't do anything too…couple-y," Carlos suggested.

"We are not a couple!" Logan said, the fear flaring up for a brief moment.

"Haha, you mean like a _double date_?" James asked, and Logan wasn't looking at him but he could hear the grin. 

Carlos apparently thought that was the funniest thing he'd heard all day, while Kendall just gave an impressive eye-roll. 

"That could be fun," James continued, and Logan wasn't sure which of his friends' reactions he should copy. "Logan and I haven't been on one of those in a while."

Nothing was said after that, though, because the door opened then and Katie walked in. The guys all stared at her for a second, and Logan could almost feel Kendall trying to decide whether this was something she needed to have any knowledge of.

"Hey, what are you guys up to?" she asked as she walked past the kitchen.

"We're trying to figure out where James and Logan should go on their first date!" Carlos replied happily.

" _Carlos_!" All three of them had said it, and he looked around at them sheepishly. 

"Dude!" Katie said, and they turned their attention back on her. "You two are _dating_ now? When did this happen, and why didn't anyone tell me?"

"We're not _dating_ ," Logan clarified. "We…are going on _a_ date."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. You know your fans are going to freak, right?"

"See?!" Logan said, gesturing at Katie before falling back against the couch. And landing on James's arm, which was probably why James had put it there.

"We're counting on them _not_ finding out," Kendall said. "Hence this date-planning meeting. Although…we're having a little trouble coming up with good ideas."

"Hmm." Katie stepped towards the dry erase board, scanning the list. "Uh yeah, these are all pretty terrible," she said, nodding. Carlos whimpered a little, and she turned to him. "Oh, sorry Carlos. They're not bad in _general_ , but you guys have some specific requirements, so none of these will cut it. I mean, ice skating? Seriously? Do you guys want to just carry around signs that say 'hey we're on a date'?"

"That one was mine," Kendall said, sounding grumpy.

Katie shook her head silently before wiping off every idea on the board, and with the face Carlos was making you would have thought someone just stepped on his last corndog. "Marker," she said, holding out her hand. Carlos glanced at Kendall, who nodded, and Carlos handed over the marker with a sigh before retreating to the couch.

"I liked your ideas," James told him.

"Thanks, buddy," Carlos said, attempting a smile.

And then the meeting started all over again.

————

Carlos was quiet for a long time as the discussion went around in circles. Logan didn't even think he was paying any attention, until suddenly he sat straight up in his seat and blurted out "A play!"

They all turned to see him grinning from ear to ear, his whole face lit up. "What?" Kendall asked.

"A play," he repeated. "They can go see a play."

"Why a play?" Logan asked, curious.

" _Because_ ," Carlos said, like it was obvious but he still enjoyed getting to explain, "plays have _acting_ , and James likes acting. And Logan likes smart stuff, and plays are smart, right?" Logan blinked at him, but Carlos wasn't done. "And I haven't been to a play since that field trip freshman year but like, they're not as dark as movie theaters, right? So you wouldn't have to worry about the kissing thing as much. _And_ people who go see plays are all, y'know, intellectual and stuff, so they're not going to recognize you. Or care that you're two dudes seeing a play, 'cause they'll just figure you're all intellectual too."

Everyone was quiet for a long moment, until finally Katie spoke. "Good idea, Carlos, I'll put it on the board."

"It's a _brilliant_ idea!" James said. "Isn't it, Logan?"

"I have to admit, I am impressed," Logan said. It actually wasn't a bad idea at all, as long as they could find a play he and James both had an interest in seeing.

"Good job Carlos," Kendall said. He was sitting on the couch too now, having given the meeting over completely to Katie, and he turned to give Carlos a fist-bump.

"Dude," James added, leaning in for one as well.

Carlos looked at Logan, fist held out expectantly. Logan smiled and bumped it, making Carlos grin even bigger as he sat back in his seat, obviously proud of himself.

"Huh. So I'm done here, then?" Katie said.

"Looks like it. Thanks, baby sister," Kendall answered with a smile. 

"Sure thing, big brother. So, any other major secrets you guys wanna clue me in on?"

"James has an audition this week," Carlos said.

" _Carlos_!" James shouted, reaching across Kendall to smack at him.

"Sorry!"

"James has a _what_?" Katie asked, eyes narrowing dangerously at James.

"Okay, well, I think I'm gonna go finish my homework now," Kendall said, jumping up and hurrying out of the room. 

"Yeah uh, me too?" Carlos agreed, following him.

"I think I'll go see if they need any help," Logan said, and started to scoot off the couch when James's arm tightened around his shoulders. "James—"

"Stay," he said, and the fear in his voice was ridiculous but Logan sighed and gave in anyway.

 _I'll never be safe again_ , Logan thought. It was terrifying.


	10. The Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has his audition, and Logan finally gets a clue.

To Logan's surprise, he didn't see much of James for the next couple of days. Sure they saw each other at school and the studio, but in their free time James never seemed to be around. Which would have been weird anyway, but it was especially weird because Logan had almost forgotten what it was like to _not_ have James always around. After weeks of constant teasing and a weekend of…whatever they were calling that weekend, Logan was finally getting what he'd wanted since their first kiss—some time alone to figure things out.

And what he figured out was that he missed James.

Logan realized this on Wednesday morning, when he was getting dressed and there was a knock on his bedroom door. He went to answer it, zipping up his pants on the way, and opened the door to find James smiling a little nervously down at him.

"Hey," James said.

"Hey," Logan said back, returning the smile. They just stared at each other for a few seconds and that was when it hit Logan; he hadn't felt this nervous excitement since Sunday, _that_ was what had felt so off about the last couple days. The realization was a little unnerving, and so was the silence. "What's up?" he finally asked.

"Oh, right," James said, blinking. "My audition's today."

"Oh, right!" Logan echoed. "I totally forgot about that! Do you need to run through the scene again or something?" He held his breath for the answer, honestly not sure what he wanted it to be.

"If you wanted to that would be awesome," James said with a smile. "But I wanted to know if you were coming with me?"

"To your audition?" James nodded. "Oh, well—do you _want_ me to?" A pause, and then James nodded again.

Logan smiled. "Then sure I'll go. What time?"

"Right after lunch."

"Aren't we supposed to be at the studio then?"

"Kendall and Katie said they'd handle it," James said with a shrug.

"Ah, I see," Logan said, chuckling. "Okay, then you want to go over the scene again at lunch? Just to make sure you're ready?" He hadn't really meant to ask that.

"Sure," James replied with a grin. "And I won't even make you dress up this time."

"I appreciate that," Logan said dryly.

More silence, and Logan was afraid things were about to get really awkward before James reached up and touched Logan's upper right arm lightly. "How's your shoulder?"

"Um, it's okay. The bruise is starting to fade," Logan answered, suddenly very aware he hadn't actually put on a shirt yet.

"Can I see?"

Logan raised an eyebrow, fighting his nerves with sarcasm. "That depends, are you going to apologize again?"

"Um…no?" James said slowly, obviously unsure what the right answer was.

"Good," Logan said, and gave James a half-smile before turning around.

"Wow, that uh, still looks terrible," James observed. "Does it still hurt?"

"Not like it did, no. Mostly it just looks bad now."

"Yeah."

Logan was expecting it so he should have been braced for it, but the brush of fingertips against the edges of his bruise still made him shudder.

"Did that hurt?" James asked, voice barely above a whisper.

"No," Logan answered with a shake of his head. His own voice sounded strange. 

_Step away, Logan_ , he told himself. _Step away step away step away step a_ — His thoughts were cut short by the feel of lips on his skin as James pressed a kiss where his fingers had been. Logan took a short, sharp breath at the contact.

"Hey," said a voice—Kendall's voice—and Logan jumped about a foot in the air. "Seriously, guys, get a room."

"We're in a room," James argued. Logan didn't even turn back around, just rushed over to his bed and scrambled to put his shirt on.

"No, you're in a _doorway_ ," Kendall countered. "And move, I need to get dressed."

"Fine. Hey Logan, _my_ room's free," James called over to him.

Logan rubbed at his face, trying to decide how to answer that. Luckily Kendall saved him the trouble.

"Don't you have an audition to practice for or something?"

"We're doing that at lunch," James said.

"Right, so I'll see you then, okay James?" Logan said, and hoped that would be enough.

"Well, we're about to go to _school_ so you'll actually see me _before_ then, but uh, sure." James closed the door and Logan sat on the edge of his bed with a sigh.

"You don't make any sense," Kendall said. Logan looked up to see him stripping off his shirt, and Logan rolled his eyes before falling back on his bed.

"Okay Kendall, I'll bite. How do I not make sense?"

"You like kissing him, right?"

"Do I really have to answer that?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Yes." It wasn't like it was any sort of secret at this point, but Logan still felt himself blushing.

"And you did agree to go on a date with him, right?"

Logan sighed heavily. "Yeah. What's your point?"

"Why are you still acting like you're afraid of him?"

"Afraid?" Logan asked, trying to sound incredulous, sitting up again as Kendall was pulling on his jeans. "Of _James_?" 

"You said the other day you were afraid. And you turned him down just now."

And Logan had sort of forgotten he'd told Kendall that, but still. Being afraid and being afraid _of James_ were two different things. "Yeah, but that's because he was being…I don't know…"

"Inappropriate?"

"Maybe," Logan said with a shrug.

"Dude." Kendall tugged a shirt on and sat down on his own bed, facing Logan. "See, that's what I don't get. You guys can't kiss in public, I figured you would want to do it as much as you can while you're at home."

"It's…" Logan sighed, and ran a hand over his face. "It's not that simple."

Kendall studied him for a long moment before he finally spoke again. "No, it really is, unless…you still don't know how you feel."

That hit a little too close to home and Logan probably reacted not as well as he could have. "Look, it's not like he makes it _easy_ , he's around me _all the time_ —"

"No he's not," Kendall said with a laugh. "At least he hasn't been lately. Is that the problem? He finally let up some and now you've realized it was just hormones or whatever?"

Logan gaped at Kendall in disbelief. "I don't even—what?"

"Oooor is it the other way around? Now you're freaking out because you know there's more to it?"

Kendall looked steadily at Logan, one eyebrow raised. Logan looked back, but he didn't know what to say. "I…it doesn't matter, either way," he finally sighed.

"I think James would disagree."

"Well, that's because James can't see past what he wants right now. He doesn't see how there is no way this could possibly work out."

"Why's that?"

"Because!" Logan said, and realized he was a few short steps away from panic, anger and fear. So he took a deep breath and fell back on logic. "Because there's no way for us to actually have a relationship and keep it secret for any length of time. And like I've said _from the very beginning_ , it would destroy the band if the fans even _suspect_ that James and I have some sort of secret relationship."

"I think you're underestimating our fans, Logan."

Logan's eyes went wide and he jumped up from his bed. "You agreed with me! When I said I wanted to keep the whole liking guys thing just between us, because there might be a bad reaction if James and I both came out at the same time, you _agreed_! You can't just take it back now!"

"Things have changed since then."

"That was less than a month ago! What's changed?"

"Um, you and James are going on a date now?"

His breathing was getting heavy and erratic so Logan took a moment to try and calm down once more. Before he could fully compose himself Kendall was talking again.

"Look, Logan," he said, his voice a little more gentle now, "I only agreed to that because it was what _you_ wanted. But you need to figure out what you want _now_ , because it seems to me like you're just leading James on."

Logan sat back down in shock. 

"What is it?" Kendall asked.

"Camille…said the same thing. About 'leading people on.' Is that what I'm doing?" Logan looked up at Kendall helplessly.

Kendall blinked at him, eyebrows raised, and then shrugged. "If you're not even gonna give him a chance, then yeah. If you've already decided this isn't going to work, but you're going out with him anyway? Yeah, Logan, that's leading him on. Give him a chance, man."

Logan thought about that for a second, then groaned. "Why does this have to be so _complicated_?" 

"I think you're making it way more complicated than it needs to be," Kendall said as he stood up. "But apparently James likes that, so…whatever. But I'm serious, you need to figure out what _you_ want. Stop worrying about the band, stop worrying about James. I told you to begin with, you need to do what's best for _you_ , Logan." With one last look at Logan, Kendall walked out of the room.

"Yeah, like you're one to talk," Logan muttered at the closed door.

———

"Why are we rehearsing in the park?" James asked, looking around like he was confused by their surroundings.

"Because that's where the scene takes place," Logan answered.

"But uh, we're in _public_. Aren't you afraid people are gonna get the wrong idea?"

"People rehearse stuff here all the time. It'll be fine."

Okay, so that was sort of a lie. Logan was actually really worried about doing this scene in public, but he was even more worried about doing it in private, because he was pretty sure that would end up in another make-out session. 

He'd been thinking about what Kendall said, and _as fucking usual_ , Kendall was right. Logan wasn't being fair, to himself or to James. The problem was, when he was around James he just…couldn't think straight. All his reasons and logic just went away, and then when he _wasn't_ around James everything seemed impossible again.

But he'd already agreed to go on a date with James. And…he was actually looking forward to it, in the sort of way where if he thought too much about it it made him feel sick. But in the _meantime_ , Logan needed to keep his thoughts clear. He needed to sort out as much of his feelings as he could beforehand so he would know they were _real_ and not just a by-product of the effect James had on him.

"If you say so," James said with a shrug.

"It's also good for you to do this in public," Logan added, "because you need to be comfortable in front of an audience."

"Is that why Katie's here?" James asked, pointing at her.

"No, I'm here to make sure you know what you're doing," Katie answered. "And to make sure you take me with you. I still can't believe you tried to go to this audition without even telling me. What if you had tried to back out at the last minute and there was no one to make you go through with it?"

"Oh there's no _way_ I'd let him back out of it," Logan said. Not after everything.

"Why would I back out of it?" James asked. They both just looked at him. "What? I really want this part!"

"Exactly," Logan said, and didn't wait for a rebuttal before he continued. "So, let's do this. Katie, if you laugh—well, just don't laugh."

"Don't worry. I read the script, I know what to expect," she told him. "You guys gonna do the kiss?"

"It would be a bad idea," Logan said, shaking his head.

"Camille said I need to practice it," James reminded him, raising his eyebrows hopefully. 

Logan glanced around, hesitated for a second and then walked up to Katie and covered her ears. "You've had plenty enough practice, James," he said quietly with a pointed look at his friend.

"Seriously?" Katie said. "You're really doing the 'cover the innocent child's ears so she doesn't hear the grown-up talk' thing?"

Logan let go of her while James laughed. "Fine, whatever, let's do this," James said. "I don't want to be late to the audition."

The scene went smoothly. Logan had them situated next to a bench, so like before he was able to push James into sitting down, which really did make a difference. In fact, Logan felt like he was finally getting the hang of the whole thing, and he ended up being so comfortable with it that there was…a lot more touching than absolutely necessary. Just like before, except this time Logan at least had the presence of mind not to kiss James on the mouth at the end. 

He did kiss him on the forehead, though, and tried not to freak out when he realized what he'd done.

After getting Katie's approval on the scene they waited for James to change clothes (he didn't wear his rehearsal outfit, but he was dressed pretty casually) and get quick mini pep-talks from the other guys (well, Kendall gave a pep talk; Carlos just said "Make sure they know you're okay with kissing dudes!"), then Logan drove them to the audition. On the way James's phone beeped, and Logan could see him grin out of the corner of his eye.

"What is it?" Logan asked.

"Camille," James said. "She's telling me good luck, and she wishes she could be there."

"She working today?"

"Yeah," James said with a nod. "Logan, if I get this part I'm going to be in a _movie_."

"I know, James." Logan grinned. James was sounding excited, and it was contagious. Hopefully it wouldn't turn to nervousness too soon.

When Logan parked the car at their destination, James grabbed his wrist before he could even think about opening the door. "Katie, cover your eyes," James told her, looking over the back seat.

"Are you two going to make out or something?" she asked.

"No!" Logan said immediately. "No," he repeated, looking James in the eye. 

"Look, I'll just wait outside the car, okay?" Katie offered, and opened the door.

"Stay where we can see you!" James called after her. When the door had closed he turned back to Logan.

"We're not making out in the car, James," Logan said, feeling his face heat up at the words.

"I know that, I just—thank you, for helping me with this. And for coming with me."

 _Now_ James was starting to look nervous. "I'm happy to help," Logan told him with a smile. "And you're gonna do great."

"Can I at least get a kiss for luck?"

Logan wanted to say no—okay, no he didn't, he _wanted_ to just grab James and kiss him; he felt like he _should_ say no—but James's expression was nervous and hopeful and still excited, and it wasn't like one little kiss was going to screw too much with Logan's judgment, right?

 _You're an idiot_ , a voice in the back of Logan's head said. But James made that ignoring that voice so very, very easy.

"Yeah, like you need it," Logan said with a teasing smirk. He reached a hand up to graze James's cheek and that seemed to be the only permission James needed, because a second later their lips were together. It was a short kiss, and a good kiss, but something about it felt a little off. When James pulled away Logan caught his expression before it changed, and noticing there was something off about that too it hit him.

"…You totally just used me for practice, didn't you?" Logan asked, slightly accusing.

James had an innocent look plastered on his face in a micro-second. "I don't know what you're talking about, Logan. Just because I haven't been able to properly rehearse that kiss before doesn't mean I would take advantage of you like that."

"You are so _full_ of it!" Logan said, shoving James's shoulder lightly. "That's all you're getting, you know. I'm not allowing any more inappropriate touching until—well, until I say so."

"What? Why? And I want a redo then, that wasn't even a real kiss!" James said, eyes wide.

Logan was about to respond when there was a tap on his window. He turned to see Katie pointing at an imaginary watch on her wrist. "Looks like it's time to go," Logan said, glancing back at James, who was frowning now. It probably hadn't been a good idea to tell him that right then. "Come on, don't look like that. I have a reason for it, and I'll tell you after you go earn yourself a movie role, okay?"

"Oh, you bet you will," James agreed. Logan rolled his eyes as James got out of the car.

As Logan had expected, when they got to the waiting room he could feel James getting increasingly nervous. They all sat down, James between Logan and Katie so they could grab him if he tried to make a run for it. 

"These guys don't stand a chance, James," Katie said, voice low.

"She's right," Logan agreed automatically. He looked around the room at the competition—guys around their age, some a little younger. Most were good-looking, but if they were just being judged on appearance then Katie was right; none of them stood a chance against James.

"Some of these guys are hot," James said, starting to sound a little pitiful as he rolled the audition script between his hands.

Logan managed to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "But not as hot as you," he whispered. The things he did for his friends.

James turned to him, eyes wide, and grinned. Logan tried but he couldn't help smiling back.

"You two aren't going to start kissing in here, are you?" Katie asked, her tone somewhere between exasperation and warning.

"It would help me relax," James said, one eyebrow raised in persuasion.

"And be incredibly unprofessional," Logan countered, fighting a blush.

"Hmm. Good point," James conceded. "But…even if I _am_ hotter than them it doesn't mean I'm a better actor."

Logan sighed soundlessly. He wanted to touch James, to comfort him, and a few weeks ago that wouldn't have been a problem. It wouldn't have even been a conscious thought; he would have just done it. But _now_ he had to worry about how everything looked, how every little touch could be interpreted. 

He finally settled for squeezing James's shoulder. "You've been great every time we've done the scene, James. Don't worry about them, okay? You're not competing against them, not really. You're competing against an idea in the casting director's head, and getting all worked up about that is pointless since you're not a mind-reader. Just do what you did in rehearsal. Just do Oliver justice, and you'll be fine. You'll be perfect."

"…Really?"

The way James said it, Logan thought he might just be fishing for more compliments. "Yes, really," he said anyway, smiling again.

"I wouldn't be letting you do the audition if I didn't think you could get the part," Katie added.

"Exactly," Logan agreed. "Now, are you okay? Or do I need to call Kendall?"

James laughed, although it sounded a little strange. "No, don't call Kendall. They'll end up picking him instead."

Logan instantly felt kind of like an asshole, his heart hurting at the words. What could he even say to that? "I was just going to let him talk to you through the phone, not ask him to come here," he clarified, voice gentle. And that was only if it was necessary; Logan was pretty sure he could handle James's nerves on his own. At least he hoped so, because there was no way he would be calling Kendall now. 

"But anyway," Logan continued, needing to make this better somehow, "you're wrong. You _deserve_ this role, James. And I can't really imagine Kendall playing a character like Oliver. Can you?"

Logan watched James thinking about it before he chuckled, relieved when it sounded a little more normal this time. "Probably not. But I couldn't imagine you as Felix either, until we did the scene."

"Yeah, well," Logan said, feeling his face heat up again. He was trying to figure out what else to say, but then someone called out James's name. It was his turn.

There was fear in James's face immediately, and for some weird reason Logan suddenly felt nervous himself. But he grabbed James's arm and hauled him up, trying to channel Kendall even a little bit as he put both hands on those broad shoulders. "You can do this, James," he said, looking him in the eye.

James looked at him for a second and then his arms were around Logan, hugging him tight. After the initial surprise Logan hugged him back, realizing with a shock that this was the first time they'd done anything like this since before that first kiss. Logan tried not to get caught up in it, in the feel of James pressed against him, those strong arms wrapped around him, and how stupidly good James smelled; but that was basically a lost cause.

"I wish I was doing the scene with you," James mumbled somewhere close to Logan's ear.

"Pretend you are," Logan whispered back. "Ask for a chair if you need to," he added with a grin.

"Because I'm intimidating," James said, trying to sound cocky but kind of failing.

"Right," Logan said with a laugh. He pulled away, then had to pry James's arms off of him. "Go on, James. Don't keep them waiting."

"And make sure your phone's on silent," Katie added. "Now go!" She pointed towards the person who had called James.

James took a deep breath, drawing himself up to his full height before he strode away. Logan watched him go, his body tingling all over. He was feeling too many things now; hope and nerves and pride and a little arousal—the close contact had been…nice; plus James was just _really_ attractive, and he was walking with confidence and purpose and Logan couldn't help staring—and something else that might have been longing.

That was what James did, though; he made Logan feel way too many different things.

———

"Dude, calm down. _Sit_ down. He's not having a baby in there."

Logan paused in his pacing to give Katie a weird look. "I'm aware of that."

"Are you sure? 'Cause you're acting like an expectant father or something. Pacing and wringing your hands and all that."

Logan looked down at his hands. They were wrung together. He quickly dropped them and wiped his palms across his jeans. "I'm just nervous, okay? He wants this so bad, and he deserves it, and I wish I was in there with him, I hate that he has to do this alone, and—" He shook his head and started pacing again, walking back and forth in front of the short row of chairs.

This was ridiculous, Logan knew. Getting this worked up over someone else's audition, but he couldn't help it. His nerves were as frayed as if _he_ were the one auditioning, and part of him felt like he was. Maybe it was just because he'd run through the scene so many times with James; he could imagine everything so clearly, and he wanted to be in there with his friend, wanted to be able to help him somehow. At first he was worried that James would get nervous again once he was in front of the casting director, but Logan consoled himself with thinking that the character was supposed to be nervous so maybe that was okay. But there were other things that could go wrong, so many other things, and Logan had no way of _knowing_. Like, what if the guy James was doing the scene with just wasn't compatible with him? Or maybe there was no one, maybe he was just doing a dramatic reading, all by himself, and they hadn't practiced that and _dammit I need to be in there_. 

The thought kept repeating itself— _I need to be in there, I should be_ with him _right now_ —as the minutes ticked by agonizingly slow. Then finally, finally, Logan turned in his pacing and froze as he saw James. Their eyes met and Logan gave him a 'well?' look, unable to breathe as he waited for the response. James beamed at him, Logan felt himself relax and tense up in excitement all at the same time as he grinned back, and a few seconds later he was being lifted off the ground in an even tighter hug than before, this one threatening to knock all the air out of him.

James twirled him a bit before setting him down, but Logan couldn't find it in him to make a fuss over it. He pulled away and James set his hands on Logan's shoulders, fingers digging in slightly, and they stared at each other for a moment, grinning, because Logan had no idea what to say. James looked _so freaking happy_ , and it made Logan stupidly happy, and luckily they had someone with them who could actually act like an adult.

"So how'd it go?!" Katie asked, impatiently.

"Great," James answered, still looking at Logan, before breaking away and grabbing Katie in a twirling hug as well.

"Dude, watch the suit," she said as he released her, smoothing down her jacket. "So is that everything? We can go now?"

"I guess," James said with a slight shrug, smile still all over his face. "They said they'd call when they reach a decision."

"Okay then. Move out, boys." 

Another grin at James and Logan let himself be ushered out, noticing on the way the odd looks they were getting from other people in the room. Some were amused, some were confused, some were jealous or bordering on angry. Logan wanted to stick his tongue out at them all.

He refrained, though, and they made their way to the car with James bouncing along in excitement and Logan feeling like a fool who just couldn't stop grinning. At the car James hugged them both again, Katie first this time, who hugged back briefly before reasserting her professionalism, adjusting her sunglasses, and climbing in the backseat.

James grabbed Logan on his way to the driver's side door, pulling him back into a slightly less suffocating but no less excited hug. "I'm glad it went well," Logan managed, hugging back.

"All thanks to you," James said, gratitude mixed with the smile in his voice. "And," he added, dropping his voice in both volume and pitch and speaking into Logan's ear, "I would really like a chance to show my appreciation later."

Logan felt a shiver course through his body, the effects of James's voice and words and breath on Logan's ear too much to combat, especially pressed together like they were. Before he could find his own voice again James was gone, settling himself in the passenger seat and smirking at Logan through the windshield.

When Logan got in the car James and Katie were already arguing over who was buying lunch, since they hadn't actually had time to eat earlier and they both thought they deserved to celebrate. Logan ended the argument by saying he was treating them both, and then got to listen to them argue over where to go. 

Over lunch James told them all about the audition, going in waves of excitement and confidence and self-doubt that Logan and Katie had to snap him out of while exchanging looks with each other that clearly said they wanted to smack him. It turned out that he had been alone, basically just doing a read-through of the scene, and then answering a few questions about himself. (Including, he felt it necessary to mention, whether or not he was comfortable with kissing a boy on-screen. Logan could only hope his answer hadn't been _too_ enthusiastic.) It also turned out that he _had_ practiced just doing a reading, with Camille. Which…explained where he had been the past couple days?

By the time they got back to the Palm Woods James's mood had mostly stabilized, though he was still giving off bursts of happy vibes that made Logan grin like an idiot all over again. 

"Don't forget you guys have to get to the studio," Katie told them as she opened her door. "I'm letting Kendall know we're back, so he's gonna be expecting you."

"Okay, Katie, thanks," Logan told her.

"You did good today, James," she said as she slid out of the car.

"Thanks!" James yelled before she closed the door.

Then they were alone, and Logan tried to ignore how his nerves flared up. "So, are we walking or driving to the studio?"

"Neither."

Well that didn't help Logan's nerves any. "James, we are _not_ making out in—"

"I know. You're supposed to tell me why, remember?"

Logan looked at James, quizzical, until he did remember. "Oh! Right. Well, that's…" He thought about playing it off, just saying they were in public, but that wasn't what James meant and Logan knew it. So instead he fiddled with his seatbelt, wasting time by undoing it. James had already undone his and was turned in his seat a little, watching Logan.

"…Did you change your mind?"

There was apprehension in the question, and maybe even a little edge of sadness and Logan looked up at James immediately. "About what?"

"The date. I know we haven't picked a day or anything, or even figured out what play, but…you can't change your mind."

"I haven't changed my mind," Logan said, smiling, and was glad to see James look instantly brighter. "In fact, that's…actually kind of the reason."

They stared at each other again for a few long seconds, as James was obviously trying to piece that together. "You won't kiss me anymore… _because_ we're going on a date?"

Logan made a face as he realized that really didn't make any sense at all but it was still the truth. "Kind of?"

More staring, but this time James's expression was blank. "Okay you're going to have to explain that to me."

"I can't," Logan said, sighing and leaning his head back against the seat. 

"Um. Try."

"Okay, okay. I need…time, James. Time and space to think, because I agreed to this date with you but I still don't know what it means. And I know you've been busy or whatever the last couple days, and we haven't been around each other much and I didn't even realize it till this morning but I think I actually _missed_ you driving me crazy and what does that even mean? Am I just used to it now?"

"I drive you crazy?"

Logan allowed himself a small smile but he didn't look over, because looking at James would probably make him forget this line of reasoning entirely. Even if he was pretty much making it up as he went along.

"Yes, and don't even act like you didn't know that. Or like you haven't been doing it on purpose. And I thought I was okay with it, I thought I could handle being attracted to you, but then we kissed again and then you asked me out and then I _missed you_ and today. Dammit James at that audition I thought I was going to, I don't know, pass out I was so worried and nervous for you, I wanted to be in there with you so badly, because what if you were doing the scene with some idiot, or what if the casting people didn't realize how amazing you are and _oh my God I like you_."

Logan sat straight up as he said it, feeling like he'd just been body checked hard—probably an illegal move, where was a referee when you needed one?—and it was making his head spin.

"…What?" James asked, sounding confused. 

"I _like_ you," Logan repeated, turning to James. Because now Logan _wasn't_ confused, not anymore, despite the dizziness; he was just surprised and startled and a little bit scared out of his mind.

James blinked at him. "I thought…we already decided that?"

"Did we?" Logan asked, trying to remember although he was pretty damn sure he'd remember feeling like this before. "I think—I think this is different. Or…something." 

"How?"

"I don't—I don't know, like…" Logan's brain was racing, trying to find its way past the fear and the shock and figure all this out. "I think maybe it's been happening in stages, little layers adding up and now it's like all the pieces have clicked and _fuck_ James. I _like_ you! How the hell did this happen?!"

"Well I think somewhere in there you did say I'm amazing."

Logan just gave a panicky little laugh and leaned against the headrest again, this time facing James but without really seeing him. "You are. Fuck, James, you really are, and that's just—I don't know how this happened, but apparently it did, and what now? What do we do now, James?"

James raised an eyebrow at him, and Logan tried to focus but at the moment he was entirely too overwhelmed. "Um…we go on a date, Logan."

"Right," Logan said, closing his eyes and letting himself feel a little relieved. "Right. One step at a time." He lifted his head up and took a deep breath, opening his eyes and then staring in disbelief at what he saw as he glanced down. "James…"

"Hmm?"

"…How long have you been holding my hand?"

"What? Oh. Um. I dunno? Awhile, I guess. I mean, no one can see us really…"

"Oh _dam_ mit," Logan groaned, clinging with his free hand to the side of his face. 

"What?" James almost sounded worried—or maybe just slightly offended—but he didn't let go.

Logan's forehead hit the top of the steering wheel. "We're never going to be able to pull this off, James. We've been sitting here in the car holding hands for who knows how long and I didn't even _realize_ it. We can't do this, we can't go on a secret date!"

"Then it won't be a secret."

Logan turned to look at James with wide eyes, and found James looking somewhat seriously down at him. It sent weird flutters all through Logan's chest, but before either of them could say anything else Logan's text alert sounded.

He let go of James's hand to pull his phone out of his pocket, then noticed James doing the same. "Kendall," Logan said when he saw who the text was from. He checked the message and felt stupidly embarrassed.

_'Hey you 2 better not be making out somewhere. Get your butts to the studio.'_

"I guess we should go," Logan said, not sure whether he was relieved or just resigned to his fate. They probably did need to talk some more about this, but…it could wait. He glanced over to see James responding to the message. "Oh God, what are you telling him?"

"Nothing," James said, voice innocent but the look in his eyes was anything but.

"We really do have to get to the studio, you know."

"I know." He finished typing, smiling in a way that made Logan not even want to know what he'd just sent, and put his phone away. "Okay let's go."

"Are we driving or walking? We should probably drive, I guess…"

"We're running," James told him, and Logan looked at him in disbelief. "I'll race you," he clarified, eyes challenging.

"What for?"

"Because I can. Because I feel like running. Because I'll win." James grinned, and Logan narrowed his eyes. "Oh, and Logan?"

"What?"

James's smile changed, and then he was running one long finger down the middle of Logan's face, making Logan go cross-eyed as he watched it travel down his nose. His heartbeat sped up as it went.

"I thought we'd decided all this already, but I guess I was wrong, so…" The finger moved across Logan's closed mouth, sticking a little on his bottom lip before being joined by others on his chin, angling his face ever-so-slightly until he was looking James in the eye. By this point Logan could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"I like you too," James finally said, his expression serious and playful at the same time. "And…that's really weird, isn't it? Because we're friends and all. We have been _forever_."

Logan found himself nodding slowly. "It is weird," he breathed.

"But…it's kind of exciting, too, right?"

Eyes wide, heart still beating loud, and having some real difficulty remembering to breathe, it occurred to Logan that he had never wanted to kiss someone in his whole fucking life as much as he wanted to kiss James in that instant.

So of course James opened the car door and stepped out.

"Come on dude," James said, leaning back in the open door. "If you give me a head start you won't even have a chance of winning."

It took Logan a good five seconds to snap back to reality. "Oh fuck you, James," he grumbled, grabbing at the door handle with hands that were only slightly shaky. He slammed the door and took off, not even bothering to look back at his friend.

James caught up to him in no time. "I've made you say that like three times since we got here, that's awesome," he said, flashing Logan a self-satisfied grin before he pulled ahead.

Logan wanted to say something back but decided instead to invest his energy in this stupid and utterly pointless race. That he was totally _not_ going to lose, because James might be tall and athletic and…look really good running ahead of Logan like that, but, you know, Logan's pride was on the line or…something.

At the very least, he didn't want to have to deal with James teasing him about checking out his ass the whole way to the studio. Which he would do whether it was the truth or not, but Logan had a better chance of defending himself to the others if it wasn't true. So Logan fixed his gaze straight ahead and put on an extra burst of speed, finding that the run was exhilarating in that adrenaline-and-endorphins sort of way.

 _Or maybe_ , Logan thought as he finally sped past his annoyingly long-legged friend, determined to keep the lead as long as he could, _maybe that's just James_.


	11. The Dissent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James wants to be prepared for his date with Logan, while Logan continues to be oddly specific about their relationship.

James won the race, of course, though not by as much as he would have if he hadn't been distracted every time Logan managed to get ahead of him. When they reached the studio they didn't stop running until they got to one of the lounge areas, James waiting the few seconds it took for Logan to catch up before they both collapsed on the floor, out of breath and panting.

"I win," James forced out between attempts to refill his lungs.

More heavy breathing and the sound of James's heart pounding until Logan finally came back with "Shut up." James grinned, at his victory and the way Logan sounded all breathless like that.

For a few moments all of James's attention was occupied with watching Logan's chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath, but then Kelly's voice interrupted.

"Woah, what happened to you guys?" she asked from somewhere above and off to the side.

"You don't even wanna know," Kendall answered her, and from his tone James could just picture the look on his face. He tried not to laugh.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Logan said, his voice not quite back to normal yet. Then he turned his head to look at James. "What did you _tell_ him?"

"Nothing!" James answered innocently. Which…wasn't _exactly_ true, but. That text had been strictly between him and Kendall. 

"Well get up, boys," Kelly told them, apparently deciding not to get into the middle of that. "You've got a lot of catching up to do. Kendall and Carlos are having a _short_ break, so you two get in the sound booth and we'll start making up for lost time."

James hopped to his feet quickly so he could turn around and help Logan up as well. Logan looked at him suspiciously but still grabbed the hand held out to him, letting James tug him up off the floor. But when James tried to pull him in close Logan darted away.

"On our way, Kelly," he said, glancing back at James as he headed for the recording booth.

James was about to follow—only a little begrudgingly—when he was stopped by the sudden appearance of Carlos.

"Dude! How was the audition?!"

"How do you _think_?" James answered. "They _loved_ me, of course. And your advice? Awesome."

"Really? Haha!" Carlos beamed, and clapped James on the back. "So you're gonna be in a movie then, right?"

"Well, they haven't _said_ yet, for sure. But I'm telling you, I _rocked_ that audition."

"All that practice came in handy, huh?" Carlos wagged his eyebrows a little. The gesture looked…kinda weird, on him. "Dude," he went on before James could answer, and then made some loud sniffing sounds. "Why are you all sweaty?"

James laughed as Kendall said "Don't even ask him that, Carlos."

"What, why?" Carlos looked at Kendall, then back at James. "Ohhh, were you and Logan getting all hot and heavy in the car?"

"Dude!" Kendall said, sounding offended. "My _sister_ was in that car!"

"Well I'm sure they waited for her to leave first," Carlos said. "Right James?"

Before James could open his mouth to speak ('of course we did,' was what he was planning on), Kelly started talking again.

"Wait, what?" she said, looking at all of them. "What does Carlos mean about James and Logan?"

"Oh they're like a _thing_ now, Kelly," Carlos answered brightly.

James wasn't sure if that was true; he and Logan _had_ a thing, but he didn't know if they _were_ a thing. He wasn't going to argue the point, though.

" _What_? Wait, no, we'll talk about this later," she said, shaking her head. "James! Get in the sound booth!" She pointed down the hallway, and James sauntered away to do as he was told.

——

Recording with just Logan in the booth with him was interesting. It wasn't the first time, of course, but it didn't happen very often. And this was the first time since they'd made out, so it was different.

And distracting. James was usually great about focusing on his singing, but that run from the Palm Woods had gotten them both sweaty and now the whole sound booth smelled like sweat and—that should have been gross, right?

But it kind of just made James want to push Logan up against one of the walls and kiss him really hard. If they were going to be sweaty anyway it should at least be for something fun.

James was having too much trouble worrying about his own ability to concentrate to pay any attention to Logan's, but Gustavo seemed to be yelling at both of them about equally so James figured at least he wasn't the only one affected by the close-quarters-togetherness.

Eventually Kendall and Carlos came back and Gustavo gave up, sending all four of them to practice the song some more before they tried recording again. Being in a larger room and around the other guys made it easier for James to focus, but he still kept glancing over at Logan unintentionally.

"Do we need to separate you two?" Kendall finally said, snapping James away from staring at Logan while he sang. It wasn't even James's part; he was totally allowed to be watching.

"Why?" James asked him. 

"Because you're obviously too—"

"Maybe we should take a break?" Logan said, cutting off whatever Kendall had been about to say.

"NO! NO BREAKS!" Gustavo's voice boomed at them. They all looked at him through the glass, and there was silence for a few seconds.

"But I really gotta pee," Carlos said, and when James glanced at him he was making a face like he did _really_ need to go.

More silence, while they watched Kelly and Gustavo argue. Then, "Fine, _Carlos_ can go to the bathroom!" Gustavo told them.

A second later and the rest of them were saying they needed to pee too, and eventually he caved and gave them a 5-minute bathroom break.

James figured he could use at least three of those minutes kissing Logan.

Except when they all shuffled into the bathroom Logan hesitated for only a second before ducking into one of the stalls. James frowned at the closed door, then realized Carlos apparently _did_ have to pee—didn't they have a break like…not a long time ago?—so he had to wait for Carlos to be done and for him and Kendall to leave before he could…stand around awkwardly.

Luckily Logan emerged from the stall then. He looked around, saw James and then froze—for about two seconds before he backed into the stall again. But James reacted quick enough to make it in time before the door was locked, forcing himself inside and looking down at Logan as he maneuvered around the door and closed it behind him.

"…Why are you hiding from me?" he asked, curiosity with a hint of confusion in his tone. "Is that the whole reason you came in here? You were just waiting for me to leave?"

"I…maybe?" Logan said, glancing up, his face turning red. 

James laughed, although he wasn't sure this was exactly funny. "But _why_?"

"I don't know!" Logan threw his hands up as well as he could in the cramped space. "You kept _staring_ at me out there and just—I didn't know what you were planning when we got away from the others!"

James considered this for a second, and managed to ignore his immediate desire to grab Logan and kiss him. Instead he leaned back against the door, reaching out for Logan and pulling him in closer. Logan went surprisingly easily, not even trying to swat away the hands at his waist, but he kept his gaze down.

"You're not even gonna look at me?" James said, trying to make his voice soft, but he was feeling sort of tingly all over so it wasn't easy.

"I said no more inappropriate touching until I say so," Logan muttered, but James could tell by his voice he was feeling tingly too.

"Yeah but that was just so you could figure stuff out right?" James reasoned. He could use logic too. "And now you've figured it out. You _waaaant_ me."

Logan chuckled, and finally lifted his head to meet James's eyes. "That doesn't mean it's appropriate for us to be making out in the bathroom."

"We're _not_ making out in the bathroom. Yet."

Logan lifted an eyebrow at him and it took every single ounce of willpower James possessed—and hey, he has a _lot_ of willpower, thank-you-very-much; self-control was another issue entirely—to not kiss him then. But he was going to let—make?—Logan give in first. Although their five minutes were probably just about up.

So James tightened his grip on Logan's waist and maintained eye contact—all that practicing months ago had paid off—until finally Logan's hands came up to rest on James's arms, close to his shoulders (and James hoped Logan really had just been standing and waiting in that stall because ew, bathroom hands), and they stayed like that for a few more seconds, watching each other. Then Logan made the sort of face that normally accompanied a 'Screw you, James' before he leaned up for a kiss.

And James hadn't realized until now how much he'd missed kissing Logan. This one wasn't like the others, either; this was the first kiss James hadn't orchestrated or initiated or stolen. This was Logan, without any sort of outside influence, kissing James. In a bathroom, but the details weren't important.

Well at least those kind of details, anyway. Other details, like the way Logan's hands moved up to grip either side of James's neck, and the way Logan's tongue poked at James's lips, sort of tentatively until James opened his mouth and then there wasn't a hint of hesitation, and the way Logan leaned in a little closer as James's arms wrapped around his waist… _those_ were important. 

Kissing Logan was so different, and so much _better_ than all the other kissing James had done. James didn't really know why but it didn't really matter, did it? He knew, at least, it wasn't just that Logan was a guy. When he had gone on that date with what's-his-name the making out had been fun, but mostly it made him even more determined to kiss Logan again.

James forgot all about their time limit—and it didn't seem like he was the only one—until there was the sound of a swinging door and then Kendall's voice was calling to them. "Hey guys, zip your pants up and get back out here, Gustavo's getting pissed."

Logan broke the kiss at that, but luckily didn't jump away (one because James liked him staying close, and two because he would probably have tripped on the toilet or something and that would have been all kinds of bad). He did look at James though, suspicion, confusion and a blush covering his face. "Zip our pants up? James what did you _tell_ him?!"

"Nothing!" James repeated yet again, eyes wide in a most likely futile attempt at innocence. "We should probably go, right?" 

James reached behind him to open the door, moving Logan out of the way until he had enough space to slip through. Logan followed silently, though James could feel him glaring at the back of his head.

When they got out of the bathroom Kendall was waiting for them, and looked them up and down sort of critically. Maybe he was making sure all of their clothing was in place. "He wants us in his office," he finally said, eyes narrowed, before turning around and leading the way.

They joined Carlos in Gustavo's office and sat down, then waited for the yelling to start.

"Before you _dogs_ get the chance to _mess up_ my song again," Gustavo began, "there's some stuff we need to tell you."

"First," Kelly said, smiling, "you have an interview on Sunday."

The flash of excitement in the room was cut short by Carlos saying, "But wait, that's usually our day off."

"Ooh, can we have Saturday off instead?" James asked immediately.

"What, do you have a _hot date_ or something?" Gustavo sneered.

"As a matter of fact I do," James replied smoothly. Logan turned to look at him, an odd expression on his face, and James started to worry a little. Were they not supposed to talk about this with Kelly and Gustavo? James had just assumed they would be told about any secret dates… 

Or not secret? James was still unclear about that.

"Oh is that when you and Logan are seeing the play?" Carlos asked.

"Carlos!" Logan said sharply. Oops. Apparently they _weren't_ talking about this with them.

"And that's another thing," Kelly said, her smile gone as she looked from James to Logan and back again. "What's this about James and Logan _dating_?"

"We're not dating!" Logan nearly shouted, lurching forward in his seat. Then he settled back a little. "We are going on _one_ date. There's a _difference_."

"Yeah, no you're not," Gustavo said flatly.

"What?" James asked, and it sounded like Kendall had asked too.

" _You_ —" Gustavo pointed at James, "and _you_ —" he pointed at Logan, "are _not_ going on a date."

"Since when does Logan even _like_ boys?" Kelly asked. James glanced at Logan to see him blushing.

"Since James," Carlos answered brightly.

"Car _los_ ," Logan said, dropping his face into his hand.

"What do you _mean_ they're not going on a date?" Kendall asked, and he had that you-don't-own-us tone that usually ended well but never had a pleasant way of getting there.

"I _meeeaaaan_ ," Gustavo shot back, "that two members of Big Time Rush CAN'T DATE!"

"Uh, yeah they can."

"It would be a public relations nightmare, Kendall," Kelly said, while James was starting to feel a weird tightening in his chest. This wasn't supposed to happen; once Kendall and Carlos were on board no one was supposed to tell him this thing with Logan couldn't happen except Logan.

And James wouldn't have accepted it from Logan, either.

"We can keep it a secret," James heard himself blurt out. He really didn't want to. Secret romances were…kind of a cool _idea_ , but it was already really hard to not grab Logan's hand in public or say things to make him blush. 

" _Suuuuure_ you can, James," Gustavo drawled with a look of pure disbelief. 

"We _can_!" he insisted.

"They _can_!" Kendall started saying even before James was finished. "And you can't _tell them_ who they can't date, Gustavo."

"What does Logan have to say about this?" Kelly asked suddenly, and all eyes in the room turned to him. He seemed to shrink in his chair a little.

"Logan," James said, trying to meet his eyes. Logan looked over at him, and James wanted to smile but there was real worry coursing through him now. "Logan _tell_ them."

The silence that followed filled up the room and seemed to go on forever, until finally Logan gave a little half-smile. "We can keep it a secret." 

Relief flooded through James. "See?" James and Kendall said simultaneously, turning back to face the two adults. 

"If Logan says they can, they can," Kendall added.

"We can," James repeated confidently, nodding.

"I don't care," Gustavo said. "It's still NOT HAPPENING!"

After that things kind of became a blur to James, as Kendall and Gustavo had one of the most heated arguments he'd ever seen between the two of them. James wasn't sure he'd ever loved Kendall as much as he did in that moment, watching him fight so hard for his best friends and their first date.

James didn't really know how the argument ever got resolved, but somehow in the end—as always—Kendall came out on top. There was something about _guidelines_ and _appropriate behavior_ but James figured Logan was listening to all that crap and could choose to explain it to him later or, better yet, ignore it completely.

———

They stayed pretty late at the studio that day, trying to record the song but mostly failing, and also going over potential interview questions for Sunday. For some reason Gustavo was always worried they would give wrong answers in interviews.

One of the things they went over was the 'correct' answer for James and Logan if they were asked that most popular of interview questions: are they currently dating anyone?

They were supposed to say _no_ , which…might be a lie and might not be. James was aiming for Friday or Saturday for their date, and if things didn't go well enough Logan might decide not to give James another chance and so by Sunday he might _be_ totally single.

The question brought back that rush of insecurity James had been feeling on and off since this date thing became a definite, and it wasn't at all helped by Logan's response of "Well of course we'll say no, because _we're not dating_. It's _one date_!"

Because, the thing was…James kind of wanted it to be more than one date. Sure, he needed to get through the first one first to be sure, but he was pretty confident this could be a real-relationship-type-thing. James had never _had_ one of those before, _but_.

The way he saw it, things had never worked out with girls for more than one or two dates because when he actually started finding stuff out about them he never liked them as much as he did when he just had to look at them. The girls he _did_ like always seemed to become his friends—or would rather date one of his friends, whatever—and so there was no point even thinking about trying the boyfriend-and-girlfriend thing with them. And then the one date he had been on with a guy…aside from the too-fancy restaurant (which James could totally get used to, don't get him wrong) that had actually been a lot of fun, and James had a lot in common with what's-his-name, but overall the only advantages it had over a night hanging with the guys was that with what's-his-name James could be flirty, and there was the high probability of making out at some point during the night.

But James could be flirty with Logan. Plus Logan was a way better kisser than that guy had been, and it wasn't like making out was something that got old after awhile. (With Logan there was like, a less than zero chance of that ever happening.) _And_ James had known Logan for most of his life, and the whole time he'd just been liking Logan more and more, not less and less. 

So maybe James didn't have any real experience being a boyfriend, but he was kinda sure he wanted to try it now. He had a good feeling this could work, _and_ be pretty awesome. He just had to get Logan on board, and to do that he had to make sure this was the best damn date Logan had ever had in his life.

And to do _that_ James needed experience and information.

———

James had plenty of experience dating girls, there was no questioning that. But guys were a different matter, and considering his…slightly imperfect record of success with asking them out, he figured he should take what opportunities he was given.

So he'd already called that shop-guy— _Nathan_ , he should really try to remember that—and set up a coffee date for Thursday afternoon. And on Monday and Tuesday he had tried his best to flirt with strangers before his scene run-throughs with Camille in the evenings. He'd actually gotten a phone number out of that too, but the guy wasn't free for a date until next week and by then it would be too late.

So unless he could find someone to take out this evening, he would have two dates under his belt by the time the weekend rolled around. _Two_. That was _nothing_. How could he expect to show Logan a good time on that much experience?

When they were finally released from the studio James was intending to head back on his own and find a cafe or something for a last-ditch dating effort but he got a text from Camille that changed his mind.

_'Hey James where are you guys! I'm home from work and I want to hear all about your audition!'_

He sent her one back saying they were on their way, then piled in the car with the rest of the guys. And immediately latched onto Logan's hand, because he could and he liked to.

"Aww, you guys are so cute," Carlos said, only half-teasing. 

"James you really need to learn to not do that," Logan sighed, but he didn't pull his hand away.

"Yeah, I just got through arguing you can keep this whole thing a secret," Kendall added, eyeing them in a leaderly manner.

"There's no one to keep it a secret from in the _car_ ," James pointed out. 

"But we need the practice," Logan reasoned. James pouted persuasively at him for a moment and he let out another short sigh. "We can practice later." 

James grinned, Carlos laughed, but Kendall didn't look happy. "Logan, you can't just give in like that! Look, if you guys want to do this whole dating thing—"

"It's one date, Kendall," Logan interrupted. It made James sad again, but he tried not to show it. He could convince Logan to make it more than one. If only he could get just a _little_ more practice in first…

His phone beeped again and he checked the new text. _'Cool come find me when you get here! And bring a smoothie!'_

James smiled at the text and then a thought hit him. _Camille!_ Of course! She was the best person to ask for advice on dating Logan. That was the other thing James needed, anyway: information. On what Logan liked to do on dates, on what he looked for in a relationship-type-person. Plus she had been on more dates with guys than he had, so even if he didn't have his own experience to count on he could ask Camille to share hers. And since she had dated _Logan_ her experience was worth more anyway.

The rest of the short car ride James kept his grip on Logan's hand while Logan and Kendall discussed—argued, whatever, James wasn't really listening—the finer points of whatever Kendall had argued with Gustavo about. Again, James could trust Logan to fill him in on the stuff he needed to know later. Right now James had more important things to worry about.

———

James found Camille by the pool, but when she reached out for the smoothie he was handing her he held it up, out of her reach. " _You_ need to come with me," he said, waving the smoothie a little.

She glared at him, but she was smiling. "You're in a good mood, so I'm guessing the audition went well?"

He grinned. "Come with me and I'll tell you."

Camille laughed. "Where are we going?" she asked as she stood up.

James looked around before answering. "Somewhere we can _talk_ ," he said, eyebrows high, putting as much emphasis on the word as he could.

"Wow James, that sounds like some sort of euphemism when you say it like that."

He blinked. "You-fuh-what?" 

"Nothing," she said with a chuckle. "A week ago I would have been concerned but now I know exactly what you want to talk about, so…my apartment?"

James shrugged. "Sounds good to me," he told her as he handed over her smoothie before taking a sip of his own.

When they were settled on the couch in Camille's living room she said "Okay, we'll get into the whole _Logan_ issue in a minute, tell me about your audition! I asked the casting director about it today but he wouldn't tell me anything."

"You asked about me?" James's eyes were wide with shock.

"Of course I did! I told them you should audition in the first place, of course I wanted to follow up. So _tell me how it went_!" She poked him in the arm.

James beamed before forcing it down into a smug grin. "It was great. _I_ was great."

"What did they have you do? Were you doing the scene with anyone? They still haven't figured out who's playing Felix, but they had auditions earlier this week so they're narrowing it down now, I think."

"It was pretty much just a read-through, like we practiced. It was kind of weird just standing there like that but I did a good job. I think. Then they wanted to know a little bit about me, so I told them I'm James Diamond and I'm in the band Big Time Rush and I really love that they're including these characters in their movie and also I have washboard abs."

Camille looked horrified. "Oh James you _didn't._ "

"Didn't what?" he asked around his straw.

"Didn't tell them about your washboard abs!"

"Oh." He swallowed a mouthful of smoothie. "Sure I did, why wouldn't I?" Those had been the reason he got a role for his first acting audition all that time ago. But since he never told Camille about getting the part, she wouldn't know that…

She gave him a look that he couldn't read. "At least tell me you didn't _show_ them your abs?"

"I didn't," James said. He had kind of wanted to but he was getting nervous again at that point so he wasn't sure if he should.

Camille sighed. "Good. Was that it? Did they ask you anything?"

"They wanted to know what I thought of Felix and Oliver's relationship."

"And?"

James had to think to remember what he'd said. "I said I thought it was sad how Felix has to leave, but Oliver understands and doesn't hold it against him, and I like to think one day they'll meet again, even if the dialogue says they won't."

"Aww, that's a cute answer, James," Camille said with a smile. "Did they ask you about the kiss?"

"Oh yeah! They wanted to know if I was okay with it. I told 'em it was no problem, that I'd practiced that part of the scene too, and that I'm bisexual anyway."

Camille blinked. "Wow."

"What?"

"I dunno, I'm just…kind of impressed. You're not fooling around with this, are you?"

"With what?"

"The whole being bi thing. A lot of people in your position wouldn't be so open about it."

"You mean like Logan," James said, and he tried to be casual about it but the sympathetic look Camille gave him meant he'd failed.

"So what's up with him?" she asked. "He trying to back out of your date?"

"No." James shook his head. "I'm just…" He stopped. How was he supposed to even say this? It was bad enough he'd had to ask Camille for help in getting a date in the first place, now he had to ask her how to make Logan happy on one too?

"Having trouble figuring out what to go see?" she asked. "I can help if you want."

"Really? That would be awesome!"

Camille smiled, and a few minutes later they were staring at her laptop screen while she searched for plays running that weekend.

"Thanks for helping me with this, Camille," James told her as she read over summaries.

"You're welcome, James."

"Um, but…actually, this wasn't what I was wanting to talk to you about."

She glanced over at him. "No? Then what's going on?"

James furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back on the couch. "I have a date tomorrow."

"With who?" Camille sounded surprised.

"Remember that guy from the clothes shop we went to?"

There was no answer for a few seconds, and finally James looked at her. She was giving him another unreadable look, but she didn't look happy.

"You called him?" she finally asked.

"Yeah. Logan told me to."

Camille's mouth fell open. " _What_?"

"Well, at least he kind of…said that I should? Or I could? Or…something. Anyway I'm doing it _for_ Logan."

"How exactly do you figure? And why would he _say_ that?"

"He said it would make it less scary?"

Camille's face softened a bit. "Oh." Then she shook her head. "Oh, Logan…"

"But yeah, so like…I've only been on one date with a guy, so I figured I should, you know, get some more _experience_ before me and Logan go out." 

"So that's why you called him? Because you want more dating experience?"

James nodded. "But that's still not enough! Two dates isn't anything. But I don't have time for more. And if I try to wait another week for Logan he probably _will_ try to back out. So," he said with a sigh, "can you help me?"

"Um…help you with what, James?"

Wasn't it obvious? "You know, lend me your dating-guys expertise," he explained, waving an arm for emphasis. "Your dating- _Logan_ expertise."

Camille gasped, and this time he recognized her expression of disbelief. "You're _kidding_ , right?"

It took a second of blank staring for James Diamond to realize—not for the first time in his young yet extraordinary life—that he was an idiot.

He jumped off of the couch and spun to face Camille, waving his smoothie around wildly. "Logan's your ex-boyfriend!"

Ignoring the look she gave him—half surprise and half 'duh'—he went on: "And I'm going on a date with him! And and you and me are _friends_! I'm probably breaking some sort of code or something!"

Camille chuckled and raised her eyebrows at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, a _code_! We have an ex-girlfriend code but not an ex- _boy_ friend code and I don't even know if it counts 'cause it's you and not one of the guys but I probably should have figured that out _before_ I asked Logan out and—wait, _you_ told me to ask Logan out!"

James finished his rambling with a finger pointed at Camille. She blinked at it, then smiled. "I did tell you to."

He blinked back. "So…it's okay, then? That me and Logan are…y'know."

"Of course it's okay. You two like each other, right?"

"Yeah, but…" James looked at Camille critically. "Do _you_ like Logan?"

Her smile faltered a little. "Not like I used to," she said, then looked down at her laptop screen. 

James frowned and settled back on the couch next to her. "But…" he trailed off, not really sure what to say.

A second later Camille sighed. "Logan was my first boyfriend, okay? He was the first guy to even ask me out. I was crazy about him. But he broke up with me a _year_ ago, and whatever sort of weird on-again off-again thing we had going on has been _off_ for a really long time now. He has no interest in me now, except weirdly when I'm in character as Milla, but that's not _real_. Not like the way he feels about you."

James sat still for a moment as he tried to process this. It was making his chest feel funny; both that he could be accidentally hurting _Camille_ , and what she had said about Logan's feelings for him. Plus, thinking back, James had sort of been the reason they broke up in the first place, so that didn't help—not that he was going to mention that.

"But…" he said again, quietly, then looked over at her. Should he ask this? He had to, right? "But do you still like him?"

Camille looked back at him, and they stared quietly at each other until she shrugged. "Maybe a little?"

The words felt like a punch in the gut. "Then, then _why_ did you—"

"James," she said, cutting him off. "Logan and I are done, okay? It doesn't matter how _I_ feel if he doesn't return the feelings. And it's not like I'm in love with him or anything, it's just…" She shrugged again. "He's cute, and he's smart, and like I said was a lot of firsts for me. Any feelings I have right now are mostly just residual."

James blinked in confusion at her. "They're leftovers," she clarified with a smile. "James, I'm happy for you two, okay? You're both my friends and I can see how much you care about each other. And you're adorable together. Frustrating, but adorable."

"Okay," James said, carefully. "But, you know…you're like, my best girl…type…friend-person, and I don't want you to be mad at me." He gave her his best 'don't hate me' look. 

She laughed and rewarded him with a bright smile. "I'm not mad at you, James. I just…can't give you any advice, I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," he reassured her. "Um, sorry I asked. But uh…are you still gonna help me find a play for us to see?"

"Shouldn't Logan be involved in that decision?"

James made a face as he thought about it. "I guess. He'll want to pick some smart-person play, though. I should have some ideas first so I can persuade him."

Camille chuckled and they both turned their attention back to the computer, James trying not to let this new information add to his insecurities about this date. It did suck that he couldn't count on Camille for Logan-info, though…maybe he could ask Kendall? They were roommates, maybe Kendall had some sort of insight into— 

James stopped that thought midway through, not knowing where it was headed and not at all wanting to know.

He would get what he could out of his coffee date, and then for the real one he'd just have to wing it. Good thing James was _awesome_ at that.

———

When James returned to the apartment he found his three friends sprawled on the couch watching a hockey game. They all glanced up at him but Logan held his gaze and sort of smiled, and James felt himself grin in response. That made Logan blush faintly, which in turn caused that awesome fluttery feeling in James's chest.

"Hey, where's your laptop?" he asked Logan, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Um, in my room, I think? Why?"

James raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, motioning in the direction of the bedrooms. Logan looked startled for a second before he shook his head, the movement limited but quick, a clear 'no way.' James pouted at him and he did it again, more slowly. 

"My mom's home, you guys," Kendall said.

"Huh?" James asked, not sure why he'd announced that out of nowhere.

"Just letting you know, before you sneak off to my room to do…whatever."

"It's Logan's room, too," James pointed out.

"And we're not sneaking off anywhere," Logan added. "James, if you want my computer go get it."

"But what if I can't fiiiind it?"

"I can help you, James," Carlos offered.

"No, it's fine," James said with a sigh. "I'll go look myself." He gave Logan an expression that was a carefully constructed mix of disappointment, frustration, and 'you don't know what you're missing out on'-ness before heading for the hallway.

When James stepped into Logan and Kendall's room he had an idea. The laptop was sitting on Logan's desk, but James left it there and instead settled on Logan's bed. Eventually Logan would come to see what the holdup was, right? And then they could continue where they'd left off in the bathroom at the studio. 

Except sitting on Logan's bed was _boring_. James should have gotten the computer first; at least he could have played around on the Internet or messed with that weird clicky-box game with the numbers that sometimes turned into bombs and exploded. (James had a vague memory of Logan trying to explain that game to him when they were kids, but it didn't make any sort of sense and there had never been a second attempt. Sometimes James used to watch Logan play; he seemed to be really good at not making the little boxes turn into bombs so James figured that must have been the point, though it was more fun when they exploded.)

Getting up would have been a lot of work, though, and plus if James got the computer himself Logan might just turn around and leave when he saw he had it. James wanted Logan to have to pick it up, to force him into the room. So James didn't move, and after a few moments of excruciating boredom—seriously, there wasn't even a mirror somewhere at the right angle for him to stare at himself or _anything_ —he decided to practice the song they were supposed to have recorded that day.

After a minute or two of singing, his patience paid off when a face appeared around the edge of the doorway. Logan grabbed the door frame with one hand and gave James a 'what are you _doing_ ' look, which James returned with a smile as he continued to sing. Logan pointed at his desk and the computer sitting in plain sight on top of it, but James just shrugged. Finally Logan rolled his eyes and walked over to the desk.

Just as Logan's hands were reaching for the laptop James jumped off of the bed and was behind him in an instant, hands on Logan's waist as he leaned in to sing another couple of lines softly in Logan's ear. 

"James," Logan said, warning. James grinned and wrapped his arms fully around Logan, drawing him in a little closer.

"What, did you not want me to stop?" he asked, voice low and still next to Logan's ear. "I can keep singing."

James felt Logan shiver against him, and watched his hands flex on the edge of the desk. "James, the _door_ is open," he said, but didn't try to move away.

"Mm, I can fix that," James replied, and as much as he didn't at all want to let go of Logan the lure of where this might be headed if he closed the door first was too strong to resist. So James drew his arms away slowly, then kissed Logan on the back of the neck before turning around and taking a few long strides to the door. By the time he'd gotten it closed and turned back around, though, Logan was facing him, clutching the laptop to his chest.

"What were you wanting this for, anyway?" he asked, face red. He was just barely making eye contact. 

James stood by the door for a moment, considering his next move. It was always better to make Logan come to him, right? "Camille was helping me look up plays," James said, and started heading back to the bed. "But we need to make a final decision and get the tickets and everything."

He resumed his spot on Logan's bed, back against the wall, and patted the blanket next to him. Logan stared at the empty spot blankly.

"I told Carlos he could help us pick," he said finally, looking up at James with an apologetic expression.

James raised his eyebrows at Logan and then poked the bed a few times, wondering if Logan couldn't take a hint or if he was being weird about sitting on a bed together. "Why?"

"Because…" Logan took a step towards the bed and then stopped. "Because he needs to feel included, right?"

"Was it Kendall's idea?"

Logan shook his head. "No. Wait, hell, I don't know. I didn't _think_ it was but who knows if Kendall was manipulating it all somehow."

James laughed. "Well…first, come sit down."

One more step and Logan halted again. "We should get back out there, we're missing the game."

A line about being 'where the action is' passed through James's mind but he let it go. "Is it even a team we care about?"

Logan shrugged. "Not really."

"Then sit. We'll figure out what _we_ want to see, then we can make Carlos think it was his idea."

"That's…a good plan, actually," Logan said, head tilted to the side in thought. He took the last few steps needed to reach the bed and sat down next to James, though there was way too much space between them so James grabbed him and pulled him closer. "James!"

"What? You were too far away," James said, then leaned down and kissed Logan on the cheek.

"I thought we were looking up plays," Logan replied, face coloring a little.

"Hey, you haven't even turned the computer on yet."

"You won't give me five seconds so I can!"

James raised an eyebrow. "I'm not stopping you." Logan held up his hand—and James's along with it. "What, you need two hands to turn on a computer? I thought you were a _genius_ , Logan."

Logan laughed at that, and James grinned back. "It's hard to open it one-handed, yeah." But James wasn't about to let go, so they had to work together and each use their free hand to get the laptop opened. Logan hit the power button and they waited for it to boot up.

"Is…is this still weird?" James asked, voice quiet. He really wanted Logan to say no, because…well, it _was_ a little weird, being with Logan like this, but maybe 'weird' wasn't the word for it anymore. Maybe…it was just _new_?

It took a few seconds for Logan to answer. "Yeah, kind of."

Or maybe 'weird' _was_ the right word.

"But…you still want to do this, right? Go on a date, I mean." James didn't know why he was even asking this; giving Logan the chance to back out was _not_ a good idea. But at the same time maybe James needed confirmation of what Logan had said in the car about his feelings for James; of what Camille had said, too. 

"Didn't you already ask me that once today?"

"…Oh. I did." James had kind of forgotten. It had been a long day.

"So why would I have changed my mind in the few hours since then?"

"I don't know," James said, eyebrows furrowed at Logan as he logged on to the computer. "You're…complicated."

Logan gave him a sidelong glance. "Complicated?"

James nodded. "Your brain works way faster than mine, and way _more_ so like…you could change your mind a hundred times in just an hour."

After pulling up a web browser, Logan leaned back against the wall and looked at James. "I'm not going—okay, let me rephrase that. I told you yes, James. I told you I would go on a date with you, and I'm not going to go back on that. Okay?"

"I don't want you going just because you think you have to, Logan. If you don't _want_ to go just tell me."

"Wow, next time try saying that _without_ pouting like a little kid who isn't getting what he wants for his birthday," Logan replied, one eyebrow raised.

"I am not pouting!"

"Yes you are. I want to go, James. Why would I have said yes if I didn't?"

"I don't know, because of my powers of Logan-persuasion?"

Logan blinked. "What website do we need to go to?"

James glanced at the computer screen, then at Logan. Then he smirked. "Kiss me and I'll tell you."

"What?" Logan asked, gaping.

"Hey, you said you want to go out with me, right? So that means you want to get tickets, and if you _really_ want to then you'll kiss me so you can."

"That…is _ridiculous_ , James."

"You kissed me earlier today."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Is it only in bathrooms that you'll kiss me? Or on couches? We can relocate if you want."

Logan made a frustrated sound and jerked his hand away from James's. Before James could frown about it, though, Logan was grabbing either side of his head and pulling him in for a rough, awkward-angle kiss. James grinned and returned it happily, arms snaking around Logan's back to hold him there.

But Logan broke the kiss all too soon, prying James's arms off of him and saying " _There_. Now what's the website?"

James sighed and told him, and before long he was wrapped up in telling Logan about the different plays and trying to steer him in the direction of one in particular.

" _Dracula_?" Logan glanced away from the screen, giving James a questioning look.

"Vampires are hot," James told him. 

Logan bit his lip, and James's attention instantly went to his mouth. He was already starting to lean forward when Logan spoke again. "Not the old ones, James," he said, amusement in his tone.

"Hmm?" James flicked his gaze up to meet Logan's and saw that he was trying not to laugh. 

"I mean, _modern_ vampires are supposed to be hot or whatever, but this is _Dracula_. Basically the _original_ vampire myth. It's a horror story, not some romance."

"Well that's good then, right? No one will think it's weird for us to go see it together," James said, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah, but…"

"Unless you're _scared_." James smirked a little as he said it.

"It's just a play, James," Logan shot back immediately.

"So there's no problem, right?"

Logan glared at James for a second, then turned to glare at the screen. "Whatever, you're buying the tickets."

James scoffed. "Then you're buying dinner!"

"What?" Logan turned to him again, open-mouthed. "You always pay for things when you take a girl out!"

"I do not!"

"…You don't?"

James shook his head. "You never know how a girl's gonna react when you try to pay for things on a date." He shuddered at some particularly horrid memories.

"Hmm," Logan said, almost thoughtfully.

"Besides," James added, moving in close to Logan's ear to say the rest, "you're not a girl."

"But I was still the one who got asked out," Logan countered, his voice strained.

"That means I'm financially responsible for you?"

"Doesn't it?"

"No."

"…Oh."

James chuckled. "You _really_ don't date much, do you?"

"You know I don't," Logan answered with a scowl.

"Hey." James hugged him from the side, setting his chin on Logan's shoulder. "I'll buy the tickets, you can get dinner, and I'll get you popcorn if you want it, okay?"

Logan bit his lip again, but this time a small laugh escaped. "They don't have popcorn at plays, James."

" _What_? That's dumb!"

James saw the movement of Logan's arm, then felt a hand patting his head. "Hey, if we're going to buy these online we'll need a credit card. Think Mama Knight will let us use hers?"

"I dunno," James said with a shrug, not moving away from Logan. "Let's ask after we get Carlos to tell us what a great idea this play is."

"Okay," Logan agreed, and his hand moved to run slowly down James's cheek. "You're gonna have to move, you know."

James made a non-committal sound and turned his head to lay his other cheek against Logan's shoulder, kissing Logan's palm on the way.

The position he was in wasn't super-comfortable for James and he figured it probably wasn't for Logan either. But Logan didn't say anything, just opened a new tab on the web browser to check his e-mail or something.

"Hey," James said after a moment, "you should play that one game."

"What game?"

"You know, that one you used to play when we were kids. With the little boxes and the numbers and the bombs." Logan laughed but went along with it, and a minute later was trying to explain the game to James again. It didn't make much more sense now than it had years ago—it sounded like there was _math_ involved and that instantly made it a game James wanted nothing to do with, if you could even call it a game to begin with—so it didn't take long before James stopped watching the screen and started watching Logan.

James was so close that when he looked up at Logan's face it was barely in focus but he could still see the concentration there, the intelligence in his pretty eyes as he tried to figure out his next move. And then there was the way Logan's mouth moved as he talked about numbers and flags and right-clicking and other things that weren't nearly as interesting as how his lips quirked up at the corners or those perfect teeth of his…

James couldn't decide which he liked to watch more, Logan's mouth or his eyes, but he did know that before long just watching wasn't enough. He reached a hand up to run one finger lightly against Logan's bottom lip and Logan went completely still, his mouth open like he'd been frozen in the middle of a word. Maybe he had been; James had stopped listening a while ago.

"I like your mouth," James said, almost as a whisper. "And…the rest of your face, too."

Okay, it wasn't exactly the _smoothest_ line ever, certainly not up to his usual standards, but it got the point across, right? 

He lifted his head from Logan's shoulder and used the hand still on Logan's face to turn him so they were looking at each other. Logan was a little wide-eyed, maybe nervous, but James caught the movement as he licked his lips. Without breaking eye contact James ran his thumb across Logan's mouth, slowly. Logan pursed his lips and seemed to be hiding a smile.

"What?" James asked, not sure if he should be amused or maybe even offended.

"Nothing, that…tickled." 

"Oh." James smiled, Logan smiled back, and then James closed the tiny bit of distance between them to press their mouths together.

He didn't close his eyes, though, and neither did Logan, and…it wasn't the first time James had kissed someone with his eyes open but this didn't make him feel as self-conscious as it always had before. It was still weird, but in kind of a cool way, and watching Logan watch him made James sort of smile into the kiss which seemed to make Logan do it back and it was just _fun_. 

James was trying to figure out how to make it even more fun—the laptop had to go, first off—when there was a knock at the door and Logan nearly bolted off of the bed. He did put some distance between them, at least.

"Boys?" Mrs. Knight's voice called from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," James answered after taking a second to make a face at Logan, who was blushing and looking panicked. It wasn't like they were trying to keep this a secret from anyone in the _apartment_ , what was he getting all worked up for?

Mrs. Knight stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, raising an eyebrow at the two boys sitting on the bed.

"We were looking up play tickets!" Logan said hastily, and it took James a second to figure out why it sounded weird: Logan had said it alone. James hadn't felt any need to explain himself this time. 

Logan made a move to get off of the bed but Mrs. Knight held a hand up. "Stop, you can stay there. I just want to talk with you boys for a minute." To James's surprise Logan actually stayed.

Once Mrs. Knight had settled into Kendall's desk chair she looked at them, and James started to feel some panic himself. This wasn't just a talk; it was _a talk_ , and those were never fun or cool or anything good.

"So," she began with a smile, "you two have figured out what you're going to go see on your date?"

It was a simple enough question but both of them seemed to have been scared into silence. James mentally cursed Kendall for insisting on telling his mom about the date in the first place. It hadn't sounded like such a bad idea at the time but he could strangle Kendall for it now.

"Logan?" Mrs. Knight prompted.

"Um, uh, yeah, looks like it," he squeaked. James couldn't even enjoy Logan being all flustered because there was a _mom talk_ to worry about. Stupid Kendall.

"We need to borrow your credit card," James heard himself say.

When her eyes widened in surprise Logan added "James will give you the money!"

Mrs. Knight smiled again. "Guys, _relax_. This isn't going to be painful, okay?" James really didn't believe that even a little. "If you need to use my card to get your tickets we can work that out in a minute. First…we need to discuss some house rules now that you two are…" 

"It's just one date!" 

Okay, _that_ got James's attention enough for him to scowl at Logan. "It might not be," he said.

"What?" Logan asked, turning to look at him with a confused/surprised/mildly terrified expression.

"It might not be just one," James repeated slowly. It was _not_ a difficult sentence to understand, but Logan's comprehension was never as high when he was freaking out about something.

"Either way, boys," Mrs. Knight went on, getting them to both look back at her, "we need to go over a few things. I know I've established some rules about having girls in the apartment, and I should have revised that a few weeks ago to include rules about having boys over as well, but I wanted to give both of you time to come to terms with…everything on your own first. Once I heard about this date I knew it was time to talk, but James was so busy preparing for his audition since then there hasn't been a good time before now."

James blinked and tried to shrink against the wall. Or just disappear into it entirely. This was _way_ more uncomfortable than that little talk he'd had with Mrs. Knight after she caught him and Logan kissing that first time. Maybe it was because Logan was right there next to him now?

Logan was the first one to say anything. "Mrs. Knight I don't think—" 

"Logan," she said, cutting him off, and James appreciated his effort at least. "Let me say first that I do trust you boys. This isn't about that, at all. I just want to make some things clear, and make sure you two are both…well informed about how to keep yourselves safe and healthy."

" _OhmyGod_." Logan's voice sounded small and sort of choked. "Really, really, Mrs. Knight, the Internet is—"

"Oh, I know what 'the Internet is,'" she said with a raised eyebrow. "And as long as you're in the _right places_ on the Internet that's fine, but there's a lot of misinformation out there. In fact…hmm, how about I give you the addresses to some sites they talk about in the parenting magazines and then you can do your own research? As long as you promise to _actually_ read them."

James thought about that for a second and asked "Can Logan do the research and then just tell me about it?"

"James!" Logan said, sounding…scandalized? 

James glanced over to see Logan giving him a 'what the hell, you're supposed to be on _my_ side' look. "What? You _like_ doing research!"

Logan just gaped at him in a horrified sort of way.

"I'll give you _both_ the sites," Mrs. Knight said. "If you don't want to do the reading yourself then I want you to come talk to me, okay? Most importantly, guys, remember that no one—including each other—is allowed to pressure you into anything you don't want to do, and you need to take the same precautions when you're with other boys as you do with girls. And what I told all of you boys before still stands: if you feel uncomfortable buying your own condoms I'll be happy to get them for you. I just want you to be safe. Okay?"

Apparently James's attempts to become one with the wall or the bed or the air itself hadn't been successful because Mrs. Knight was looking at him, and at Logan too so at least he hadn't managed to disappear either. If James had to go through this better that Logan had to suffer with him. 

" _Okay_?" she repeated when James and Logan remained silent.

"Yeah, sure, Mrs. Knight," James managed, his voice barely recognizable.

"Yes, ma'am," Logan said, squeaky again.

"Good," she said, and her smile seemed real but James got the impression she was ready for this to be over with, too. "Okay, that just leaves a few rules for the apartment. One, no one will be switching rooms. I know Logan is an adult now and James, you're almost 18, but high schoolers who are romantically involved will not be sharing a bedroom in this home. Got it?"

James hadn't even thought about sharing a room with Logan before, but the idea was…intriguing. And he saw a loophole. "What about when we graduate?" He heard a little gasp next to him but didn't bother to look at Logan.

Mrs. Knight raised her eyebrows. "We can revisit it then, I guess. Although I still don't know how I'd feel about it with Katie living here." Okay, that James could understand. "The rest of it is just the same as the guidelines with girls—watch the PDA when Katie's home, be aware of who's home in general, remember that the bedrooms don't have locking doors…be smart, be safe, be respectful. I think that's it, unless you guys have any questions?"

James shook his head violently and could practically feel a breeze from Logan doing the same.

"Okay then, dinner is in about 20 minutes so we can talk about the credit card then." She smiled at them, stood up and walked out of the room.

The two of them sat in an awkward silence for several moments after she left. Finally James said "Wanna make out some more?" and Logan laughed, sounding nervous and relieved at the same time. "Hey, that was a serious question!" James added, indignant.

"I know it was," Logan said. "Although I can't imagine how you could possibly want to after _that_ conversation."

James shrugged. "I always want to make out."

"Hey, she's right, though." Logan's voice had gone quiet and serious. "No matter what happens with…" James saw his hand gesture vaguely between them. "With us, I guess. No matter who you're with, guy or girl or whoever…be careful, James, okay?"

How was he supposed to take that? Or respond to it? It reminded him of when he was leaving for his date the weekend before. "You sound like Kendall now."

Logan let out a soft chuckle. "Do I?"

"Well…not exactly," James said, reconsidering. "Kendall doesn't care what I do as long as I'm safe or whatever, but _you_ don't want me having sex at all."

"I never said that!"

"No, Carlos did, and are you gonna try to tell me he was wrong?"

Logan sighed, and when he answered he sounded reluctant to do so. "I just didn't want you doing anything before you're ready for it, James. I didn't want you sleeping with someone you'd just met."

"Hmm." James didn't fully buy that, but he figured it wasn't the time to press the issue. "But anyway, she wasn't just talking to me, you know," he said instead, trying to return Logan's concern. "I don't see how you could possibly want anyone _other_ than me but either way—well, you're the smart one, right? So you know. But uh, you should totally research those websites and tell me the important stuff. Or the fun stuff."

They hadn't really looked at each other since Mrs. Knight left the room, but James glanced over at Logan then to see him glancing back, like he had an idea he was trying to figure out the likelihood of. James was preparing to deny anything Logan asked— _No, I'm not nervous about having sex, not with guys or girls or you or anyone and of course I know exactly what to do in all of those situations, who do you even think you're talking to?_ —but all Logan said was "We should go talk to Carlos now."

Then he kissed James on the cheek and stood up, carrying the laptop out of the room with him.


End file.
